Topic: How much money did your WS spend?
Member # 38288
| Posted: 7:51 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013|
I am devastated on the amount of money my WH spent on his infidelity.
In two years he wiped out our savings account and had to take a $20,000 loan to cover the losses.
It's going to take 3 years for the loan to be paid off. For 3 years each month I have to be reminded of his infidelity.
How can I move on with that over my head? Did anybody else experience money loss?
BW 55, WH 64
2 years of prostitutes.
Posts: 283 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: California
Member # 34875
| Posted: 8:24 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013|
I'm sorry you have to endure that "added benefit" of the affair. My FWW did not spend much, just the occasional lunch. But the OM must have spent over $1000 including hotels, lunches, presents, etc. ...But 20K !!!! I can't imagine!!!! Sorry you have to deal with that.
married 21 yr
Posts: 175 | Registered: Feb 2012
Member # 32935
| Posted: 8:34 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013|
Yes, mine spent tons of money. I do not even really know the exact amount. Not sure I really should. I say that only because I am not sure that I could still R knowing it. Maybe I could and maybe I couldn't.
MrKOKO and I separated for over a year. So we had a mortgage and an equal amount for a lush apartment for him to live up the bachelor lifestyle during that separation. The TicK lived in another state so he had to travel to see her. Sometimes they would plan their trysts during a business trip so it was company paid but not usual. He always stayed in luxury hotels, usually the Ritz Carlton or the like.
The TicK told him once that she would still want to be with him even if they stayed in a cow field. So nice that she could give him that reassurance considering he was wining and dining her at 5 star establishments. Funny thing is that we once camped out in a cow field in our younger days as we toured around the country.
And he was always buying her jewelry from luxury companies as well.
ETA:Our life savings has been wiped out by his A. We live essentially paycheck to paycheck now.
[This message edited by keeponkeepingon at 8:37 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)]
"I know you and you know me and I know you can see. So help me get my way back to you"
Posts: 1005 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: On the corner of Grey St at the end of the world
Member # 38405
| Posted: 8:42 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013|
I have no idea. Our money wasn't commingled and thank God for that. I would have murdered him if he wiped out the savings.
Anyway, I am sure he spent a lot because he is an idiot like that but it is ok.... His student loans and paying me child support will get him. The money river will be dried up by the end of the year as he has over 150K in debt.
[This message edited by movingforward13 at 8:43 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)]
Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!
Posts: 643 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
Member # 31094
| Posted: 8:48 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013|
My future father in law spent $28k that we know of on his crack whore.
Posts: 3423 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
Member # 35624
| Posted: 8:52 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013|
Not an extreme amount...but WH took out most of the money from his health savings account to spend on OW. He sold his old truck once too and i never saw a dime of that. All in all probably not more than $4,000-$5000. They didn't go out that long and stayed local mostly. (other than Vegas)
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
Member # 38671
| Posted: 8:52 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013|
Mine spend very little, just for condoms. Lucky for me they weren't "dating" just hooking up and not going anywhere publicly. We have joint accounts so I would know if there was unusual spending or cash withdrawals.
BS - 44
WH - 46
Married 13 years together 16 years
Working on it...
Posts: 36 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
Member # 16345
| Posted: 8:55 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013|
I dont have a accurate accounting. But it must range in the many thousands.
This was a long term affair as well as a long distance affair. WW was flying out once a month to visit *friends*. So just the airline tickets alone would be a large sum.
Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.
Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.
Posts: 3483 | Registered: Sep 2007
Member # 30314
| Posted: 9:08 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013|
hardly anything - I'm sure he expensed the lunches but he did pay for drinks, but one penny was too much.
his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12
me (WW/BS): 48
4 kiddos in mid 20's
“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”
Posts: 5486 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
Member # 5929
| Posted: 9:15 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013|
My XH was a tightwad, I don't think he spent much on the OW. There was a time when I wished he had spent a little more though, I caught him in bed with the OW in our home and and I remember screaming at him "why couldn't you get a motel room like a normal cheater?!" sigh...
Keep calm and carry on.
Posts: 49482 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
Member # 38604
| Posted: 9:27 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013|
I would guess that the OW spent more on him than he did her.... but if I had to guess, less than a grand. He was traveling on the company expenses and had a large per diem that he would use as cash for meals and gifts.
They didn't use condoms, so that was $$ saved (insert sarcasm)
There were times that I went without insulin because $$ was tight, so that extra per diem could have been brought home to help.
ME - BS 50, Him - WS 46 trying to "R"
4 DD's - blended 25, 15, 15 and 12
Multi DDays the grand finale 5/13/2013
From here on out, I am only interested in what is real. Real people, real feelings, that's it, that's all I'm intere
Posts: 472 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Texas
Member # 36112
| Posted: 9:35 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013|
Mine spent around $8000. She had some crisis each month to get cash from him. Once she wanted to start a new life so he gave her a lump $2000. He bailed her out of jail in another state for DUI and marjuana possession. He bought her gifts and paid big time for the lap dances and sex.
And this from a guy that holds pretty tight to his money
BW - 58
WH - 61
Posts: 38 | Registered: Jul 2012
Member # 38377
| Posted: 9:42 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013|
Enough to make me 99% positive bankruptcy is in my future. Asshole used credit cards that were in *MY* name..
Just sad how naive I was..
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor
Posts: 2627 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Member # 32554
| Posted: 10:14 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013|
Thousands when I include gifts, wining & dining, plus outright cash given to her for whoknowswhat.
Tens of thousands, well, actually our life savings, when I consider lawyer fees & the money I've spent to live on while the divorce drags on.
Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
Posts: 10001 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Member # 35004
| Posted: 10:14 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013|
When I asked, he guesstimated less than $1000. Apparently he paid for the dive motel while the MOW paid for dinner.
I said "let's do the math." Since he admitted he averaged monthly hookups, and since it went on for close to 7 years, I have it at about $7500. I'm probably being conservative. Definitely not chump change.
BS - 62
FWH - 60
Married 34 years
Doing well with R
Posts: 1055 | Registered: Mar 2012
Member # 38207
| Posted: 10:25 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013|
I don't know exactly. He spent mostly cash and out bank account is in his name (I have a debit card for spending, but didn't have access to the statements at the time since it was all digital). I know he spent at least $300 at a time when he was out of town and l I barely had miney to feed me and the kids. He also had our only vehicle with him 400+ miles away even though he could have used company transportation. None of that counts his membership fees to online hookup sites or the gas he used to go see those women. But the $300 and taking the car still chaps me.
Posts: 1134 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 31296
| Posted: 10:36 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013|
Strangely enough my h spent very little on the klingon during the lta. Maybe a few golf games. Never bought her a gift and never took her out. Their one hook up in a hotel was when he was at a company function that was paid for. All the other hookups were a few at her house and the rest in the car parked in the woods.
It makes it easier to believe his claims of just using her.
Me BS 50
Him WS 48
OW 57 Boiling bunnies non stop for months!
M 25 years
LTA 5 yr
R'ed, very happy and we are enjoying his early retirement!
Posts: 83 | Registered: Feb 2011
Member # 37195
| Posted: 10:58 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013|
I count myself lucky in this regard since so many of you have lost vast amounts, which just horrifies me.
I estimate between $3000 and $5000: cash to the OW for "gas and utilities", flowers, gifts, sex toys, performance supplements, and subscriptions to online cheating sites. I wish he'd spent some on condoms...
No more joint checking - he doesn't know where my paycheck goes now.
Me - BS 63
Him - SAWH 61
D-day #1 8/22/12
D-day #2 11/3/13
D-day #3 12/15/13
Posts: 25 | Registered: Oct 2012
Member # 19024
| Posted: 11:20 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013|
My WH spent very little on the A.. I think the only thing he ever bought OW is a Happy meal (I kid you not)
It was OW spending the money on him... she paid for his stay at a hotel when I filed the PFA against him, she paid for his secret phone, bought him meals etc...
"Sorry" works when a mistake is made, but not when trust is broken. So in life, make mistakes, but never break trust. Because forgiving is easy, but forgetting & trusting again is sometimes impossible
Posts: 4791 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Not in Philly.. it's just a screen name :-)
Member # 25341
| Posted: 11:23 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013|
The fact that he spent even one cent on her when he could have been putting his attentions toward me really eats at me.
Fortunately, we did not go into debt over his A. I don't know how I would be able to get past that.
Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 25 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 30
Dday: Dec 2008
Limbo-ish, again (after multiple S) -- weighing my options
Posts: 2651 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
|Topic Posts: 54|