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TattoodChinaDoll posted 5/30/2013 08:03 AM

Well, I did it. I emailed an attorney. After looking through many websites this morning I chose a lawyer. They had an option to be contacted through email so I chose that since the 4 year old doesn't go to school today and I don't want to talk to a lawyer in front of her. It was surprisingly easy to hit that submit button. Maybe that's a sign I've had enough and his comment yesterday (thread in general) was the last straw. I don't know where the hope came from that he would wake up but it was very very slight.'s gone. Oh well, he is losing one fucking awesome woman.

ButterflyGirl posted 5/30/2013 09:26 AM

Big hugs to you girl.

Honestly, with how verbally and emotionally abusive he is (like mine is) you REALLY need a shark lawyer. Of course, we are all mediating and accommodating and would be willing to get this over quickly, but I guarantee your WH will try to contact you and intimidate you and bypass the lawyers, so you need protection. Find the best bulldog you can. I wasted 5 grand on a mediating puppy dog lawyer since I wanted things simple and easy, but this will NOT be simple and easy for you. Do as much research you can and find someone who has experience dealing with this kind of ex..

And I agree, you sound awesome, and it's totally his loss

ninebark posted 5/30/2013 09:52 AM

Excellent! I was lucky in that my sister is a lawyer and was able to reccomend a good family lawyer to me who didn't over charge and handled everything smoothly.

Once we are gone they realize what they lost. Stay strong!!

confused615 posted 5/30/2013 12:26 PM

I need an aggressive,take no shit attorney. Your WH makes alot of money...I guarantee he will have a shark attorney.

TattoodChinaDoll posted 5/30/2013 12:32 PM you guys are scaring me! No email back yet...not that I'm checking every 3 seconds....

ButterflyGirl posted 5/30/2013 13:12 PM

You'll be fine. Just document everything (as in EVERYTHING), keep all communication via email and text for proof, don't make ANY verbal or written agreements without your lawyer, and let your lawyer do their job.. Your ex will try to manipulate or persuade or convince you to do things that are NOT in your best interest, making them seem like they are... Do NOT trust him anymore, especially if he knows you're consulting with a lawyer..

Don't defend or explain yourself to your ex. Don't let him know where your heads at or what you are thinking.

It IS scary. That's why I hide behind my attorney and let him fight for me..

It will be rough, but try your best to IGNORE him (besides specifics regarding the kids). He will keep trying to hook you, with sweetness and anger and pity and God and whatever else he can think of, but don't allow him to do that anymore. Divorce is war. And as much as he is the enemy to you, you are now an enemy to him.

I know this is hard to accept from someone you love, and that you want so bad for him to love you back, but you gotta think with your head now and not your heart.

And that's exactly what your lawyer will do.. And honestly, the more crazy ridiculous your ex is without you getting sucked into engaging, the MUCH better you will look to a judge if it comes to that..

You can do it!!

confused615 posted 5/30/2013 13:30 PM

Don't be scared. What you are doing is incredibly brave. Im very proud of you,TCD. I know how hard this has been for you.

[This message edited by confused615 at 1:31 PM, May 30th (Thursday)]

nowiknow23 posted 5/30/2013 15:01 PM

Big hugs, honey. (((((TCD)))))

crazyblindsided posted 5/30/2013 16:19 PM


I hope I have the same strength you do when I come to the same conclusion.

You are VERY awesome and brave!

tesla posted 5/30/2013 18:24 PM

I'm sorry that your WH is such an asshole (read your thread in general).

But I'm really glad that you've found the courage to email a lawyer. I was so scared to go to consult with a lawyer but after I found one that I felt fit me, I felt in control...and after all the bullshit that a ws can put you's fucking nice to feel in control.


Amazonia posted 5/30/2013 18:36 PM

Scary but big step. Good job!!

TattoodChinaDoll posted 5/31/2013 08:36 AM

The lawyer finally got back to me and I called. No free consultation. And the fact that I'd basically be using WH's (do I call him STBXWH) money to look into divorcing him, I don't want to cause any trouble. I don't think he would go off on me using his money for this but I'm trying to keep this as cut and dry as possible. For example, I need to do some food shopping today. I made sure to text him (so I had documentation) to say that I needed money for shopping and that the list was on the fridge and to take out cash for the amount he thought I needed for those items. That way he can't say I asked for a certain amount that I didn't. Anyway, I have an email in to another lawyer who specifically said free consultations on his website. Still not sad today. But I do feel more nervous.

caregiver9000 posted 5/31/2013 10:13 AM


You got this.

Thinking ahead like you are is good strategy. Imagine everything being read to a judge.

As for what to call your WH/stbx... some of us found a way to highlight the reasons we don't have spouses anymore by nicknaming them with their faults. Others find this an unnecessary insulting practice that interferes with effective co-parenting. Since I had no future in co-parenting, I found a nickname that suits my twisted humor and reminds me I am NOT dealing with a human being with a name or anyone in any kind of positive relationship (past or present or future) with me...

Do what works for you.

TattoodChinaDoll posted 5/31/2013 10:15 AM

Jerkface McGillicuddy is too long. I've got to come up with something else.

caregiver9000 posted 5/31/2013 10:18 AM

You could always shorten it to JfM and define it in your tagline.... if you like your first choice that is.

Helps to have a sense of humor here doesn't it?

TattoodChinaDoll posted 5/31/2013 10:21 AM

Yes, though sometimes I feel bad about having a sense of humor. That people will think I'm not taking this seriously or it isn't as serious. It's my personality and probably keeps me out of jail.

million pieces posted 5/31/2013 10:31 AM

Just wanted to say, depending on your area, the "good" lawyers don't do free consultations. I live in the DC/Baltimore area and when I got a list of the best, not a single one did free consultations.

TattoodChinaDoll posted 5/31/2013 10:37 AM

That thought did cross my mind. I guess this will be a learning experience!

Nature_Girl posted 5/31/2013 10:51 AM

No lawyers do free consults around here.

gma56 posted 5/31/2013 12:26 PM

I was pro se for 99% of my divorce so when I finally had a wonderful attorney to deal with FT and his POS attorney that were trying to bully me, it was priceless to let my attorney to do the talking.

Good luck and now you know with out doubt that nothing will change with WS.

As others have said, no communication with STBX is the best for you.
The wrong thing said by you can set the divorce back for months and many more $.
Big Hugs and you have great support and wisdom here in D/S.

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