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OnceUponaDream posted 5/29/2013 00:48 AM

Original d-day was 10-19, discovered today they have still been texting. He says he didn't want to talk to her but she wouldn't leave him along. That they didn't really talk about anything. Well I don't know exactly what was said in the texts but hundreds of texts back and forth aren't nothing. I'm lost again. I thought we were working on things thought things did seem off to me. No words.

TrustGone posted 5/29/2013 01:07 AM

It is not uncommon for the WS to take the affair underground until caught again. It is like an addiction for them. They can't give up the ego-stroking and how the A makes them feel about themselves. Just know that it has nothing to do with you. It is all his brokeness that is still coming out. I think single DDay's are far and few between with WS's. I wished I had known this after DDay#1 and went ahead with the D then. It was almost another year of false R when OW outed WH#2 again to me. I know he is no longer seeing her (in my gut), but he is just a dry cheater at the moment. Not really doing a lot to help me heal or make me feel secure. The trust is gone forever along with the deep love I had for him. It breaks my heart that he could so easily throw away our marriage for an old GF that he cared nothing about. Second DDay's are worse than the first one. Thee WS now knows the pain and devastation that they have instilled in your life, but don't care. That is such a complete soul crushing action that they knowingly are putting you through. My WH#2's excuse was that he more or less got by with it (I stopped D papers)the first time and didn't think he would get caught again. I am so sorry you are deealing with this again. (((HUGS)))

stronger08 posted 5/29/2013 02:50 AM

Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me !!!

simplydevastated posted 5/29/2013 09:17 AM

He says he didn't want to talk to her but she wouldn't leave him along.

This is bullshit! Plain and simple. If he didn't want to talk to her again then he should've blocked her number or better yet send a NC letter, or even more simple send her a text saying "leave me the hell alone."

Hundreds of text and they didn't talk about anything? More bullshit. Sorry.

It sounds like he took it underground and got busted again.

I'm so sorry you're hurting.


1Faith posted 5/29/2013 13:03 PM


I am so sorry that you are here again.

Please follow your instincts. You know hundreds of text aren't nothing. You know this.

Your H needs to man up and own his behavior. He needs IC to figure out WHY he needs/desires to cheat.

This is about what he is not giving not what he's not getting.

He has continued to make a conscience choice to betray you.

Make him call her with you listening and tell her its over. NC is NC. Period.

Then he needs to understand YOUR boundaries and what you will and WON'T put up with. If he is unable or unwilling then contact an attorney so you know your options/rights.

Don't be an option any longer.

You deserve truth, honesty and respect.

Keep moving. You can make it through.


OnceUponaDream posted 5/29/2013 14:15 PM

Today I am at work and he texts me saying he loves me. Not sure how to handle.

mysticpenguin posted 5/29/2013 14:24 PM

Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me !!!

Sorry, but I have to disagree. Shame on HIM all the way because he KNOWS the pain he caused, and yet is willingly doing it AGAIN and putting you (OnceUponaDream) through the agony all over again. Shame on him. It's not your fault. We love with all our hearts and expect (and thus believe) the same from our significant others.

I am so sorry you're here again. What a jerk he is. Are you planning to 180 him or kick him out? I wouldn't respond to his text at all, personally. Let him sit and stew and fear!

Getting to Happy posted 5/29/2013 14:32 PM


He loves you?!? Whatever...

His kind of love you can do without.

*crickets* for the douche!

OnceUponaDream posted 5/29/2013 14:36 PM

Well, I'm trying to get started on the 180. He asked me if I want him to leave once I get home. I told him it doesn't matter (which is really how I feel). So he says it seems like I don't want him around so he will go. I just said ok. I'm going to start contacting lawyers. I just feel so lost. I don't even know how to make sure I'm getting a good lawyer. Does anyone have any resources?

Edith posted 5/29/2013 14:41 PM

Oh OUaD, I'm so sorry you are going through this.

he texts me saying he loves me.

Maybe it's just me, but I would be tempted to forward this along to OW.

Take care,


NeverAgain2013 posted 5/29/2013 15:24 PM

He asked me if I want him to leave once I get home. I told him it doesn't matter (which is really how I feel). So he says it seems like I don't want him around so he will go.

OnceUponaDream, he seems pretty anxious to get out of the house, but he's making it look like YOU'RE the one making him go and he's doing it only because it's what you want.

I think he wants some time out of the house because he's not done with his OW, by a long shot.

I'm sorry.

Go to the lawyer and find out what your rights are. Knowledge is power.

Good luck to you.

hard_yards posted 5/29/2013 15:57 PM

Hi Honey, so sorry you are going through this.

His actions are not those of a man who is is remorseful, despite his words, they are only words.

Hundreds of texts... if he was truly trying to detach from his affair partner, there would only be one - telling her not to contact him again.

As hard as it is, I think you need to be prepared for the fact that they are continuing with their relationship, to the detriment of yours.

Think of it like a drug addict needing a fix.

His words of love.... that's manipulating you, making sure you're still on the hook, still available.

If he's saying he'll move out, let him go, it says so much. A WS who wanted to try and repair the destruction caused by their affair would be glued to your side, supporting, comforting, not talking about moving out.

Hugs honey, lots of hugs, I feel there is more to come.

[This message edited by hard_yards at 3:58 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)]

OnceUponaDream posted 5/29/2013 16:18 PM

Just left work. We will see what happens at home. He was trying to tex me. Asking if I am done. I told him that I wouldn't talk about it via text and not while I'm at work. Not sure if I even care to talk about it. I'm tired of the talking with no actions to back it up. Everything that comes out of his mouth is garbage, vomit and lies at this point. Now I'm wondering if I should shut the door forever or leave it cracked and see if he puts in the work to open it again.

Reality posted 5/29/2013 16:30 PM

Hugs, Once. And willing you clear eyes and strength.

You don't have to pick between a closed door or a crack, remember. If he does the work, he can knock on that door and make it proactively something he seeks. You don't have to leave it cracked for him.

It helps to remember you get to determine what happens next. You don't have to build on hope and future potential. Choose what helps you NOW. If he chooses to offer you more, then wait for that offer and choose then. Don't pre-emptively open the door for him.

OnceUponaDream posted 5/29/2013 16:38 PM

Reality, thank you. You're right. I don't have to decide the whole future now. Just the near future. And for the near future, there's no reason why I should let him in. If he wants in, he will need to do the work and if I see that happening, maybe I will let him in. Right now, I need to protect myself and my kids and do what's best for us. He sure wasn't looking out for us so somebody needs to.

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