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We had a fight.

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Naivete123 posted 5/25/2013 22:23 PM

So WS has changed his passwords. In the midst of our fight I mentioned that his behavior and criticism towards me was like his behavior when he was having the affairs.

In the 2+yrs that WS was having affairs, he would often make negative comments about me. One of the big things was if I drink too much apparently I get what he calls "diarrhea of the mouth". This was hurtful to me because I feel I suffer on some level social anxiety. So when I drink at social functions of course I loosen up. Bt I am never vulgar or ornery. I am just very talkative. Last night we did a wine tasting with a mixed group of foreigners. I made the faux pas that the Americans never seem to make the Wimbly. Sorry I don't know soccer. Well instead of WS trying to call me out on it at the moment, so I could apologize for my ignorance, he just let me go on. But waits until later to point out what I did wrong..

I admit that I had asked WS before we went to bed if I had embarrassed him that evening by talking to much- because I felt his behavior was off towards me. He had said yes. Well I stewed about it all night and asked him specifically what I had done or said. He mentioned the soccer thing, and something about me waxing poetic about American cheeses. Wth!
I'm one who will obsess for days even months about a social function worrying if I did or said the right things, seemed friendly enough, did they like me...the list goes on.

So at the moment we are kind of cold shouldering each other. I am waiting of him to say something, because I always have been the one to apologize.

But when I mentioned the affair during the argument, he said it has nothing to do with the current situation. But in a way it does. I can't help but to think about A every time I feel anger towards him. Or if I feel inadequate.

gonnabe2016 posted 5/25/2013 22:36 PM

I'm having trouble figuring out how you making an idiot of yourself for going on about Wimby equates to it being *okay* for him to change his passwords??????

You used 99% of your post to defend/explain your 'social ineptitude'.....when the real issue is that your WH yanked transparency away from you. What he did is Not.Cool.....even if you completely dissed the Queen of England.

Naivete123 posted 5/25/2013 23:32 PM

gonnabe2016- I asked about the password change. I assumed he had just changed them to punish me. But apparently he had changed them a couple of days ago because his sister had sent him a very personal email and he didn't think I should read it. Funny thing is I haven't checked his email in almost 2weeks. So he has this weird look, guilt shame? I am asking him why he didn't just tell me that I got a personal email form sister and please don't readit? I

gonnabe2016 posted 5/25/2013 23:45 PM

There isn't any good excuse for him to change his passwords....

What is his sister writing to him that you shouldn't read?

Naivete123 posted 5/26/2013 00:58 AM

My SIL has struggled with several addictions in the past. And suffers from bipolar. So I can only assume she is dealing with one of these issues. She has always confided in WS, and never to their parents. Since WS issues with addictions in the past.

WS said he was afraid of how I would react if he told me he had changed the passwords. But I said can you imagine how I would react if I find out on my own. Like I just ? He said he just didn't want to deal with the whole A issue at the moment. I told him he hasn't heard a peep out of me re A in a long time. And that I don't enjoy talking about the A anymore than he does, but when stuff like this happens, how am I suppose to feel and react?

I asked to make sure that the thing to do with his sis has nothing at all to do with him. He tells me it is all SIL problems.

Dare2Trust posted 5/26/2013 01:28 AM


Naivete:
Your husband had absoluely no REASON to change his passwords.
IF he had a private, confidential email with his sister he could have done a couple of things:
---Tell you NOT to read the email
---Copy the email for himself, and delete it; but tell you what he did, and WHY.

As for the way your husband treats you regarding your SOCIAL BEHAVIORS:
IF you truly believe your alcohol consumption causes you to behave in ways that are socially unacceptable: You may need to STOP DRINKING!
But, I would never tolerate my husband showing me such disrespect ;- but that's just me.

IF you feel the need to consume alcohol, in order to interact socially: I'd suggest you may want to see a counselor/therapist regarding "Social Anxiety" or Self-esteem issues.
Or to try to understand WHY you feel so socially inept around your husband's friends/associates.

You shouldn't feel "ignorant" or that your are always doing something wrong - when your are out socially with your own husband. That's my opinion, anyway.

shiloe posted 5/26/2013 08:38 AM

You sound like I was after the first affair. Always trying to be perfect, not do anything that could be construed as a flaw or not meeting his need. He needs to be more accepting of your personality and by the way . . . .he is absolutely perfect in all situations, isn't he? He never embarrassed you once did he?

Naivete123 posted 5/29/2013 07:05 AM

Dare2Trust- I usually limit myself to 2 drinks in public places and especially meeting new people. But with close friends I like to let loose. Not sure why I didn't stop after the 2 glass. That aside we have sort of worked through what happened. He knows he was wrong on all levels. And I owned up to my over consumption of alcohol. I see my IC next week, so it will be interesting to see what she has to say.

Shiloe- sad thing is that I feel as is I am making excuses for him. I think maybe I feel it reflects badly on me? Why do we make excuses for them. It can't be just because we love them... Another topic to broach in IC.

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