I hated year 2 as well. It seemed like some things really sunk in during that year.
-This really happened.
-It is not going to resolve itself quickly.
-Love doesn't fix relationship issues(the A plus all the other ones we had/have).
-For my H- he realized that he couldn't just sit on the sidelines and wait for me to heal.
At the end of year 2 I stopped trying to control the process(this one was BIG for me) and accepted that it was going to take what it was going to take.
Are you in MC? It really is worth every penny.
As R continues you have to be open to expressing yourself and communicating. And when it goes badly, trying again. You both have to be willing to be the one to get the ball rolling again.
Every time you fall down you get up. I don't mean it like a rah, rah thing. You get your ass kicked by life, A stuff, family, jobs, kids whatever and you get back to your feet and keep moving.
It isn't easy. I used to compare our R to the R that 'should' have happened from day 1. It didn't happen like that for us. We share the blame for stepping off the path here and there..... Cripes we probably wandered in the deep woods the entire first year...
You both feel like crap, meet there. Give empathy and ask for empathy. If that means being team turd, do it. Even in the depths of this mess, turn toward each other and share it. Over time you have to trust your BS to be open to how you actually feel rather than what you 'should' feel.
In my experience, I would rather have a imperfect partner sloshing through the mess with me than a silent 'should' acting WS trying to white knuckle it...