Without going into a long story, I had asked if he wanted a little extra time with the kids. He told me no, that he couldn't because he had to work every night this week.
Well, I saw with my own little peepers the other evening he and someone (it would be awesome if it was some other slob aside from the slunt) driving down the street headed toward one of his favorite drinking spots. Working, my ass.
Anyway, it pissed me off for about a half a second. And then I thought, this guy is really too twisted and narcissistic for words since he still, after all this time, feels the need to lie. There would have been nothing wrong with telling me he had other plans. But no. He has to lie to me to make it seem like he really would want to step up and be a good dad, save and except for work. When the truth is that he can't even really admit to himself that he'd rather drink than spend an extra couple of hours with his children.
He's really fucked up. Really. I guess that for people like this self reflection is like kryptonite. He will never look. He will go on with his life making sure that anyone who expects him to do the right thing only sees what he wants them to see. That's why he picked her. She is an amoral, juvenile, ignorant POS who expects nothing from him in terms of morals or ethics. He could care less what she sees. Hell, shes already seen and been an accomplice to his very worst self. Everyone else? He will run and hide his true self for as long as he can.
I'm so sad that he is their father. But I'm also really glad that I no longer have to be caught up on his deceit. He still lies, and it looks like he will forever, but it no longer hurts me.
I won't ever argue with anyone again that this is really his true self. It must be exhausting to live a life full of such bullshit.
[This message edited by suckstobeme at 9:02 AM, May 30th (Thursday)]
I think I'm finally coming off of that merry-go-round as well. When I start to try to understand him, I actually stop myself. I can't understand him because he is an immoral, selfish person who puts himself above all others (including his children).
I'm so sad that he is their father.
Ditto that. That is the sole reason that I still feel such anger. I honestly don't care what he does on his own time and with whom he does it. When the kids are involved, though, it still angers me that he treats them like they're cute, adjustable props that make him look like the family man in the OW's (and society's) eyes. They're human beings, not accessories, and I hope that I can some day come to accept that he'll never be any better than that and just help my kids through his crap when they need it while obtaining the zen state of "meh."
He will go on with his life making sure that anyone who expects him to do the right thing only sees what he wants them to see.
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
Know that you are not alone. Thanks for posting.
It has helped me not to expect anything but difficulty on anything. I do forget and think he will be different with the kids. He however has shown the kodsb who is really is.
I finally saw my xh's current paystub and blow me away but he still lies. This is who they are whether we are with them or someone else is. We didn't have the power to make them behave in the marriage, we have no power to do it now and neither do their own kids.
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley
