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Topic: Principles of Committed Relationship

silverhopes
♀ 32753
Member # 32753

Posted: 8:41 PM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013

Just curious. I know infidelity is the focus of our site and so many of us have very common principles surrounding infidelity - namely, that we oppose it.

Outside of "no infidelity", what are some other principles you value in your relationship? What are things you're learning that are new, what things are you especially proud of, and what do you value? Or, if you're not in a relationship, what things would you want for your next one, for a healthy one?

Find peace. Or sleep on it.
Sometimes my monkeys, sometimes my circus.
Infidelities are like icebergs - they may take many different shapes and sizes, but they all damage your ship.

Posts: 4207 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California

Amazonia
♀ 32810
Member # 32810

Posted: 9:08 PM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013

Financial stability. Moderation. Responsibility. The ability to communicate well. Respect. Equality.

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 14444 | Registered: Jul 2011

FightingBack
♀ 34770
Member # 34770

Posted: 9:29 PM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013

Honesty, emotional openness and respect.

Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 1365 | Registered: Feb 2012

joeboo
♂ 31089
Member # 31089

Posted: 11:28 PM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013

I think there would be incredible value in mutual trust. It almost seems superficial. Just the thought of it seems so emotionally peaceful.

Posts: 1276 | Registered: Feb 2011

Pass
♂ 38122
Member # 38122

Posted: 1:18 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013

Respect, warmth, and equality. God damn it, I need those things!

Me: 1970
Two sons: 2000 and 2003
Cheating louse: What's her name again?

Married Aug/95
DDay Nov/12
Separated Mar/13
Finally divorced Jul/17

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous!

Posts: 3488 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada

StillGoing
♂ 28571
Member # 28571

Posted: 6:49 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013

Respect, loyalty, honesty, intimacy.

Tempus Fuckit.

- Ricky

Posts: 7849 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA

absolut
♀ 37933
Member # 37933

Posted: 9:40 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013

I have been reading on a website called marriagebuilders

It has a lot of good stuff.

Posts: 421 | Registered: Dec 2012

scangel3
♀ 36164
Member # 36164

Posted: 7:14 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013

The things I am not getting from my WH

which are:
honesty, respect, good communication, and patience and
understanding.

ETA: Basically a heart, and to show the person they are with that they mean something to them, and they are a priority in their life, not just second best

[This message edited by scangel3 at 7:15 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)]

BS-me 31, WH-31, M'd-10 years
DD 10, DS 7, DS 6.5
Dday 03/01/10 (our DD's bday)
A ended 08/31/10-09/02-10 (with multiple ddays in between).TT on 08/2012, 09/04/12, 11/16/2012, 01/2013, 6/25/2013 Says he wants R, but not proving it

Posts: 718 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Portland

Brokenpetal
♀ 39230
Member # 39230

Posted: 7:17 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013

Respect, consideration (as in treat your spouse better than anyone else you know) and never , ever, belittle them. Not even in jest.

* my WH used to call me "dummy" early on (yes, red flag) he always said I was way too book smart and had no common sense. I guess that factored Into trusting him.... Well, honey, my common sense/street smarts has come a long way....

Posts: 41 | Registered: May 2013 | From: California

Conflicted1
♀ 39019
Member # 39019

Posted: 7:25 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013

Companionship, loving words and actions, gentle honesty (as opposed to brutal), open and honest communications, laughs and good sex of course.

Honesty is a very expensive gift. Don't expect it from cheap people.

Posts: 101 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Me=BW 45

Topic Posts: 10

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