Anyway, the shit hit the fan at his house and he backed way off me. (Teach him to screw my wife and get in my face afterwards). But I wasn't done by a damn site. They screwed in a public park with kids near by. I was able to get video from the surveillance cameras going up everywhere. Judge wasn't happy with either of them. I saw to it that this made the local news. He doesn't have much education but he had a good job. They canned him when it came out because it embarrassed the company. His kids are humiliated at school. He's the butt of many a joke in our small community. Of course he is the one begging now to please lay off. Like hell! Any way I could think of to torture this guy was on the table...and still is.
Now, he of course through her under the bus. Called her every kind of slut in the universe. When she tried to go to him to ride it out he assaulted her so he'll be enjoying the state correctional facility for a few years. I visited him and asked if all the fun he had with my wife that he bragged about was worth it. He could barely speak with the tears rolling down his cheeks but he started banging on the glass between us and that earned him a trip to the hole. It just keeps getting better and better.
Well, here's what's what about my handle. My WW got real humble real fast. She tried to be super wife. I was having none of it. She was gonna leave me for that prick, no problem.
Just a little back story. My childhood sucked. My father was an ok guy I guess but as a husband and father he was lousy...cheating, drugs, disrespect, etc. I use him as a negative example. If I get into a situation with my wife or the kids I ask myself what would Dad do...and do the opposite. This strategy usually served me well. I was/am a very conscientious husband and father. I lost sight of that for a while because of the A. I was HATEFUL NOW!! I persecuted my WW because I figured she was just doing things to save her ass. For months I was basically grinding my heals into her with all manner of psychological abuse. I enjoyed reducing her to tears. I'd build her up just a little then kick the legs out from under her. I'm not proud at all the way I was treating her, but at the time I couldn't see how despicable I was, only her betrayal.
I made the kids get paternity tests and I made her tell them why. When she tried to sugar coat it I was right there with the vinegar to sour things up. This kind of thing went on for months, as I said.
The epiphany came from our youngest, the 4 year old. He's a real techie. He got ahold of WW iPhone and filmed me during one of my epic tyraids. The video horrified me. What had I become. If I didn't see it I wouldn't have believed it. I was spewing venom on everyone and everything around me, toxifying the entire environment. I had to change...and QUICK! To WW credit, she hung in there with me. Most women would have left and I doubt there was a judge anywhere who wouldn't have given her custody on the spot had she pushed it. I bent her...like a pretzel...I bent her, but she didn't break. It made me proud of her and ashamed of myself at the same time. She hurt me bad, I tried to hurt her worse. I never laid hands on her, but I think she would have preferred that. As a matter of fact, based on some of our conversations, I'm sure of it.
Anyway, I got us into counseling, IC, MC, the church, etc. We are in a much better place now. I kept my handle to remind me of where I NEVER want to go again. She makes things up to me every day and I do likewise for her. I love her so much.
As an attorney even I sometimes find it difficult to get 'on the other side of the glass' to visit a client. How did you manage to do that? Just curious. I don't know a prosecutor (or defense attorney) who would allow the person responsible for the charges to visit the accused or convicted while incarcerated unless it was agreed upon by all parties involved.
How did you do it?
And good luck to you.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
I am glad you saw how you were and are working to change it.
The rage is unbelievable. Kudos to your wife for withstanding your wrath. Mine was usually not directed at my cheating husband because I felt a great deal of responsiblity for making him unhappy.
Affairs are horrible things and until you have experienced one in your relationship, you don't know how damaging they are.
So glad you are posting and sharing your feelings. It is a hard thing to do, but is so healing. I hope you guys can work through this and end up with a strong marriage. I think that is all that all of us can hope for. K