I think women solve problems too, but to over-generalize, I don't think we go about it in the same way. From my own relationship, I can say that my husband will throw everything he's got at a problem. In fact, I've said the same thing to him that your wife has said to you: I don't need a solution, I just need you to listen.
When we talk about stuff, it's our own way of turning the problem around in our heads to see every possible angle, every possible solution.
Analogy: a leak in our house would have WH jumping to repair it. He'd try one thing after another, without stopping, until he found the solution that worked. For me, I would move more slowly - I would make sure that no more damage is done, but I might not make the effective repair until I knew for sure that what I was doing would work.
As a BS, I want to know daily what my WH is doing to "fix" this mess. I want to know that it consumes his thoughts the way it consumes mine. And I want to not always be the one to bring it up. BUT - I can remember being the WW... the guilt and remorse from my affair did consume my thoughts, but I never wanted to bring it up to my then BH because I thought it would cause him more pain. Knowing then what I know now, I would talk about it all the time. I would apologize every day. Hell- every hour. I would text him constantly, and keep him informed of every self-discovery/epiphany I had, every book I read, every 2x4 I took and felt.
I'm rambling - this is a long way of saying you need to talk to your wife. Yes, part of it is the fact that men and women solve problems differently, and the OTHER part of it is that she probably has no idea WHAT to do to show you that she's working on it!!
[This message edited by ms521 at 9:24 AM, May 30th (Thursday)]
Me: FWW (STA 2002), now a BW.
Him: FWH (OW1: 2006-2007), now just WH (OW2: 2010-2013)
I will never stop trying... because when you find 'the one' you never give up. (Cal Weaver)