SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

JanaGreen posted 5/28/2013 09:22 AM

Forgive my rambling . . .

We've been so busy lately.

Our house is under contract, scheduled to close June 14. We are taking vacation next week (already scheduled before the offer) and spent this weekend packing and looking at cars. My parents kept our daughter for three nights.

My parents keep DD a lot (they BEG to have her over, they love it), but this time it was kind of different - usually we are doing something for his business (like going to a trade show) or having a date night. This time it was like it was before we were parents. I don't mean that in a bad way - I LOVE being a mom and I know he loves being a dad. But it was three days of working together intensely - no distractions like movies or alcohol or working. Just spending time together.

While we were packing, I found a bunch of old pictures from college. In the past H has made comments about me keeping these old pics with my ex in them, and I blew him off. This time, I was kind of taken aback at all these pictures I kept. And I know especially the first few years we were married, I did keep my ex in my mind as kind of this fall-back mental . . . I don't know how to explain it. Like this idealized relationship (even though I broke up with him). I thought about how hurt I would be if my H had kept so many pictures of his ex. At first I didn't want to throw those pics away (especially my prom pics) because I dated him for so long, he's in a majority of my pictures from that time period, but when I thought about how I'd feel if the tables were turned, it was quite easy to throw them out and I felt great about it.

Right before D-Day 2, my H had purchased a new red corvette (talk about stereotypes). He steamrolled me to get it (literally called me up at work, said he found one he liked at a dealership in Atlanta and was going to fly down there with his AmEx points and go buy it, ok, see you later! while I'm sitting at my desk sputtering) and he actually texted pics of it to the woman I busted him asking out last June. He's offered to sell it because he knows it upsets me for multiple reasons, but I never wanted to "make" him do it. So on Friday, he listed it on Craigslist. Then Sunday and again yesterday, he took me to look at vehicles with 3rd row seats. He wants to sell his corvette and trade in my hail-damaged SUV to get a new car for me that will be big enough to accommodate us and a new baby (eventually). You know, a family car. Not a sporty two-seater. And he wants to get rid of his high corvette payment and use that money instead toward things for our house.

I am so glad that his priority and focus is on our family now.

We were eating yesterday and gossiping about someone I used to work with. She's on her 3rd marriage and had affairs with two different married men while I knew her. He said, "I'm so glad things are ok between us now." I said, "What made you think of that?" He said, "All that drama with [ex-coworker] and how crazy her life is. I appreciate my nice, sane wife and the good life we have."

This is not where I thought I'd be now. I'm so glad to be wrong.

tired girl posted 5/28/2013 09:26 AM

I am so happy for you.

JanaGreen posted 5/28/2013 09:33 AM

I am so happy for you.

Thank you!

cdnmommy posted 5/28/2013 09:44 AM

Jana, I am very happy to read this!

SisterMilkshake posted 5/28/2013 09:48 AM

I am so happy that your H is now content. That he "gets it". That he is the man you thought you married.

I am kind of sad that you threw away your photos. Although, if you were hanging onto them for the "wrong" reasons, I guess I understand. But, that was part of your life, your history, and I don't feel there is anything wrong with that. Unless, of course, you were looking at the photos constantly and mooning over the ex-boyfriend. I know I don't look at my photos from when I was young and before FWH very often. Maybe every few years or so. I am glad that I have them. It does bring back good memories and happy times. Nothing wrong with that.

JanaGreen posted 5/28/2013 09:55 AM

I was able to keep a couple of pics from prom that were just with my friends, and a few from college. I'm ok with throwing them away. I felt like it was the right thing to do given the circumstances.

wifehad5 posted 5/28/2013 09:56 AM

painpaingoaway posted 5/28/2013 09:58 AM

YAY!

HardenMyHeart posted 5/28/2013 10:01 AM

itainteasy posted 5/28/2013 14:17 PM

Almost12Years posted 5/28/2013 15:09 PM

GREAT update

meplusfour posted 5/28/2013 15:33 PM

So happy for you!

HFSSC posted 5/28/2013 17:43 PM

That's awesome! You've both come so far.

Skan posted 5/28/2013 19:01 PM

I'm so very happy for you! It sounds like you have a very good path that you both are walking down.

Rebreather posted 5/28/2013 19:12 PM

That's great!

girlsbird posted 5/28/2013 20:31 PM

jo2love posted 5/28/2013 20:42 PM

Awesome update!

JennasMom posted 5/29/2013 01:09 AM

Jana, so happy for this update!!!

JanaGreen posted 5/29/2013 07:54 AM

Well hey there JennasMom! Good to "see" you - from your siggy looks like congratulations are in order! I hope all is going well with you and that you are getting at least a little bit of sleep!