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Newest Member: BrokeninSept17 (61547)

User Topic: Letting go
♀ 37922
Member # 37922
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel very fortunate. Or maybe a better word is blessed.

My H has been wonderful - supportive, remorseful, transparent. He's a different man. For 8 months he has been attentive, communicative, affectionate, appreciative.

There was my resentment - mostly towards the cOW - misdirected at times - but H was owning his shit and refused to deflect the damage onto her.

But still - there was a nagging - I don't know - something. I was close to forgiving, but i was hanging on to the last thread that, in my mind, kept him "indebted" to me for the fouls committed during the A.

I indulged myself - thinking about revenge on OW - imagining how H would have felt if I hadn't agreed to R. It held me back, but I didn't know how to let go.

Last Sunday, a dear friend - a friend who supported me immensely through this mess, lost her young adult son. She dropped me off after an afternoon out, and she found him - he died while asleep.

All the little things I've held onto seem so trivial now. I'm not minimizing the pain the A caused me. I'm not saying the harm wasn't real. But I've been reminded that life is short. You never know when your time comes. And in contrast to my dear problems - my loss - seems so small.

I fully forgave my H the night the dear boy died. I don't know if I forgive cow - but I haven't thought about her in days (except to notice I don't think about her!) I'm not even feeling vengeful toward her - and I can hold a grudge like no other. I feel healed. I feel like, given the big picture, I can let go of the things that were holding me back.

I don't know what tomorrow holds. Perhaps I'll pick up those resentments where I discarded them. Who knows? Maybe H will do it again. But life is too unpredictable - too meaningful to hold on to anger and hate.

Me - BW - 44
Him - FWH - 42
Married 16 years
D day - 1/2 truth - July 2012
Full disclosure - August 2012
EA with skanky waitress coworker
3 kids - 14, 16, 21
In R

Posts: 791 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Canada
♀ 38207
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nora, I totally get this. One of my H's co-workers was shot dead in his car in front of his wife and daughters about a month ago. Really helped me let to of so much I was holding on to. Then, an out of town trip through some beautiful country. There is so much good and beautiful and right in this world, why should I let it be blackened by anger and hate. Glad you found some peace.

Posts: 1595 | Registered: Jan 2013
tired girl
♀ 28053
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 5:51 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me 47 Him 47 Hardlessons
DS 27,25,23
D Day's becoming less important as time moves on.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt
My bad for trying to locate remorse on your morality map. OITNB

Posts: 7444 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: Inside my head
Topic Posts: 3

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