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Still having a lot of trouble with this. Trying NC after a string of bad phone calls. He says he "knows" who I am and if I had any info that he cheated I would gladly rub it in his nose. But since I don't it pisses me off.

Well, where does this guy get off saying that to me? I have a TON of info since Slurpee Slut (SS for short) managed to post all of their indescretitions on Facebook! My lawyer has all of this of course. They walked out of the preliminary hearing holding hands for goodness sake! She laughed when she was referred to as his "girlfriend" and the judge saw! Anyway...off topic

I mean how do I train myself to not go over and over everything he says and not take his word as law.....It never mattered what other people thought of me......what he said always trumped everyone....even if I knew it wasn't true! It was verbal abuse for sure.....but I still keep thinking if I would have been a better wife, kept the house cleaner...etc he wouldn't have left...then I get mad at myself for even thinking that way! I am a strong woman in other areas! Why am I so weak when it comes to him?

sorry you are going through this. Its all just crazy making

One of the best lines I have ever read here goes along the lines of:

They know which buttons to push - they installed the fuckers!

Sadly its so very true. You are not weak. It just takes time to retrain ourselves out of the unhealthy thought patterns and behaviours they taught us.

Strength to you.

Hi Lotus...

Its not emotional attachment, its just a habit, and a bad one at that.
Its fear of being on your own, not love, that is drawing you back to him.
It sounds like he had you well trained, and its oh, so difficult to find yourself again after years of emotional and verbal abuse.

You can do this honey. You CAN. Remember that he is the source of your pain, not a balm for it.

There is an awesome thread somewhere on here on how to detach. I hope someone can bump it. Read it and put it into practice. You will find that you are stronger than you think.

I totally feel for what you are going through.
((((((lotus))))))))