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Do you ever really get past the betrayal?

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mj052 posted 5/28/2013 14:09 PM

This is something that has become my constant struggle coming to terms with my wayward husbands affair!!! Of course with infidelity- betrayal and disrespect go hand in hand. My husband and I are trying to reconcile- but I just don't know if I can ever get over the extreme feeling that I was thrown under the bus by the one person who was supposed to protect me!!

It also didn't help that he lied from d-day and minimized everything! To cover his behind- protect me- to keep his family intact- because he does still love me? I wish that I knew the answers to all my questions. But the fact is- I'll probably never know the real truth! And this is one of the worst feelings in the world. My last year has been full of lies- secrets- and broken no contact with mow.

He told me that they met at a sporting event and she gave him her phone number. I never believed that one! Last February I finally found out the truth by an old email that he forgot to erase- where he thanks God for craigslist and bringing them together. He posted a personal ad for a companion and she replied. I guess it took a couple of meetings before they decided to begin their "fun relationship". And my wayward gave mow my cell phone number- just in case!!!!

I could go on and on...with all the times he betrayed me for her! And what does that say about a man who would sacrifice our 32 years together not to mention his family for a woman on her third failed marriage who'd answer such an ad and have a relationship with a m man!!! It's all so sick- it boggles my mind!!!

I guess my question is: Has anyone been betrayed to such an extent and actually been successful at r? My heart has been ripped to shreads!!!!

Edith posted 5/28/2013 14:53 PM

Hey mj,

he thanks God for craigslist

God had nothing to do with craigslist, IMHO. Wow.

I'm so sorry you are suffering. Take care.

E.

fourever posted 5/28/2013 14:59 PM

Almost 3 yrs out from his 4 yr lta w/ mow. Yes, think its possible, even with the most horrific knowledge of his disrespect.
It all boils down to what is he doing now? Did she go straight under the wheels? Is your sense true rec and remorse?

Am i there? Not yet, but we are both trying so hard. I have to believe in the possibility.

nofool4u posted 5/29/2013 08:58 AM

I knew I'd never get past the betrayal if I had stayed with her. I am speaking for me and me only. I would have looked at her face and forever saw "cheater" stamped across her forehead.
So for me, the solution was to get rid of the cause.

IAmPsycho posted 5/29/2013 10:00 AM

I am 12 years out from DDAY, and I don't think you ever get completely over it. There have been years where I think of the A very little, but then something will trigger me, and it sets me back to square one.

Our counselor said that eventually it would be just this bad thing that happened. We would remember it, but it wouldn't hurt constantly. Twelve years later, I'm still not to that place. My WH did everything "right" after DDAY, NC, transparent etc,but it still kills me that he could leave me lying in bed, drive across town and have sex with my best friend.

I think R is the hardest thing, and the A is the most horrible life event I've been through this far. How can anyone ever completely get past it?

Nature_Girl posted 5/29/2013 10:16 AM

I couldn't. For me the cheating wasn't the worst. It was the lying, the deliberate deceit, the massive misinformation campaign to keep me in the dark, the disrespect. Plus he was mean & abusive anyway.

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