(Respect) This word has been a very heated topic of conversation around our house lately.
I had said once that WS doesn't love me or he wouldn't have done the things that he did. He has always said, He loved me. So then one day he said, he loved me, but he did not respect me.
That has always had me puzzled. Was it my fault he did not respect me? Was I the one responsible for that. Than of course I thought well, I have loved you, I have given you a second chance, I was faithful to you, I don't lie to you. So I wondered how he could not respect me.
But what I wanted to say to you is that in your post I found something the very same that my WS does.
And this you must realize
He is turning every thing around to make it your fault. Why? because he can't stand to live with what he has done. He is lying to himself to make an excuse for what he has done. He is turning it around on you.
He knows what a good nice person you are and he is trying to lower you because he can't bare to think that you are better than him. Even though he knows it
Also my WS does not want to talk at all about what he has done. I think if he did then he might have to take responsibility for it. He is allowing himself to get away with not doing the hard work. He wants you to be all happy and love him and be over with everything and sweep it under the rug. So he can go on with himself feeling less guilty.
He says we didn't talk enough at home about the counseling/affair, etc., so he just gave up. We have always talked about a lot of things. But affair talk agitated, upset and irritated him, so I just didn't push it because I wanted him to be happy.
That statement doesn't surprise me one bit.
He hasn't taken responbility for his actions or he wouldn't be blameing you.
This is where I am at also. Only still married.