This is what I plan to send to my lawyer - have to relook at it tonight after some thought. Any suggestions?
Below is an email that I received from John after he blasted me for "reopening" the divorce case. I have not responded as I was out of town and had no access to a computer. I am including my corrections below. Perhaps this will be helpful to know how he is going to defend himself in court.
Really...Medical expenses? What do you pay? It looks like I spend $800/month on medical expenses, plus I get additional bills sent to me directly which I pay for your office visits. The kids daycare is something that was calculated by the court and the main factor is that I don't need day care. I have paid my fair share of kid extracurricular activities through the past couple years. Including all of Ben's soccer registrations and new equipment. Plus, a lot of it you don't even realize. For example, someone from Brownie's will ask me for money for an activity and I pay it, and don't make a big deal over it.
By the way, I have shared custody of the kids and have taken them almost every extra time you have asked me, including 99% school sick days which have been almost always on your time. I also have taken them numerous times when school is out for you to go to work. In addition, when they do not have school on my scheduled days, I take them; however, I technically am not supposed to receive them until 5PM. So don't tell me that I don't contribute a lot of extra to my kids. Save that for the lies you tell friends, family and your lawyer. As I did with Ben's DI Tournament, I was willing to contribute above and beyond my court order. I raised close to $500 and contributed my own time and money towards that venture.
Keep in mind that the initial child support calculation was done based on your part-time salary. A couple days prior to when you conveniently when fulltime. Funny how the same irony occured when you conveniently got part-time work right after the temporary hearing designation. Maybe you wouldn't worry about your money situation so much if you didn't keep paying for a lawyer every six months to write me a threatening letter or file a motion. Are you up to 30K in lawyer fees now?
You are right, it is a formula. We will see what happens. The only thing I ever see you fight for is money. The kids are happy and well taken care of.
Not sure where he is getting $800 additional dollars a month to put the kids on his and his wife's family medical coverage. For my medical insurance, it only costs an addition $18/month to cover a family vs employee+spouse. Even adding the kids to my plan without a spouse would only be an additional $275/month.
I pay copays at the pediatricians office every time I take the kids and I am the one that fills most of the prescriptions (Addie has allergy and asthma meds). I have all of these receipts.
In addition, the Child Support form that we got from the judge includes what John pays in medical insurance. That expense is divided. Child care costs were not on the form.
John uses the after school care on all the days he has the kids and in addition he sent the kids to the camp I paid for last summer on his days also (it was cheaper for me to enroll the kids in the county parks and rec program all summer than to do it on a weekly basis). I have never told him he couldn't as this is what the kids enjoy.
John has paid for Ben's regular season soccer registrations (he is refusing to do this now). We have split the registrations for the off season teams. As far as I know, the only "new equipment" that he has bought were shin guards to replace the ones I bought that John's dog chewed up. I have bought all of the cleats and turf shoes. John has NEVER paid for any of Addie's sports or sports equipment (she plays both soccer, dance and lacrosse). And Addie's brownie troop lets me know if John has paid for something, I believe it has been twice over the past 2 years (one being for a special father daughter dance).
John has taken the kids many of the days I have asked him when they are sick, but I don't ask him every time. I have taken off days as has my mom. I've even hired a babysitter. I try to rarely ask him as he has said no in the past while he was working from home (when he lived in my community I had to drive by his house). It upset me too much that he would lie, so I stopped asking unless I couldn't arrange otherwise. And he is forgetting the fact that I have used all my days off so that I can take the kids on most of their random days off during the school year. He works from home, I only have 15 days for vacation and sick days a year. And I believe his wife is unemployed. He really only takes the kids on their days off if it is one of his "scheduled days" and he is saying that he should only be taking them after 5pm.
As for DI tournament in TN (Destination Imagination), it was an unplanned expense. Ben's team made it through Regionals, States, and then went to Globals in TN last week. As with any other club/activities fee, I paid it last December. When the team realized last month that they were going to TN, John and his wife prepared baskets to raffle to raise money. They raised $320 according to the team manager. Not sure where he is getting $500. It cost the team close to $7500 to go to TN. Reluctantly, John gave $300 towards Ben's cost (each family needed $1200 for a kid and parent).
My employment and his conspiracy theories: I applied for MANY jobs in the beginning. I had been out of work for 8 years. While I kept up my main licensure, I let two others expire. I was lucky to get the part time position. I was only moved into the full time position when a coworker was unexpectedly fired. There has been no turnover since then. I have my resume on file at several other local hospitals, there has been no open positions since then. Once again I was lucky to get my positions, timing was certainly not calculated.