Back story: Hubs had 2 A's in a 8wk time period. He left us for OW#2, they shared ILYs in there whole 3-4wks together, and he lied for 2.5yrs saying they didn't sleep together. He had a serious porn habit and was diagnosed as a sex addict. He's been abusive, hateful, mean, and a liar. Baby girl had major surgery on April 17, then I had major surgery on April 30. Literally on my way home the next day from my surgery, my life fell apart, aka I discovered the truth. he was not only lying for 2.5yrs, but he has stolen THOUSANDS from his grandpa to pay for the 20ish prostitutes he had been sleeping with for the previous 8mnths!!!! needless to say, I kicked him out and HE STILL LIES!
Anyways, I work for the courts. I was in shock and asked one of the lawyers what my options were because he had asked a while ago to be my FB friend. He gave me the name of an attorney. When CPS was called, I asked him a question about it,without going into any real detail either time other than to say I like faithfulness and hubs didn't. He kept saying he would NEVER do that to me, blah, blah, bullshit....but apparently doing it to his wife is ok. Hmmm....and repeatedly. I wish I hadn't asked him, but I was just in total shock and quite honestly was terrified for my kids. I am on medical leave, so I have 0 money to get legal advise.
Anyways, he messaged me and asked how things were and if I had contacted an attorney. I said fine and yes, thanks. end of convo. Well, he waited a couple days and asked when I was returning to work, and I told him I wasn't sure yet considering daughter still wasn't walking. He said bummer, he needed something nice to look at and he needed some excitement. I told him we weren't going there, so knock it off. He apologized. I SHOULD have deleted him there, but didn't. (working on codependency stuff, so my guess is it was a fear of not being liked)
So, earlier, he messages me to apologize. I said thanks it's dropped. He then proceeds to tell me he wants me so bad. I said "YOU ARE MARRIED." Miraculously, he is getting a D...since last week when he was adding his anniversary to his FB page. He said if I added excitement to his life I wouldn't need to pay for legal fees. I was shocked, said that sounded pretty illegal, and he said he was joking. He asked if I had any tats near my p*ssy so he'd know what to expect when he tastes me the first time. I flipped the fuck out. I am NOT that kind of girl #1. I don't and never have just gone around and slept with whoever. I don't give married men my phone # and I surely would NEVER, EVER sleep with one (HELLO!!! I'm here because I was on the other side of the coin and have been MANY times!)#2 I have NO IDEA what gave him the clue I was even remotely interested in anything like that, esp with him! I haven't talked dirty, I have never reached out to him to small talk ONLY legal advice. I was in complete shock, unfriended him, then blocked him right there.
The shock is gone and now I am PISSED. I see growth in this anger though! I am a childhood sexual abuse survivor. I have ALWAYS attracted wanted and unwanted attention with my body. When I was about 13, I was told by a boy he could get with my body but not my face. Having such ugly messages given and those boundaries violated so young, I only felt I was worth what my body could bring. Well, ironically when I met SAWH, my thought processes had begun to change. I recognized after constantly being told I was pretty, or at least attractive (still have a hard time saying beautiful/gorgeous even though I hear it all the time). I had a rockin figure, but I was worth more than that. I was loveable, not just fuckable.
Hubs crap was a self esteem blow, but then I realized this was his issue, not mine. While he was self destructing, I was: busting my ass to lose 70lbs, working fulltime and going to school fulltime while maintaining an almost 4.0 GPA, growing from my issues, gaining healthier friendships and going way out of my comfort zone, dropping many/most of my codependency stuff, and being the best damn mom in I could. I am way more than a body. I am smart, funny, loving, supportive, compassionate, witty, loyal, faithful, a good friend, sexy, a damn good mom, and I was a good wife! I am a pretty/gorgeous yes, but I am so much more. I am the whole package. I carry myself that way and had for years.
So....I am FURIOUS! I am SICK of attracting sickos and men feeling that it is ok to talk to me that way. As soon as people heard I was separated, man the pervs came a calling. Even men I respected! I see the growth so much. I used to love the ego boost of ANY man saying I was hot, now, not so much, especially the ones that talk like that to any woman that walks by, aka fisherman looking for the one that will take the bait! I still respect sex and relationships. I still want and I deserve to be loved for real. I also deserve respect! I am NOT a freakin sex object that can be talked to however. I am a human being that deserves respect because I respect myself and dare I say....love myself now!