We've been so busy lately.
Our house is under contract, scheduled to close June 14. We are taking vacation next week (already scheduled before the offer) and spent this weekend packing and looking at cars. My parents kept our daughter for three nights.
My parents keep DD a lot (they BEG to have her over, they love it), but this time it was kind of different - usually we are doing something for his business (like going to a trade show) or having a date night. This time it was like it was before we were parents. I don't mean that in a bad way - I LOVE being a mom and I know he loves being a dad. But it was three days of working together intensely - no distractions like movies or alcohol or working. Just spending time together.
While we were packing, I found a bunch of old pictures from college. In the past H has made comments about me keeping these old pics with my ex in them, and I blew him off. This time, I was kind of taken aback at all these pictures I kept. And I know especially the first few years we were married, I did keep my ex in my mind as kind of this fall-back mental . . . I don't know how to explain it. Like this idealized relationship (even though I broke up with him). I thought about how hurt I would be if my H had kept so many pictures of his ex. At first I didn't want to throw those pics away (especially my prom pics) because I dated him for so long, he's in a majority of my pictures from that time period, but when I thought about how I'd feel if the tables were turned, it was quite easy to throw them out and I felt great about it.
Right before D-Day 2, my H had purchased a new red corvette (talk about stereotypes). He steamrolled me to get it (literally called me up at work, said he found one he liked at a dealership in Atlanta and was going to fly down there with his AmEx points and go buy it, ok, see you later! while I'm sitting at my desk sputtering) and he actually texted pics of it to the woman I busted him asking out last June. He's offered to sell it because he knows it upsets me for multiple reasons, but I never wanted to "make" him do it. So on Friday, he listed it on Craigslist. Then Sunday and again yesterday, he took me to look at vehicles with 3rd row seats. He wants to sell his corvette and trade in my hail-damaged SUV to get a new car for me that will be big enough to accommodate us and a new baby (eventually). You know, a family car. Not a sporty two-seater. And he wants to get rid of his high corvette payment and use that money instead toward things for our house.
I am so glad that his priority and focus is on our family now.
We were eating yesterday and gossiping about someone I used to work with. She's on her 3rd marriage and had affairs with two different married men while I knew her. He said, "I'm so glad things are ok between us now." I said, "What made you think of that?" He said, "All that drama with [ex-coworker] and how crazy her life is. I appreciate my nice, sane wife and the good life we have."
This is not where I thought I'd be now. I'm so glad to be wrong.
I am so happy for you.
Thank you!
I am kind of sad that you threw away your photos. Although, if you were hanging onto them for the "wrong" reasons, I guess I understand. But, that was part of your life, your history, and I don't feel there is anything wrong with that. Unless, of course, you were looking at the photos constantly and mooning over the ex-boyfriend. I know I don't look at my photos from when I was young and before FWH very often. Maybe every few years or so. I am glad that I have them. It does bring back good memories and happy times. Nothing wrong with that.
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson "She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson
The people you do your life with shape the life you live
Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.
Putting the pieces back together, day by day. Hardest thing I've ever done.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
