In hopes that I do not offend anyone, I read this and the first thought that came to my mind was "Yes, because I personally am afraid to count on a man" (or other person, no offense to the men on this board). Growing up, my father always told me "GO TO COLLEGE. You need your education, because you CANNOT depend on a man to take care of you". Literally 2 weeks before I graduated with my Bachelors degree, my ex left me. I was 4 months pregnant. Had I not gone to college, there is no way I would have gotten a job when my daughter was 2 months old that paid for all of our wants and necessities.
Again, this is just all my personal opinion...
editted for spelling...
[This message edited by pmal64 at 9:57 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)]
Of course adding children changes the dynamic too so there's no easy one size fits all philosophy either.
ETA - I think its also important to realize that the role of a father has been terribly diminished in our society, by both men and women.
[This message edited by RyeBread at 9:56 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)]
Growing up, my parents told me to get a job after high school. I had 3 jobs at age 19. First job at 16. Then, I realized I needed an education to make more money and be well rounded.
I always imagined my cowboy would come riding in for me, like my daddy. He's such a great man, hard worker, awesome father and good provider! Wish my H were more like him. :(
Yeah it would be great if we could all afford to be SAH parents. I doubt that the non-21% were thinking it would be better if mom stayed home chain smoking and throwing empty bottles at her kids because they were crying and shit, though.
Just my 2 cents but I personaly feel that each and everyone of us should be willing and capable of supporting ourselves. Anytime we abdicate our personal freedom by having someone else provide for us it only creates dependency and resentment. Self reliance is key.
+1 to that sir.
It doesn't matter. As long as we had money to pay our bills, who cares who's earning more? If we're all supposedly equal I'm not sure why this is news.
If I have another child, I'd like to SAH simply because I don't think I could be the employee I'd want to be or the mother I'd want to be with two kids and a FT job. For some families that's not an option. My mother told me (before I got pregnant with DD) that she feels like women ought not to get pregnant until they can afford to SAH. I gestured to my niece and nephew at that point and said, "Well, there you go mom. If I follow that rule, these will be the only grandchildren you have." My daughter is in full-time daycare and she's the happiest child on the planet. It's not poison.
I just realized I'm rambling. Sorry, haven't slept much lately.
The income gap between the two groups is quite large. The median total family income of married mothers who earn more than their husbands was nearly $80,000 in 2011, well above the national median of $57,100 for all families with children, and nearly four times the $23,000 median for families led by a single mother.
I agree that my kids need to have the education to get a job to support themselves (although if they choose to be a stay-at-home parent that is ok too).
[This message edited by MovingUpward at 10:25 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)]
Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless
We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.
He's currently in school because he needs a better job/more stable career to be able to support two families.
So, even if they do not leave/pass away, sometimes you cannot count on them to support you.
Reconciled
My mom should have left my dad - for our sakes as well as hers - but, even with our support, could never summon the will to leave out of fear of financial consequences. She never finished her education and the sporadic work she did outside of the home would not have been enough live on.
I found myself in a similar position, all these years later. And though I don't think she would have liked that I had to learn the lesson she wanted to teach me in this way, I'll be finishing my MA this year.
I thought WH#2 would be different. He seemed really proud of my ability to support myself and my two kids. Now I can see that he also had problems with my independence and he also has low self-esteem issues from a lack of education. Just last night he was whining about his job. He has been on it for almost 30yrs, it's a union job, and it looks like it is on it's way out soon and he is panicking because he doesn't know how to do anything else. This job is even getting to him because everything is technical now and he is totally lost with all of that. He never took the time to upgrade his skills or his knowledge base and now is feeling very lost and sorry for himself, but won't do anything about it. I think this is a lot of his buried issues, but I can't help him. I am now trying to get my own self-esteem, health, and mental fortitude back to do what I need to do for me. It is hard to do now, but I will do it because I know I can. I have done it before and I can do it again.
My mother, with just a basic education during war times, was forced to work, take care of him and raise me.
She always told me to get an education above all. She always reminded me that whether I was on my own or married, I needed to be able to support myself. And so I worked hard in school, and invested 6 years into further education at college and in internships. When I was 16 I started working during school vacation and I held a wonderful part-time job while in college.
Today I am so very, very, very thankful for my mother never, ever letting up. I can live a comfortable life with my income and save a good chunk for retirement.
I don't mind out-earning a partner in a relationship. I did for the majority of my marriage and it was never an issue.
I am having a big grin though on my face knowing that I am out-earning XH who is struggling to keep up with the bills. While he is ramping up his spending to keep OW happy and continue the charade of the rich guy , I have totally refocused and reprioritzed my spending. I sleep well at night.
I was a SAHM for six years and don't regret a moment of it, but even as an advocate of SAH parenting, I know what the unpleasant reality can often be and do worry about my friends who SAH. So far, they all seem to have upstanding spouses, but if their spouses died or left them, they would really struggle to support themselves in this economy (not due to lack of education-- due to being out of the workforce so long).
I never wanted to be controlled by a man financially and that has been my driving force in becoming the career woman that I am. I was also the breadwinner in my M up until my WH opened his own business. Now we earn equally (which I like because it doesn't put me in that 'mommy' role for WH).
I think this issue contributed to my FWH's "issues." He knew I didn't need him...
^Same here. In fact my WH actually told me that he felt like I didn't NEED him. I didn't and frankly would never want to be in that position. MOW was super NEEDY. She needed my WH to help save her from her own broken world.
That said, Barbara Walters said one time in reference to women: I believe it's possible to have a great marriage and a great career, or to have a great marriage and great children, or to have great children and a great career but it's awfully tough to have all three at the same time. I must say, reluctantly, that I do agree with this. Now, I'm not talking about a job on general and I don't think Barbara Walters was either. I'm talking about a great career, the kind that makes you a high earner and requires a lot of yourself. If you're juggling all three of these, a marriage, children, and a career, I don't think you can do all three well. Something will suffer.
[This message edited by debbysbaby at 7:47 AM, May 30th (Thursday)]
