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Newest Member: Mitzia (61559)

User Topic: Not sure what to title this :(
♀ 38870
Member # 38870
Default  Posted: 5:42 AM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's been 3 months since d day and if you have seen any of my previous post you will know how hard it has been. Both mental and physical abuse followed and he left and now he is back in contact with ow. He says he wants to be with me and regrets how the past 18 months have been and if he could go back he wouldn't have done a thing. I have told him he has to cut all ties with this ow otherwise I won't even consider R (for the 2nd time) the first was just not right neither of us really making any effort. I just don't know what to do, I don't understand why he went back to her.

WS 33
BS 31
Together 12 years
1 8 yr old daughter
Day 20/3/13
Second disclosure 29/4/13

Posts: 54 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: nottingham england
♀ 16024
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 5:49 AM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Has he been in consistent IC to work on himself? Has he learned how to healthily channel his anger so he stops being an abuser?

If not, I say no way.

Also, of course if he is still in contact with OW, you don't even consider R.

"If you want to know who your tribe is, speak your truth, then see who sticks around. Those are the people who get a spot in your blanket fort." -Nanea Hoffman

Posts: 55123 | Registered: Sep 2007
♀ 35758
Member # 35758
Default  Posted: 5:58 AM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes. You need to be firm in what YOU need to R. Figure out the consequences if he does not comply.

Then you need to put him on MUTE. What what he DOES, not what he says.

If you are not strong in stating your needs and what you will and will not accept, you will be wasting your time.

Me BS 42 Him WS 44
OW Coworker DDay April 7, 2012
EA on a slippery slope...

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl

"When you are happy, you can forgive a great deal."

Posts: 2038 | Registered: Jun 2012
Member # 13774
Default  Posted: 6:42 AM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ditto to what the others have said.

"To change and to improve are two different things."
Anonymous. German proverb.

"It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men." Frederick Douglass (1818-1895)

Posts: 3708 | Registered: Feb 2007
Topic Posts: 4

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