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thinking about it..

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womanfromohio posted 5/27/2013 09:48 AM

Everything happened 2 years ago next month. I still think about it. I don't obsess over it like I use to, but I do think about it like once every 1-2 weeks, and when I do, it hits me like a ton of bricks. I shut down. I want to cry, scream, and hurt him all at the same time. I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach and it's stuck there for a majority of the day. I was hoping it would be better by now. Well, I guess it is, since I don't think about it 24/7, but will I ever truly be over it? I don't know why I posted this. I know many of you probably feel the same way. I hate this. And it makes me truly dislike my husband when I think about it...knowing HE did this to me.

Skan posted 5/27/2013 13:21 PM

When I was in the timeframe that you describe, I remember screaming, WHEN IS THIS GOING TO BE F-ing OVER! Just popped out of my mouth one day. Luckily when I was at home by myself, not in the middle of my office.

This probably isn't comforting at all, but you're right on schedule. The gaping, open wound is sorta filling in a little from the bottom and thinking of starting a scab. But there's still a long way to go. If it is any help at all, I look back and it seems like this year has just flown by. I don't understand it since some of the days lasted for eons, but now, I look back in my journal and am bewildered by time's passage. (((hugs)))

PinkJeepLady posted 5/28/2013 18:30 PM

It's interesting to me that our bodies can "remember" anniversaries of all kinds of tramatic events, even before our mind remembers them. I was just wondering if that is what is happening to you since the DDay anniversary is coming up?
I HATE this too! You are certainly not alone! (((hugs)))
IMO it's ok to scream, I do it often on the way home from work. I am a nonviolent person as I am sure you are, but I do get those fleeting images of say.....a frying pan just happening to whack WH on the head?! lol!
You are also not alone in wondering if you will ever truly get over it, I think about that often.
I am trying to figure it all out myself, but I would say to you to be gentle with yourself. Take care of your feelings, express them the best way you can. Stress and emotional trauma really do give you physical symptoms, you aren't making it up.
I hope you can find a tiny bit of peace, something you can enjoy.
Take care of yourself!

crazyblindsided posted 5/28/2013 19:00 PM


Oh yes! This is exactly what I have been screaming lately. I can't take it anymore. My WH isn't suffering as much as I am.

1Faith posted 5/28/2013 19:21 PM


I understand. I just want to move on but the mind is a tricky thing.

I wanted to rush my healing, our healing but it wasn't to be.

I have had people here and elsewhere say the average time is 2.5 to 5 years. Ugh, I know.

Think about it and then say the a is something that happened not that's happening. List 10 good things about your marriage now and then pat yourself one the back for all you have endured and how far you've come.

I know I am stronger. I know MY boundaries so if he chooses to cross them then he will deal with the consequences.

The power is back bc I know I am different.

Can't change the past but you can certainly learn from it.

Hang in there. You can do it.

Rebreather posted 5/28/2013 19:35 PM

Yes. It gets better. Assuming, of course, you are working the process you need to work to heal.

I found that when I let go of the "OMG are you fucking kidding me, it might take 5 YEARS" and replaced it with "well fuck, it might take five years, ok" it took a huge weight off my shoulders. It allow you more opportunity to focus on the good, instead of the bad.

But the fact is, if you'd been beated, stabbed and left for dead in some field, you'd probably not be "over it" by now. Allow yourself to accep the magnitude of your own trauma. I think it makes it heal faster.

[This message edited by Rebreather at 7:35 PM, May 28th (Tuesday)]

rachelc posted 5/28/2013 19:57 PM

Allow yourself to accep the magnitude of your own trauma. I think it makes it heal faster.

Yep, so true.

Undone1 posted 5/29/2013 17:24 PM your suggestions!

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