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It's been 3 months since d day and if you have seen any of my previous post you will know how hard it has been. Both mental and physical abuse followed and he left and now he is back in contact with ow. He says he wants to be with me and regrets how the past 18 months have been and if he could go back he wouldn't have done a thing. I have told him he has to cut all ties with this ow otherwise I won't even consider R (for the 2nd time) the first was just not right neither of us really making any effort. I just don't know what to do, I don't understand why he went back to her.

Has he been in consistent IC to work on himself? Has he learned how to healthily channel his anger so he stops being an abuser?

If not, I say no way.

Also, of course if he is still in contact with OW, you don't even consider R.

Yes. You need to be firm in what YOU need to R. Figure out the consequences if he does not comply.

Then you need to put him on MUTE. What what he DOES, not what he says.

If you are not strong in stating your needs and what you will and will not accept, you will be wasting your time.

Ditto to what the others have said.