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melhav posted 5/28/2013 20:49 PM

Can anyone tell me what information to include in a Narrative? What is the best way to write one without causing further damage.

BaxtersBFF posted 5/28/2013 21:09 PM

A narrative as in a timeline? or just a summary of the A? or the lead-up to the A?

I think it is very easy for narratives to get off track and for blame-shifting to enter.

Something that a counselor told my BW and I was to not editorialize. Just state the facts, not your opinions. Does that make any sense?

hatefulnow posted 5/29/2013 02:15 AM

Your affair caused the damage. Be truthful and factual. The damage is already done, he just doesn't know how much. The only way you can make things worse is by failing to be honest.

hatefulnow posted 5/29/2013 02:17 AM

Good luck.

melhav posted 5/29/2013 09:00 AM

Thank you for the replies. BaxtersBFF: what is editorialize? It doesn't make sense to me.

hardlessons posted 5/29/2013 12:17 PM

melhav, who is asking for a narrative? This implies some level of story building which you should avoid at all costs.

If your BS is asking for WTF happened the last XX time frame then you give him a timeline of facts starting from first contact to last and include whatever detail he is requesting. Make sense?

[This message edited by hardlessons at 12:21 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)]

BaxtersBFF posted 5/29/2013 14:09 PM

By editorialize I mean the tendancy to try to explain what your interpretation of something is.

I think it might be easiest to say that editorializing is a form of blameshifting. Another way to look at it is to realize when you should shut your mouth. Do you ever have someone ask you a yes or no question and you are still answering 5 minutes later? I guess I'm saying that you should provide what your BW needs but realize that sometimes answers should be short and concise.

hatefulnow posted 6/12/2013 16:39 PM

Stick to the facts. No need to embellish. I had my wife do this. I asked her about who, what, when, where & how. I asked her about planning. What steps she took to see OM &get me out me out of the way. Some of her friends were involved and alibied her. Those friends are gone. If you had help in your affair--- an alibi, friend letting you use their place, etc, that friend will be a trigger so they may have to go.

The most important thing is honesty and completeness. Ask Shawn how much detail he wants and give it to him, even though it will hurt. Omissions are like ticking time bombs at this stage. You never know when or where they will go off, but they make quite a mess.