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Contacting OW?

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getting_stronger posted 5/29/2013 16:35 PM

If you did this, how did your WS handle it? I seriously want to text her and tell her to stop communicating with my husband. Good idea? Bad? Ugh. I'm just so sick.

stillcrying4ever posted 5/29/2013 16:41 PM

I did several times before she took him home to her bed. She didn't care. Fwh gave her my cell number so she could contact me. You can read " My Story". Pretty much tells what happened. I will never regret calling her or writing to her employer. But obviously she could have cared less until her employer was written to.

Jada52 posted 5/29/2013 16:55 PM

I am getting ready to contact the OW in my situation as well. As soon as I tell him he needs to leave, telling her she is welcome to the lying cheat.

NoraLee posted 5/29/2013 17:21 PM

If OW is already aware she's an OW - it won't do squat. If anything it seems to amp them up. I contacted OW - told her if she texted my H again I would tell her employer she's buying and selling prescription drugs at work, I'd out her to her live-in bf and I'd call CAS (canada's CPS) to report her for getting high and supplying pot to her 15 year old self-harming daughter. It didn't do a damn thing. She continued to text H until he changed his number a month later.

Contact her H if you want to effect change. OW will just look at your contact as a challenge.

allfalldown posted 5/29/2013 17:28 PM

I will not contact the OW or her BS. MY WH and I really have enough to deal with as it is. I know that this could be a hot topic and I want to explain my reasons and give a different perspective than many people on here. I don't need any more negativity surrounding my situation. I do not want to be responsible for the reaction that the OW or her BS will have towards my WH if he were to find out. I don't want to give the OW any more power than what she already sucked out of my WH. I believe that it is better for me to focus all of my energy on my M and off of the OW.

fourever posted 5/29/2013 17:41 PM

Do not contact OW. She knows perfectly well what's going on.
However, do contact her husband, BF.
People knew, but they didn't bother to tell you. Would you have liked a chance to stop it early or prevent it? Or, even shorten it.
People (her "friends/family" knew my situation, I didn't get it until 4 years later. Not fun. One of them was a BS, go figure.

Contact the BS, give him evidence then cut them both off. Don't tell your WH you are doing it until after you reach BS.

musiclovingmom posted 5/29/2013 17:58 PM

When I first found disturbing texts (before the A started) I confronted both her and my man (then BF, now H). Both assured me there would be no further contact. After DDay, I found out that their contact increased and they started sleeping together less than a month after they swore they would never speak again. They spent the next 6 months hooking up a couple of times a month. I talked to her after DDay also. She was accusatory, belittling and rude.
My H never told me not to. He also did t get upset when I did. However, it did not have the effect that I desired. Even after DDay, my H received texts from her for two months that he refused to reply to.

doesitgetbetter posted 5/29/2013 18:00 PM

A lot of guys just LOOOOVE it when 2 women fight over them. REALLY feeds that ego that they need stroked in the first place. So for this reason alone, I wouldn't bother. You've been registered since 2011, so if she is still contacting him and he's still responding, then there are WAY bigger problems here than the OW.

If she's still contacting him and he's NOT replying, then get a new number asap.

Fire96 posted 5/29/2013 18:31 PM

I contacted the OM.

Gave him a week to get back with me, or else.

After a week, I wrote him a letter and handed it to his wife.

He called me later, and confirmed what had happened, and apologized.

Then, his wife took the kids, house, and all of their belongings, and divorced him.

He should have returned my call in a timely manner.

What a Dickweed he was.

Katieisfree posted 5/29/2013 19:57 PM

I spoke to OW. She blame shifted and did not apologize. It gave me an insight into what type of woman she was and how low my husband had gone.

When my WH found out he made contact with her to see if I had upset her. He was more concerned about her feelings than mine. This was just another step backwards in our R but reading on this forum is par for the course. No contact = no more hurt.

I felt I had to get some idea of what she was like because I had not realized that the A was about my H not about me. I am glad I met her I now know the face of evil.

LivinginLimbo posted 5/29/2013 20:46 PM

When we blocked the MOW's cell, she got another phone. That's when we went to a lawyer. He wrote a letter on my H's behalf telling her to stop contacting him. He enclosed a copy of the law she'd be breaking should she text/email/call/whatever.

So far, blissful silence. Sometimes you need to hit them over their puny heads with a hammer.

getting_stronger posted 5/30/2013 00:14 AM

Thanks for sharing your stories. I've decided not to contact her.

This is a different OW than the one that was there when I registered 2 years ago. Pathetic.

Right now we are both in limbo- trying to decide what we want.

Happydays posted 5/30/2013 00:58 AM

I contacted the OM.

Gave him a week to get back with me, or else.

After a week, I wrote him a letter and handed it to his wife.

He called me later, and confirmed what had happened, and apologized.

Then, his wife took the kids, house, and all of their belongings, and divorced him.

He should have returned my call in a timely manner.

What a Dickweed he was



[This message edited by Happydays at 12:59 AM, May 30th (Thursday)]

nolight posted 5/30/2013 03:09 AM

Limbo is soul destroying, I'm sorry this is your second time around. I think you have made the right decision not to contact her. I thought about it but in the end didn't want to give them any reason to talk about me or invite either of them (ow and ex h) back into my life, I realised that my focus needed to be on me not either of them.

I hope you're doing as well as can be expected (())

SoVerySadNow posted 5/30/2013 15:29 PM

I contacted the other idiot. (This was based on what I had been told at the time, and that amount of TT angered me enough to get mad enough to call her disguised number in his contact book. It would have gone really bad for her if I had known the whole truth when I called.)
She would have had to gain IQ points to be as dumb as a brick. She didn't seem to comprehend my anger or understand that I really meant my threats, uhem, "promises", I mean. She asked that I tell WH that she said "hi!".
As far as I know, that Sloth and WH never had any contact again so maybe she did get scared. But then again, who knows-he lied and cheated.
Oh, and WH didn't seem to have an opinion about me calling- he was in panic mode.

[This message edited by SoVerySadNow at 3:35 PM, May 30th (Thursday)]

Titanium posted 5/30/2013 18:09 PM

I went to see the OW last year and found it empowering and liberating.

Told my WH. He didnt want to know about it. Good i said. I wasnt going to share what we spoke about. He was shocked i went there.

Just goes to show who has balls in this relationship. It told him that i have no problem in contacting her.

I have since just recently phoned her askingvwhy she has tried to make contact again. Not sure if i got the whole truth. Dont care really. She knows that i dont beat around the bush. She did apologise this time for what she did to me which helped me to let go a bit.

Told WH again he didnt want to know what we talked about. Wasnt going to share anyway.

I did this for me. I have no regrets and got some power back from it.
I never really knew how it was going to pan out. Didnt care. Just was protecting and fighting for something in my life that some filthy skank had no right too. I wanted her to feel MY energy and i accomplished that.

IMO its really up to what it is you need for yourself from making contact with the OP. It could go either way. The A was slowing down so perhaps my timing was right, not sure. But like i said i got enormous satisfaction from it. I intimidated and humiliated her with sheer class, style and grace......go me!

If you need to make contact be sure deep down in your heart and gut that you need to do this but only for YOU.

And dont give a rats what your WH thinks. He didnt think about you.

Best wishes on your decision.

((((Hugs to you))))

Got2GO posted 5/30/2013 18:39 PM

I couldn't contact the other women. They were just prostitutes. I wasn't mad at Them they were just making their money off of some old fool.
I believe that the blame should never lie on the OW/OM. They are not in a committed relationship with you, your SO is. Don't waste your time. Just get rid of the bum and move on!

knolls posted 5/30/2013 21:12 PM

Oh but I replay over and over in my head what I would say to her. I will run into at some point, she works for my husband, and there are functions I attend, and she'll be there working.
I did e mail her the day I confronted my H. But I just told her I wouldn't contact her H. I told her I hoped no one ever hurt her as much as I was heart and to think long and hard why she risked so much, she has a young child.
Her H also works at the same place. My H told me she is still scared I will tell her H. Which means they are still in contact if he knows what she is afraid of.
So the answer is yes, I will be contacting the OW-and it won't be pretty

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