SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

inmisery1 posted 5/28/2013 16:16 PM

H has been out of the country for 6 weeks, he's been home for almost a week and has made no attempt to have sex. The a was with a karoake hostess (not in the country he went to). Now I'm wondering am I just not attractive to him?or is he getting sex somewhere else or a combination of both? Right now I'm just trying to avoid punching his face.

inmisery1 posted 5/28/2013 17:30 PM

Need some insight, am I wrong to be suspicious?

unarmbears posted 5/28/2013 17:47 PM

I am not really sure of your time line as far as the initial reason you joined SI and what type of progress your marriage has made as far as working through the previous A.

I would be suspicious if my husband didn't want to have sex after being apart for six weeks. I know my husband and his libido, and I would be VERY suspicious! I would figure he had been getting some and maybe brought an STD home as a memento of his trip(???) That is what I thought when you posted.

If I were you I would go get checked for STD's. Your health has been at risk. Does he travel a lot? I ask since there are lots of opportunities for one night stands, friends with benefits, traveling buddies etc. if he does.

Being suspicious is one thing, but the tough part is getting the information and then what to do with it once you have it.

Did he get individual counseling to get to the root of why he cheats? Was he at all remorseful the last time.

I don't think you are wrong at all to be suspicious.

I am sorry ((((((((inmisery1))))))))

1Faith posted 5/28/2013 18:01 PM

At this point you have to follow your instinct. It is all you have because your foundation of trust has been shattered.

Forgive me for asking the obvious but can you ask him what's up? You have been gone for six weeks and I feel like you don't see me or want me? Help me understand this?

Not trying to over simplify - not knowing where you are in your process and healing.

Punch a pillow. Scram in the shower. Yell alone in the car. All great releases.

Hang in there. Hope things get better for you soon.

inmisery1 posted 5/28/2013 18:41 PM

I would ask but he would most likely lie. We have been married for 25 years and together for 28 with 2 college age kids. He travels for work and is in asia for 2 to 4 times a year.i discovered his a after he was skyping with me and left it open. I heard 1 side of a conversation with his girlfriend, its been 2 1/2 years. I cant really say we are in r, I know he has not been totally honest with me, he definitely lied about an email account his girlfriend told me about. The address was a combination of his middle name and his fathers, which he denied he had. I'd have to be an idiot to buy that one. I'm just feeling down because I already know the answers to my question,

hardtimesinlife posted 5/28/2013 18:51 PM

Hugs, inmisery1.
Can you take a stand and demand he respect you? Can you ask for a lie detector test? Can you ask for MC?

1Faith posted 5/28/2013 20:25 PM

Understand it's not easy and I am so sorry.

Sending hugs and want you to know you deserve truth and honesty.

Be kind and true to your self.

Figure out what YOU want and go from there. You can't change him but you can change your reality.

We are here. Keep moving and have faith.

(((Hugs)))

stilltrying2025 posted 5/28/2013 22:41 PM

My instinct here to go with your gut. I generally never lies to you like your head and your heart. Start doing some investigation; nothing is worse than a woman scorned! Also, take care of YOU! I am not one that can give you helpful advice on this as I can't take care of myself right now but trust the people who post to you; they know exactly what you are going through and what you need to do.

(((BIG HUGS)))

inmisery1 posted 5/28/2013 22:53 PM

The ow said he told her he had been cheating for the last 10 years. I don't really think it's been that long, but my gut tells me this is not the first time. I asked for a lie detector but he refused and got all indignant about it, so that pretty much tells me all I need to know

stilltrying2025 posted 5/28/2013 23:26 PM

Unfortunately, you are right. You know in your gut, not your heart or head, what is going on. Does he hide a lot of things? Does he give you free access to his phone or does he get pissed if you look at it? Is he damn near totally transparent? These are the things I'm learning from my SI family. They will only give you the best advice; they are pro-marriage, not pro-divorce. They are just going to tell you what they think based on the information you give them.

(((BIG HUGS)))) Sorry you find yourself here but you came to a great place!

broken0322 posted 5/28/2013 23:26 PM

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Hugs to you!!!!