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million pieces posted 5/29/2013 08:19 AM

I am taking shithead back to court for a CS adjustment. I have asked for him to contribute to work related childcare (original CS was calculated before I needed childcare). My lawyer asked him. No response either way. So we are taking him to court. He got wind of this last week and started w the hateful emails and declining to pay for the one expense that he has paid for in the past (ds's soccer registration). I answered briefly and unemotionally to the first email, once again asking him to negotiate out of court and he responds with a manefesto outlining all the "lies" and "manipulations of the truth" that I have said to all of our friends. It was filled with about 20 points that were completely untrue. I never responded as I was on a week long competition out of state w our ds and didn't have access to a computer. And I wanted to have fun with my son. For the record, shithead ended up paying $300 of the $1200 expense for the trip.

I know I should not bother to try to correct his lies, but I so want to try to settle this out of court. I did NOT do so well in court at our D trial thanks to no fault divorce and lack of alimony in MD. I'm also pretty sure anything I say will not be believed by asshat.

What I've thought about doing is pointing out and correcting each lie and sending it on to my lawyer so that he may have wind of what my ex has as a supposed defense and then ask his advice about whether I should respond to shithead.

[This message edited by million pieces at 8:24 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)]

badd posted 5/29/2013 08:37 AM

What I've thought about doing is pointing out and correcting each lie and sending it on to my lawyer so that he may have wind of what my ex has as a supposed defense and then ask his advice about whether I should respond to shithead.

movingforward13 posted 5/29/2013 08:37 AM

There is no reasoning with crazy or stupid. Take your pick which one it is. Don't respond, just go through your lawyer.

million pieces posted 5/29/2013 08:39 AM

There is no reasoning with crazy or stupid.

He is both sad to say. I can't believe I procreated with him.

SBB posted 5/29/2013 09:05 AM

I can't believe I procreated with him.

lostmommy posted 5/29/2013 10:48 AM

Don't even acknowledge his email, because that will just engage him. If you need to refute everything he said, just do it to your lawyer this way there are no surprises. But, I have to wonder, does anything that he has to say have to do with childcare or is he just being an asshole?

million pieces posted 5/29/2013 11:21 AM

His email addresses the childcare by saying that he already pays $800 a month for the kids' healthcare (not true, it is only ~$200 additional a month and I pay my percentage of this as it is the CS formula) and that he doesn't need childcare so he doesn't feel like he needs to pay his percentage (not true in the state of MD)and he sure does use it on his days despite not "needing" it. The rest of the email is all about all the expenses he has paid for the kids, most are inflated or just a lie. He claims to have paid for most of our ds's soccer equipment, in reality he has only paid for one set of shin guards, TO REPLACE THE ONES I BOUGHT THAT ASSHAT'S DOG CHEWED UP!!!! I have paid for all the cleats and turf shoes for the past 2 years. He has never paid for any registration fee or equipment for our daughter. He also claims to take care of the kids 99% of the time when they are sick. He does take them most of the time when I ask him, but I stay at home or ask my mom for MOST of the times. I've even gotten a babysitter before asking him. And many more of the same. All is pretty crazy because almost everything he says can be proven otherwise.

Nature_Girl posted 5/29/2013 11:31 AM

Just forward to your atty w/ your responses.

I can't believe I procreated with him

Oh Sister, I know just what you mean!

lostmommy posted 5/29/2013 12:46 PM

Then yes, definitely provide all the documentation to your lawyer. Don't respond to the asshat though. It's so hard not to, believe me, I know. Especially when they're being so ridiculous.

cayc posted 5/29/2013 13:11 PM

The rest of the email is all about all the expenses he has paid for the kids, most are inflated or just a lie.

Have your lawyer ask him for receipts for proof of these expenses.

And you, start keeping receipts and expense log yourself. Bc it sounds like this is a rodeo you're going to have to attend more than once over the coming years.

million pieces posted 5/29/2013 14:22 PM

Oh, I have all the receipts because I have been anticipating this. The taking care of kids on school days is beyond ridiculous, but I'm not sure if that matters. And the fact that over the past school year I've taken the kids on almost every day off the kids have had (you know teacher work days etc). I guess I'm going to have to dig those up too. I can't remember taking a single day off over the past year for myself.

Oh yes, that is why I'm trying to get CS adjusted now. We went to court for our D, and in MD a judge can't order the expenses to be split. So right now, childcare is the highest it will be, my ds will age out after next year and I can use the "extra" (ha, is there any extra!) towards the expenses he never helps with.

I hate this.

million pieces posted 5/29/2013 15:04 PM

This is what I plan to send to my lawyer - have to relook at it tonight after some thought. Any suggestions?

Below is an email that I received from John after he blasted me for "reopening" the divorce case. I have not responded as I was out of town and had no access to a computer. I am including my corrections below. Perhaps this will be helpful to know how he is going to defend himself in court.

..............................................................
Really...Medical expenses? What do you pay? It looks like I spend $800/month on medical expenses, plus I get additional bills sent to me directly which I pay for your office visits. The kids daycare is something that was calculated by the court and the main factor is that I don't need day care. I have paid my fair share of kid extracurricular activities through the past couple years. Including all of Ben's soccer registrations and new equipment. Plus, a lot of it you don't even realize. For example, someone from Brownie's will ask me for money for an activity and I pay it, and don't make a big deal over it.

By the way, I have shared custody of the kids and have taken them almost every extra time you have asked me, including 99% school sick days which have been almost always on your time. I also have taken them numerous times when school is out for you to go to work. In addition, when they do not have school on my scheduled days, I take them; however, I technically am not supposed to receive them until 5PM. So don't tell me that I don't contribute a lot of extra to my kids. Save that for the lies you tell friends, family and your lawyer. As I did with Ben's DI Tournament, I was willing to contribute above and beyond my court order. I raised close to $500 and contributed my own time and money towards that venture.

Keep in mind that the initial child support calculation was done based on your part-time salary. A couple days prior to when you conveniently when fulltime. Funny how the same irony occured when you conveniently got part-time work right after the temporary hearing designation. Maybe you wouldn't worry about your money situation so much if you didn't keep paying for a lawyer every six months to write me a threatening letter or file a motion. Are you up to 30K in lawyer fees now?

You are right, it is a formula. We will see what happens. The only thing I ever see you fight for is money. The kids are happy and well taken care of.
................................................

Not sure where he is getting $800 additional dollars a month to put the kids on his and his wife's family medical coverage. For my medical insurance, it only costs an addition $18/month to cover a family vs employee+spouse. Even adding the kids to my plan without a spouse would only be an additional $275/month.

I pay copays at the pediatricians office every time I take the kids and I am the one that fills most of the prescriptions (Addie has allergy and asthma meds). I have all of these receipts.

In addition, the Child Support form that we got from the judge includes what John pays in medical insurance. That expense is divided. Child care costs were not on the form.

John uses the after school care on all the days he has the kids and in addition he sent the kids to the camp I paid for last summer on his days also (it was cheaper for me to enroll the kids in the county parks and rec program all summer than to do it on a weekly basis). I have never told him he couldn't as this is what the kids enjoy.

John has paid for Ben's regular season soccer registrations (he is refusing to do this now). We have split the registrations for the off season teams. As far as I know, the only "new equipment" that he has bought were shin guards to replace the ones I bought that John's dog chewed up. I have bought all of the cleats and turf shoes. John has NEVER paid for any of Addie's sports or sports equipment (she plays both soccer, dance and lacrosse). And Addie's brownie troop lets me know if John has paid for something, I believe it has been twice over the past 2 years (one being for a special father daughter dance).

John has taken the kids many of the days I have asked him when they are sick, but I don't ask him every time. I have taken off days as has my mom. I've even hired a babysitter. I try to rarely ask him as he has said no in the past while he was working from home (when he lived in my community I had to drive by his house). It upset me too much that he would lie, so I stopped asking unless I couldn't arrange otherwise. And he is forgetting the fact that I have used all my days off so that I can take the kids on most of their random days off during the school year. He works from home, I only have 15 days for vacation and sick days a year. And I believe his wife is unemployed. He really only takes the kids on their days off if it is one of his "scheduled days" and he is saying that he should only be taking them after 5pm.

As for DI tournament in TN (Destination Imagination), it was an unplanned expense. Ben's team made it through Regionals, States, and then went to Globals in TN last week. As with any other club/activities fee, I paid it last December. When the team realized last month that they were going to TN, John and his wife prepared baskets to raffle to raise money. They raised $320 according to the team manager. Not sure where he is getting $500. It cost the team close to $7500 to go to TN. Reluctantly, John gave $300 towards Ben's cost (each family needed $1200 for a kid and parent).

My employment and his conspiracy theories: I applied for MANY jobs in the beginning. I had been out of work for 8 years. While I kept up my main licensure, I let two others expire. I was lucky to get the part time position. I was only moved into the full time position when a coworker was unexpectedly fired. There has been no turnover since then. I have my resume on file at several other local hospitals, there has been no open positions since then. Once again I was lucky to get my positions, timing was certainly not calculated.