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Topic: Not sure what to title this :(

sadminnie
♀ 38870
Member # 38870

Posted: 5:42 AM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013

It's been 3 months since d day and if you have seen any of my previous post you will know how hard it has been. Both mental and physical abuse followed and he left and now he is back in contact with ow. He says he wants to be with me and regrets how the past 18 months have been and if he could go back he wouldn't have done a thing. I have told him he has to cut all ties with this ow otherwise I won't even consider R (for the 2nd time) the first was just not right neither of us really making any effort. I just don't know what to do, I don't understand why he went back to her.

WS 33
BS 31
Together 12 years
1 8 yr old daughter
Day 20/3/13
Second disclosure 29/4/13

Posts: 54 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: nottingham england

authenticnow
♀ 16024
Member # 16024

Posted: 5:49 AM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013

Has he been in consistent IC to work on himself? Has he learned how to healthily channel his anger so he stops being an abuser?

If not, I say no way.

Also, of course if he is still in contact with OW, you don't even consider R.

“Empathy has no script. There is no right way or wrong way to do it. It’s simply listening, holding space, withholding judgment, emotionally connecting, and communicating that incredibly healing message of “you’re not alone.” ~ Brene Brown

Posts: 54993 | Registered: Sep 2007

brokensmile322
♀ 35758
Member # 35758

Posted: 5:58 AM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013

Yes. You need to be firm in what YOU need to R. Figure out the consequences if he does not comply.

Then you need to put him on MUTE. What what he DOES, not what he says.

If you are not strong in stating your needs and what you will and will not accept, you will be wasting your time.

Me BS 42 Him WS 44
OW Coworker DDay April 7, 2012
EA on a slippery slope...

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl

"When you are happy, you can forgive a great deal."

Posts: 2038 | Registered: Jun 2012

letting_go
13774
Member # 13774

Posted: 6:42 AM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013

Ditto to what the others have said.

"To change and to improve are two different things."
Anonymous. German proverb.

"It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men." Frederick Douglass (1818-1895)

Posts: 3705 | Registered: Feb 2007

Topic Posts: 4

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