I've dated several nice people that I have gotten along with nicely and enjoyed their company. I even dated one person exclusively for a few months. But, I don't really ever feel anything. No one has been anything that I couldn't stop talking to and not feel a thing. I can't emotionally attach to anyone. I don't know how to fix me.
I assume it is a combination of not meeting the right guy and still healing, and...well....kinda liking being alone. I'm in no rush to be in a serious relationship yet. The "glittery shiney-ness" of marriage was worn off.
Are in you therapy? I have been in almost 2 years now and I can hear what my IC would say, "You are cocooning, healing...just focus on taking care of yourself."
I just ended an 8 month relationship. I picked someone only a few months from his D being final. I knew better but I did it anyway, and I think it's because of what you describe here. I'm not ready for the intimacy so I picked someone emotionally unavailable. It blew me away that Baggage Reclaim had an article that was the exact screenplay of our 8 month relationship, lol.
So, it's normal and it will get better as you heal. But there is nothing wrong with examining it. Baggage Reclaim has some very insightful articles on the process that have been really helpful to me and many others here.
Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling
I hear you on the only seeking those who are unavailable. The only person I've opened up to really is an old friend that I've known for decades. We've flirted, but we live far away and we're way too alike and combustible together. But, we're amazing friends, so I open up to him and not to other people. Even when I share stuff with other people, I'm not really there. Idk how to explain it.
Maybe I just present well, because I am so emotionally detached from all the bullshit? Idk. It's not really helpful at all to be told I'm handling everything well.
And we made more progress than I have with most in a short period of time, I actually felt accountable, but then I stopped going about six weeks ago. Partially because of the expense, she doesn't take insurance so I have to pay for the full session, but if I'm completely honest, I think I also stopped because we were starting to hit some areas I'd never gone to before and I think it scared me. I'm still putting a lot of thought into that.
I think we are all a work in progress, and I do believe just the fact that we consider our limitations, or even perceived limitations, means something with regard to our healing - I believe it indicates some level of progress.
You may still need some IC help to get there at some point, but at least you are getting somewhere. I recently started reading The Journey from Abandonment to Healing - it's been very insightful, if you haven't read it. And keep posting - SI is an incredible lifeline - use it. ((Hugs))