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Newest Member: jpickup0824

Reconciliation :
Good update - sorry got really long

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 JanaGreen (original poster member #29341) posted at 3:22 PM on Tuesday, May 28th, 2013

Forgive my rambling . . .

We've been so busy lately.

Our house is under contract, scheduled to close June 14. We are taking vacation next week (already scheduled before the offer) and spent this weekend packing and looking at cars. My parents kept our daughter for three nights.

My parents keep DD a lot (they BEG to have her over, they love it), but this time it was kind of different - usually we are doing something for his business (like going to a trade show) or having a date night. This time it was like it was before we were parents. I don't mean that in a bad way - I LOVE being a mom and I know he loves being a dad. But it was three days of working together intensely - no distractions like movies or alcohol or working. Just spending time together.

While we were packing, I found a bunch of old pictures from college. In the past H has made comments about me keeping these old pics with my ex in them, and I blew him off. This time, I was kind of taken aback at all these pictures I kept. And I know especially the first few years we were married, I did keep my ex in my mind as kind of this fall-back mental . . . I don't know how to explain it. Like this idealized relationship (even though I broke up with him). I thought about how hurt I would be if my H had kept so many pictures of his ex. At first I didn't want to throw those pics away (especially my prom pics) because I dated him for so long, he's in a majority of my pictures from that time period, but when I thought about how I'd feel if the tables were turned, it was quite easy to throw them out and I felt great about it.

Right before D-Day 2, my H had purchased a new red corvette (talk about stereotypes). He steamrolled me to get it (literally called me up at work, said he found one he liked at a dealership in Atlanta and was going to fly down there with his AmEx points and go buy it, ok, see you later! while I'm sitting at my desk sputtering) and he actually texted pics of it to the woman I busted him asking out last June. He's offered to sell it because he knows it upsets me for multiple reasons, but I never wanted to "make" him do it. So on Friday, he listed it on Craigslist. Then Sunday and again yesterday, he took me to look at vehicles with 3rd row seats. He wants to sell his corvette and trade in my hail-damaged SUV to get a new car for me that will be big enough to accommodate us and a new baby (eventually). You know, a family car. Not a sporty two-seater. And he wants to get rid of his high corvette payment and use that money instead toward things for our house.

I am so glad that his priority and focus is on our family now.

We were eating yesterday and gossiping about someone I used to work with. She's on her 3rd marriage and had affairs with two different married men while I knew her. He said, "I'm so glad things are ok between us now." I said, "What made you think of that?" He said, "All that drama with [ex-coworker] and how crazy her life is. I appreciate my nice, sane wife and the good life we have."

This is not where I thought I'd be now. I'm so glad to be wrong.

posts: 9505   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2010   ·   location: Southeast US
id 6351829
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tired girl ( member #28053) posted at 3:26 PM on Tuesday, May 28th, 2013

I am so happy for you.

Me 47 Him 47 Hardlessons
DS 27,25,23
D Day's becoming less important as time moves on.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt
My bad for trying to locate remorse on your morality map. OITNB

posts: 7444   ·   registered: Mar. 26th, 2010   ·   location: Inside my head
id 6351831
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 JanaGreen (original poster member #29341) posted at 3:33 PM on Tuesday, May 28th, 2013

I am so happy for you.

Thank you!

posts: 9505   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2010   ·   location: Southeast US
id 6351836
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cdnmommy ( member #30182) posted at 3:44 PM on Tuesday, May 28th, 2013

Jana, I am very happy to read this!

Me: BW
DDay: Oct 2010 + 6 weeks false R
2.5 (+?) year A with married coworker/my "friend"
2 great kids
Reconciling and healing

posts: 1795   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2010
id 6351846
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SisterMilkshake ( member #30024) posted at 3:48 PM on Tuesday, May 28th, 2013

I am so happy that your H is now content. That he "gets it". That he is the man you thought you married.

I am kind of sad that you threw away your photos. Although, if you were hanging onto them for the "wrong" reasons, I guess I understand. But, that was part of your life, your history, and I don't feel there is anything wrong with that. Unless, of course, you were looking at the photos constantly and mooning over the ex-boyfriend. I know I don't look at my photos from when I was young and before FWH very often. Maybe every few years or so. I am glad that I have them. It does bring back good memories and happy times. Nothing wrong with that.

BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson

posts: 15429   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2010   ·   location: The Great White North USA
id 6351851
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 JanaGreen (original poster member #29341) posted at 3:55 PM on Tuesday, May 28th, 2013

I was able to keep a couple of pics from prom that were just with my friends, and a few from college. I'm ok with throwing them away. I felt like it was the right thing to do given the circumstances.

posts: 9505   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2010   ·   location: Southeast US
id 6351864
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wifehad5 ( Administrator #15162) posted at 3:56 PM on Tuesday, May 28th, 2013

FBH - 52 FWW - 53 (BrokenRoad)2 kids 17 & 22The people you do your life with shape the life you live

posts: 55952   ·   registered: Jun. 28th, 2007   ·   location: Michigan
id 6351866
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painpaingoaway ( member #27196) posted at 3:58 PM on Tuesday, May 28th, 2013

YAY!


D-Day June 2009
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

posts: 7192   ·   registered: Jan. 13th, 2010   ·   location: Coastal South
id 6351869
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HardenMyHeart ( member #15902) posted at 4:01 PM on Tuesday, May 28th, 2013

Me: BH, Her: WW, Married 40 years, Reconciled

posts: 7038   ·   registered: Aug. 23rd, 2007
id 6351872
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itainteasy ( member #31094) posted at 8:17 PM on Tuesday, May 28th, 2013

posts: 3446   ·   registered: Feb. 4th, 2011   ·   location: NWPA
id 6352241
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Almost12Years ( member #34861) posted at 9:09 PM on Tuesday, May 28th, 2013

GREAT update

Me - BW (38). Him - FWS (35)
College sweethearts
M - 13 years; together 16
DD (9) and DS (7)
Blindsided by confession on 2/17/12
6+ mo. EA/2x PA

Putting the pieces back together, day by day. Hardest thing I've ever done.

posts: 225   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2012
id 6352315
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meplusfour ( member #38958) posted at 9:33 PM on Tuesday, May 28th, 2013

So happy for you!

BW (me)42
WH 44
3 daughters, 1 son
Married 10 years, together 13
DDay 3/14/2013, four year PA
In R
"Sometimes you have to accept the fact that certain things will never go back to the way they used to be."

posts: 438   ·   registered: Apr. 11th, 2013   ·   location: Canada
id 6352347
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HFSSC ( member #33338) posted at 11:43 PM on Tuesday, May 28th, 2013

That's awesome! You've both come so far.

Me, 56
Him, 48 (JMSSC)
Married 26 years. Reconciled.

posts: 4971   ·   registered: Sep. 12th, 2011   ·   location: South Carolina
id 6352474
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Skan ( member #35812) posted at 1:01 AM on Wednesday, May 29th, 2013

I'm so very happy for you! It sounds like you have a very good path that you both are walking down.

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012


posts: 11513   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2012   ·   location: So California
id 6352582
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Rebreather ( member #30817) posted at 1:12 AM on Wednesday, May 29th, 2013

That's great!

Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Rec'd.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

posts: 8016   ·   registered: Jan. 13th, 2011
id 6352594
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girlsbird ( member #30877) posted at 2:31 AM on Wednesday, May 29th, 2013

D-Day 10/28/10..almost admission 7/10 Reconciled. I was the betrayed

posts: 1203   ·   registered: Jan. 18th, 2011   ·   location: arizona
id 6352678
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jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 2:42 AM on Wednesday, May 29th, 2013

Awesome update!

posts: 51035   ·   registered: Mar. 16th, 2011
id 6352691
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JennasMom ( member #35744) posted at 7:09 AM on Wednesday, May 29th, 2013

Jana, so happy for this update!!!

Me: fWW/BW, 29, EA
Him: WH, 30 (whatnow999), Multiple PAs
Married: 6 years, together 9 years
Kids: DD, 4 and DS, 6 Wks

posts: 151   ·   registered: Jun. 4th, 2012   ·   location: Midwest
id 6352943
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 JanaGreen (original poster member #29341) posted at 1:54 PM on Wednesday, May 29th, 2013

Well hey there JennasMom! Good to "see" you - from your siggy looks like congratulations are in order! I hope all is going well with you and that you are getting at least a little bit of sleep!

posts: 9505   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2010   ·   location: Southeast US
id 6353106
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