Not sure that this post belongs here in this forum.....guess I just wanted to let the new members know that you will somehow get to this milestone.....
This has been a nightmare for me, my world came crashing down 11.25.12. I had no idea the affair was going on and was completely devastated. I confronted him, he told me to leave and I did.
I know the pain you are in.......I know the devastation you feel......the depression, the rage, the anger, the betrayal, the feeling that I was just tossed aside, discarded.
6 months ago Friday, he told me he had to go into work for a few hours (the Friday after Thanksgiving). Found out (at the attorney's office when I was looking over his "disclosures" and saw the charge on the credit card), that he took her to a local hotel. The night I confronted him, he took her out to a nice dinner. What an asshole.....I was sobbing on the floor, bewildered, abandoned and devastated and he was out eating steak, drinking wine. Fuck you......
I am still swinging through my emotions. The shock is starting to wear off, the denial is starting to fade. I am still in pain, devastated, hurt and feeling rage. I really want justice, paybacks, the karma bus to nail his ass. I want to out the affair and let everyone know what a adulterous lying pig he is. Let him take the consequences of his actions. The thought of the cost I have paid for his "happiness" enrages me.
I served him with divorce papers 1/8/13. Have changed my phone numbers and blocked his emails, so the only contact is through the attorneys. He is spending a shitload of money on attorneys (I don't work, am back in school).
He received the distinguished alumni award from his alma mater (pissed me off), he brought her to a fundraiser to an organization I have been involved with for 3 years (that put me into a very dark, dark place - so painful to watch the man I married, loved and trusted leave with her). He is not the man of integrity and honesty that everyone thinks he is. He is not the man I thought I married.
What I have learned, is that somewhere inside of me, is this reservoir of strength. I have survived the past 6 months. I have leaned on family, friends, IC and this website to get me through. I have managed to maintain an "a" average while going through this nightmare.
I did not want the 6 month anniversary to be about him, about the affair. I try to exercise and one of my goals was to run down to the break water. So, yesterday, decided I was going to take back the day and make it about the day I ran down to the breakwater. Took me an hour and a half, but I DID IT!!!! I have done so many things I didn't think I could do over the past few months. I dug out a 9 foot banana tree I have always hated, digging out the ugly geraniums, found an attorney to handle the divorce, changed out the toilet seats and managed to get out of bed every morning Some of this sounds trivial, but I am taking care of myself and saying "yes" to me.
I do not know what the future holds, except that he will not be in it. I don't know where I am going to end up. I am learning to just be where my feet are.
I guess it all boiled down to this.....just breath. When the pain got to be too much, would tell myself out loud, to just breath. When I thought I could not take the pain one bit more, just breath. That helped get me through. If I could breath through it, affirm that life force, I could get through it.