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Newest Member: PregnantNurse (61778)

User Topic: thinking about it..
♀ 34600
Member # 34600
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, May 27th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Everything happened 2 years ago next month. I still think about it. I don't obsess over it like I use to, but I do think about it like once every 1-2 weeks, and when I do, it hits me like a ton of bricks. I shut down. I want to cry, scream, and hurt him all at the same time. I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach and it's stuck there for a majority of the day. I was hoping it would be better by now. Well, I guess it is, since I don't think about it 24/7, but will I ever truly be over it? I don't know why I posted this. I know many of you probably feel the same way. I hate this. And it makes me truly dislike my husband when I think about it...knowing HE did this to me.

3 children (15, 10, and 5)
Together 14 years, married 9
DD- June 2, 2011 (didn't find out until October 4, 2014)

Posts: 109 | Registered: Jan 2012
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, May 27th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I was in the timeframe that you describe, I remember screaming, WHEN IS THIS GOING TO BE F-ing OVER! Just popped out of my mouth one day. Luckily when I was at home by myself, not in the middle of my office.

This probably isn't comforting at all, but you're right on schedule. The gaping, open wound is sorta filling in a little from the bottom and thinking of starting a scab. But there's still a long way to go. If it is any help at all, I look back and it seems like this year has just flown by. I don't understand it since some of the days lasted for eons, but now, I look back in my journal and am bewildered by time's passage. (((hugs)))

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 10160 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
♀ 37575
Member # 37575
Default  Posted: 6:30 PM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's interesting to me that our bodies can "remember" anniversaries of all kinds of tramatic events, even before our mind remembers them. I was just wondering if that is what is happening to you since the DDay anniversary is coming up?
I HATE this too! You are certainly not alone! (((hugs)))
IMO it's ok to scream, I do it often on the way home from work. I am a nonviolent person as I am sure you are, but I do get those fleeting images of say.....a frying pan just happening to whack WH on the head?! lol!
You are also not alone in wondering if you will ever truly get over it, I think about that often.
I am trying to figure it all out myself, but I would say to you to be gentle with yourself. Take care of your feelings, express them the best way you can. Stress and emotional trauma really do give you physical symptoms, you aren't making it up.
I hope you can find a tiny bit of peace, something you can enjoy.
Take care of yourself!

Me: BW Him: FWH in our 50's
DDay June 1st 2012
cheated with prostitutes overseas

Posts: 700 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Out West
♀ 35215
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Oh yes! This is exactly what I have been screaming lately. I can't take it anymore. My WH isn't suffering as much as I am.

BS/FWS (me):44 Madhatter
WS/BS:47 Serial Cheater
Together 20 years, Married 16
DD(14) DS(11)
DDay(s) Too many to count
False R 7/11/14 Same OW2
"Never seek validation from those who are unworthy."

Posts: 4112 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
♀ 38975
Member # 38975
Default  Posted: 7:21 PM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I understand. I just want to move on but the mind is a tricky thing.

I wanted to rush my healing, our healing but it wasn't to be.

I have had people here and elsewhere say the average time is 2.5 to 5 years. Ugh, I know.

Think about it and then say the a is something that happened not that's happening. List 10 good things about your marriage now and then pat yourself one the back for all you have endured and how far you've come.

I know I am stronger. I know MY boundaries so if he chooses to cross them then he will deal with the consequences.

The power is back bc I know I am different.

Can't change the past but you can certainly learn from it.

Hang in there. You can do it.

Sometimes my life feels like a test I didn't study for

Posts: 3408 | Registered: Apr 2013
♀ 30817
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 7:35 PM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes. It gets better. Assuming, of course, you are working the process you need to work to heal.

I found that when I let go of the "OMG are you fucking kidding me, it might take 5 YEARS" and replaced it with "well fuck, it might take five years, ok" it took a huge weight off my shoulders. It allow you more opportunity to focus on the good, instead of the bad.

But the fact is, if you'd been beated, stabbed and left for dead in some field, you'd probably not be "over it" by now. Allow yourself to accep the magnitude of your own trauma. I think it makes it heal faster.

[This message edited by Rebreather at 7:35 PM, May 28th (Tuesday)]

Him WH
2 ddays in '07
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 8014 | Registered: Jan 2011
♀ 30314
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allow yourself to accep the magnitude of your own trauma. I think it makes it heal faster.

Yep, so true.

Posts: 7613 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
♀ 37683
Member # 37683
Default  Posted: 5:24 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage your suggestions!

Married 10+ years to my high school sweetheart
DDAY 10/27/12
Me 55
WH 55
Blended Family: 25, 21, and 20
Married 10 years
"The Universe Unfolds as it Should"

Posts: 301 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Missouri
Topic Posts: 8

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