We have court orders, the children live with me, have visitation with their father EOW and some of the school holidays. Their father swaps and changes all the time due to 'work' (so he claims anyway a whole other story) so the visitation is never what appears in our court orders if he has them at all.
My oldest son who is 14 refuses to have any contact with his father. His father is now making an issue out of it. I have contacted my lawyer waiting for a call back. Any advice?
D-Day, June 10, 2012
We also have court orders for visitation but with a stipulation that states "if either child or children decide not to visit with father, then there shall be no visitation."
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.
At around the age of 14, the courts would probably take the child's views into account, but they are very much guided by the Family Law Act, which is very keen to uphold relationships between parents and their kids.
Bottom line is, as loing as you as the parent are not actively encouraging him to stay away from his dad, and doing what you can to facilitate a good relationship, no one can force him to go. However, if your ex is wanting to push this, he will need to go to court. To protect yourself, I would keep a journal about everything from here on. I would also find ways for your son to find ways to express himself in a way that works for him, and perhaps find some counselling to work through these issues.
Your ex is not doing himself any favours by changing the schedule outside the court orders. I would be making a record of this too.
I think you are doing the right thing in having your lawyer handle this - taht way you cant be seen to be alienating your son.
i feel for your boy - it must be very, very hard.
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it.
Update from the lawyer was that I am technically, breaching the court orders by not enforcing him going.
However he would have to take me to court to prove this. As long as I am not preventing him going or parent alienation and I am seen to be trying to repair their relationship. The court would then appoint a mediator to try and repair the relationship with his father.
If this did not work the court would hear my sons side and given that he is 14 years they would listen, doesn't mean they would award in his favour though. Also given the fact that he keeps not following the court orders he might find himself in more trouble then he bargains for.
I have everything in writing from him I only communicate via email or text message as he is verbally abusive. So I am NC as much as possible.
It's so hard all I want to do is protect my boy and he is really happy right now since he hasn't been seeing his father sigh......