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Newest Member: LettinggoMoveon (46015)

User Topic: Update on dating Ex's Friend
want_to_forgive
♀ 20470
Member # 20470
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone,

I thought it was time to throw an update up because so much has been going on.

Some of you might remember, my last few posts have been about my Ex H’s BFF (I will call him Max) approaching me about starting a relationship. I asked my fellow SI’ers if it was wrong to consider having a relationship with Max because he was friends with the Ex.

The general consensus was that while it may bring some unwanted drama into my life, if he was a nice guy with good boundaries and I like him, why not take it slow and see what develops.

So then I went and slept with him. Sigh. The night itself was great, but the aftermath not so much. He seemed to balk and I couldn’t stop beating myself up. He left for two weeks of work really soon after our night together and wasn’t calling or texting.

When he finally did, about four days later, he kept it all very light and friendly, no relationship talk. I put on my big girl panties and forged ahead, prepared learn from my mistakes and leave that little incident behind me.

A few days after Max got home from work, he called me and asked me to go to dinner with him. I was hesitant, but agreed. At dinner he told me that he had been a little scared by what was happening with us and had pulled back, but now he feels like he would be crazy to let me slip away. We spent most of the last week together, which has been awesome and stressful at the same time because we are trying to keep my Ex from knowing and said Ex is pretty much stalking me.

Max has a business deal with him that he wants to take care of the next time they are both in from work, then he wants to tell him that we are seeing each other. The Ex and Max haven’t seen much of each other in the past three or four months, and Max insists to me that he is happy to end his friendship with Ex if it means we can be together. But I know it could get messy.

Ex cheated on me with my BFF he has always been paranoid about Max. He has told several people in our group of friends that he doesn’t care if I date, as long as it isn’t Max.

Then there is the stalking issue… It is really too much to try to explain in writing but what it boils down to is even though Ex is dating he can’t seem to leave me alone. Texting, dropping by, calling. I am short with him and keep our conversations business like. He accuses me of being mean and unfriendly. I’m sorry, I am not your friend. I am your Ex-Wife. If I liked you I wouldn’t have divorced you.

Sorry this is so long and all over the place. Max and Ex are both away for work again, then I have a work trip as well. I’m not sure what I am looking for by posting this, except to acknowledge I know I am skipping down a hard road with butterflies in my tummy and a crazy Ex at my heals.


M 11 years
Me: BS 38 Him: WS
DDay June 2006, LTA BFFOW
Divorced April 5, 2013
Not making a decision is making a decision.

Posts: 534 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Alaska
Exit Wounds
♀ 32811
Member # 32811
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I’m not sure what I am looking for by posting this, except to acknowledge I know I am skipping down a hard road with butterflies in my tummy and a crazy Ex at my heals.

Take a deep breath and slow down. I am not sure Max is the right guy, but maybe he is the "right for now" guy...
Hugs

Posts: 2486 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: With my dad...and my dog...
Crescita
♀ 32616
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 4:56 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Want, I think disentangling from your Ex should be priority one. Sever any financial issues, and make it clear he is not to contact or come near you. Get a restraining order if you must. Who you date is not his business, you don't owe him anything.


“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3570 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
Topic Posts: 3

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