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Why do I feel rejected?

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bwok3 posted 5/25/2013 19:23 PM

So, WH has moved on to skank #? only this time it is with a girl he dated before he met me. Her oldest child is supposed to be his, but that has never been confirmed. He was very abusive to her as well.

My question is...this separation and divorce is what I wanted. He kept saying he didnt want it, but his actions didnt say that. So, now that I have what I want, why do I feel so damn rejected?

Ashland13 posted 5/25/2013 19:40 PM

I don't mean to take away from your felings, bwok, but I've heard a lot of people say that they feel rejected after DDays. I feel it, too.

My immediate reaction to your post and question is to say that perhaps you didn't want the marriage to end and because it is ending but was a one-sided thing that happened. I don't want to say "one sided choice", but that's how mine feels.

I think we are in neighboring canoes (I hate the term "same boat", they get tiring)...STBXH/Perv is the one with the A and string of "female acquaintances" but there are many mixed reports including his own about actual divorce.

Yes, I totally agree with you-it's the actions. These are not the actions of married men or people who want to be married. To me it feels like they want a situation, but marriage? uh-uh.

And we as BS wanted to be with them and to be married, but a choice was forced, in a way. At least that's my two cents and how I feel about "my own" situation, which sounds somewhat similar.

I feel rejected for many, many reasons and think it's rather valid.

I don't know if that will help any or not.

Phoenix1 posted 5/25/2013 20:06 PM

I am getting what I want too (D), and apparently POS wants it too and hasn't made any pretense about even trying to save the M, but I still feel rejected too. I always hung onto the dillusional belief that deep down, under all the shitty behavior and betrayals, he really did care, at least some. I wanted the validation that all these years weren't a complete fraud. Obviously, I was hanging on to false hope. I know that. I know he is broken and nothing I could have done would have changed any of this. But I, too, still feel totally rejected so you are certainly not alone. I hate the feeling, and I can only hope time makes it eventually go away. I am sure time will help you as well.

SBB posted 5/25/2013 20:16 PM

I feel used not rejected.

The question you should ask yourself is why do you feel he is rejecting you instead of you rejecting him? Especially given:

He was very abusive to her as well.

If we didn't reject them we'd be tolerating their girlfriends.

bwok3 posted 5/25/2013 20:18 PM

I am sadened that you 2 feel rejected as well, as this feeling is one of the worst ever, but thank you so much for validating my thoughts and feelings. What you both said is exactly how I feel, and exactly what happened. I didnt want the marriage to end and he had 30 long years to make this marriage work, but the last A was the last straw for me. I still love who I hoped he was. And i am greiving my marriage.

but a choice was forced, in a way

couldnt have said it better myself. I am not very good at putting my feelings into words, so you 2 have helped me do it. Thank you so much

hung onto the dillusional belief that deep down, under all the shitty behavior and betrayals, he really did care,

I was hopeing for this as well, I thought maybe the threat of losing his family, would put things into perspective, but sadly no, it turned out to be all my fault.

bwok3 posted 5/25/2013 20:21 PM

StrongButBroken, yes, you make a very good point, but I think my rejection is from me not being good enough, and now he has moved back to the one before me.

tesla posted 5/25/2013 20:59 PM

bwok3, feelings of rejection and abandonment are completely normal. So is internalizing the reasons for the rejection and abandonment.

Every time you blame yourself or wonder what you could have done differently to get a different outcome, remind yourself of his actions. HIS ACTIONS.

Every time you feel rejected, tell yourself that you think highly enough of yourself to not put up with his shit.

((((bwok))))

bwok3 posted 5/25/2013 21:06 PM

Every time you blame yourself or wonder what you could have done differently

I have finally realized there was nothing I could have done, and it only took me 3o years GO ME!!!!

He has unknowingly helped me move forward, as when I found out about this new one, I called the real estate this morning and had the house on the market by this afternoon.

SBB posted 5/26/2013 00:46 AM

They don't cheat because we're not good enough - they cheat because they're not good enough.

I've posted this link a million times - "She's Special", its the second article down. I was blinded by all of the lighbulbs going off.

http://psychopathyawareness.wordpress.com/2011/12/20/a-vain-fantasy-his-one-true-love-the-exception-that-confirms-the-rule/

This is a pattern. Its a bitter pill to swallow when you realise none of this has anything to do with you. Not the 'love' nor the betrayals. We and our children are merely collateral damage in the revolving door they call their love life.

MyReturn2Me posted 5/26/2013 11:49 AM

Every time you feel rejected, tell yourself that you think highly enough of yourself to not put up with his shit
Thank you tesla

and

They don't cheat because we're not good enough - they cheat because they're not good enough.

SBB


I couldn't have said it any better than this.

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