I'm sorry, Housefull.
That's going on here in a big way. I was going to post a similar thread.
FWIW, I work really hard not to be rattled by it and it makes Perv much more agitated. I used to get very easily riled and cry often and was bullied by DD, but neither of them have that "permission" any longer, to do that to me. Other family members did it all my life-my mother and sister as well. Life is so full of bullies.
One thing coming out of all that Perv's done is that these people don't have that ability any more. I wish that for you, Housefull. It took a long time for me and tons of research, but these are toxic people we've stepped onto the same path through life with and even if it makes them mad, we need to stand up for ourselves-as parents, as ourselves and in the name of simple right and wrong.
I'm glad you've started to decide that he shouldn't come to your house. I've taken a long time and lot of hurt to realize that with Perv too, as I struggled to keep a peace among two toxic people and myself (he and DD) and then me in the middle.
It's very hard now to see them struggle with each other, but I don't step in very often, even when Perv breaks promises, as he's doing.
One thing I do is let them play in the semi-finished basement or yard, and then DD gets to play with him "here" but I don't have to be anywhere near it. It's not for very long but helps her transition back home with less drama and tears. You don't have to be involved with their visits, you know and you don't have to reply to the rants you're getting from WH, though it's not easy.
Yes, I say things like "Sorry you feel that way" and such, so that something he did doesn't become my problem just because I noticed it or he feels like I should be awful and not him.
You certainly do not owe him anything and yes, Perv tries to rugsweet and make pretty the awful things he's done. He's even compared himself to other cheaters and said he's not like that or those people. ??
You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.