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Settee trigger

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Joanh posted 5/26/2013 12:24 PM

I have a delimma, We have this out side sitting area that has a settee bench. I use to sit there with the ap and everytime I look at it it makes me sick! Do I tell my BS that we need to get rid of it. We have only sat on it once this year but it felt so horrible for me. Thank goodness there was someone else there with my BS to listen to. Or do I just keep it to myself and learn to deal with it as another of my consequences? Both BS and WS responses appreciated

solus sto posted 5/26/2013 12:36 PM

Yes, I would tell your BS. Sharing your triggers really will help rebuild trust--I would have given anything for this kind of honesty.

Together, you can replace the settee with one you can use together, as you build new, happy memories.

This is a really good question. I love that you are so aware of your feelings.

DeadMumWalking posted 5/26/2013 13:28 PM

Does your BS know that AP sat on it with you?

If my WH hid something like this from me I would be both hurt and FURIOUS. Like he's hiding it from me because it's a special memory or something.

If your BS already knows, then is it a trigger for them? I guess not, because then you probably would have gotten rid of it already.....

Anyway, as a BS, I would appreciate my WS sharing such a thing with me - and we would not need to discuss getting rid of it, it would have been gone SO FAST his head would still be spinning.

Zayda1 posted 5/26/2013 15:55 PM

Please tell your BS and decide together what to do about it.

I would be upset about something like that being kept from me, but would appreciate the honesty about the trigger.

Joanh posted 5/26/2013 16:48 PM

Thanks for your input. I wasn't sure what it was that was getting me down. But it's right out out front door. I will talk to my H today and be done with it. Thank you

Kelany posted 5/26/2013 17:15 PM

My FWH is a SA, we do discuss his triggers. To be honest, it helps me a lot. Especially to know his thought process during the A. If he told me a trigger like yours, I'd know he felt remorse.

Twitchy posted 5/27/2013 08:16 AM

As for the Settee itself. Make some memories with you and your BS with it. Not to be crude, they don't have to be like that. Just reclaim it as both of yours.

Take a laptop out there and watch his favouirite movie with some wine.

Have kids? Read to them there.

Make a happy family memory involving it and then focus on that when the trigger hits.

Take it back.

[This message edited by Twitchy at 8:17 AM, May 27th (Monday)]

Joanh posted 5/27/2013 17:50 PM

We are getting rid of it

Tiredofthepain posted 5/27/2013 18:29 PM

What I would give to have such honesty!! All great advice here, nothing more for me to add, except your BS is lucky to have such an honest and thoughtful WS.

[This message edited by Tiredofthepain at 6:30 PM, May 27th (Monday)]

hatefulnow posted 5/29/2013 10:10 AM

Can I have it?

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