This Topic is Archived
Rya617 (original poster new member #39028) posted at 3:41 AM on Wednesday, May 29th, 2013
We are in R but I found out details and the whole truth about two months ago (DDay 12/24/2010) we have two young children that I love dearly. Turns out his "reason" was that he wasn't ready for kids. Now he adores our life together, blah blah blah. Most days I just ignore the heartache but once in a while, like today, it hurts so bad that I am suffocating and want to die. I have tried counseling; together and separately and I still haven't found a way to manage these days without just getting sloppy drunk! Anyone have some tips on managing these feelings? 
Me: BS (32)
Him: WH (33)
Dday: 12/24/2010
Kids: 2- ages 2 and 4
AFrayedKnot ( member #36622) posted at 11:27 AM on Wednesday, May 29th, 2013
I would not keep anything in. Any feeling I had I would express it to my fWS. I would tell her and tell her and tell her until I couldn't express it any more.
Then I would go sit alone and feel it. No distractions just feel it. At some point I would just realize what am I doing here just wasting my day.
Then I would go play with the kids until the next feeling hit. Wash rinse repeat.
You are very early on since the latest TT. It is a long road. It does get better with a lot of work on both of your parts.
PS...I would not buy the not ready for kids sh!t. He should get to the real reasons.
PSS.. Alcohol is a depressant. It is only making things worse. Don't hide behind it. Face it. Feel it.
[This message edited by Chicho at 5:28 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)]
BS 48fWS 44 (SurprisinglyOkay)DsD DSA whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better."Knowing is half the battle"
sailorgirl ( member #38162) posted at 2:38 PM on Wednesday, May 29th, 2013
Rya,
"Suffocating and want to die" is not good! I would tell your doctor how low your feelings go and for how long. Consider anti-depressents. Are you sleeping ok (not counting passed-out drunk sleep). Because sleep deprived people can not handle emotions well and might need sleep aids for awhile to get back on track.
I would also tell someone IRL about the drinking (counselor, doctor, pastor, friend, family). My mil used drinking to ignore and forget fil's behavior, and it really messed up their kids.
As for his "reason", he needs to dig deeper. Why wasn't he ready for kids? He hadn't grown up? He was immature and irresponsible? Why did he agree to kids anyway? How is he different now and why?
((Rya)). Bottom line is don't battle these slumps with alcohol or alone!
[This message edited by sailorgirl at 8:45 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)]
Married 14 years, three amazing kids
H had 17 month EA/PA
D-day 1/5/13
Reconcilling
This Topic is Archived
