"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

suckstobeme posted 5/30/2013 09:01 AM

I will no longer resist the idea that ex asshole really is a narcissist. I don't know about full blown npd. I don't think he's quite there, but narcissistic tendencies? He's all over that.

Without going into a long story, I had asked if he wanted a little extra time with the kids. He told me no, that he couldn't because he had to work every night this week.

Well, I saw with my own little peepers the other evening he and someone (it would be awesome if it was some other slob aside from the slunt) driving down the street headed toward one of his favorite drinking spots. Working, my ass.

Anyway, it pissed me off for about a half a second. And then I thought, this guy is really too twisted and narcissistic for words since he still, after all this time, feels the need to lie. There would have been nothing wrong with telling me he had other plans. But no. He has to lie to me to make it seem like he really would want to step up and be a good dad, save and except for work. When the truth is that he can't even really admit to himself that he'd rather drink than spend an extra couple of hours with his children.

He's really fucked up. Really. I guess that for people like this self reflection is like kryptonite. He will never look. He will go on with his life making sure that anyone who expects him to do the right thing only sees what he wants them to see. That's why he picked her. She is an amoral, juvenile, ignorant POS who expects nothing from him in terms of morals or ethics. He could care less what she sees. Hell, shes already seen and been an accomplice to his very worst self. Everyone else? He will run and hide his true self for as long as he can.

I'm so sad that he is their father. But I'm also really glad that I no longer have to be caught up on his deceit. He still lies, and it looks like he will forever, but it no longer hurts me.

I won't ever argue with anyone again that this is really his true self. It must be exhausting to live a life full of such bullshit.

[This message edited by suckstobeme at 9:02 AM, May 30th (Thursday)]

movingforward13 posted 5/30/2013 12:02 PM

*hugs*

tryingagain74 posted 5/30/2013 12:51 PM

Sorry, STBM. I know just what you mean.

I think I'm finally coming off of that merry-go-round as well. When I start to try to understand him, I actually stop myself. I can't understand him because he is an immoral, selfish person who puts himself above all others (including his children).

I'm so sad that he is their father.

Ditto that. That is the sole reason that I still feel such anger. I honestly don't care what he does on his own time and with whom he does it. When the kids are involved, though, it still angers me that he treats them like they're cute, adjustable props that make him look like the family man in the OW's (and society's) eyes. They're human beings, not accessories, and I hope that I can some day come to accept that he'll never be any better than that and just help my kids through his crap when they need it while obtaining the zen state of "meh."

gonnabe2016 posted 5/30/2013 13:09 PM

He will go on with his life making sure that anyone who expects him to do the right thing only sees what he wants them to see.

I would suspect that he is doing the same thing with OW. For all you know, he's told her that you won't *allow* him to see the kids and/or that *you* are the batshit crazy one......

numbandnauseous posted 5/31/2013 00:05 AM

stbm - wanted to let you know that I feel the same about my SA/NPD WH. He lies about so many things and cannot stand to look at who he really is. So sad, and painful, esp wth kids involved.

Know that you are not alone. Thanks for posting.

wontdefineme posted 5/31/2013 00:24 AM

The best way to deal with knowing for certain that he is broken is to look back over the marriage and see it was always like this.

It has helped me not to expect anything but difficulty on anything. I do forget and think he will be different with the kids. He however has shown the kodsb who is really is.

I finally saw my xh's current paystub and blow me away but he still lies. This is who they are whether we are with them or someone else is. We didn't have the power to make them behave in the marriage, we have no power to do it now and neither do their own kids.

SeanFLA posted 5/31/2013 08:54 AM

I felt the same way about exWW. Her weekend to have spend time with our son. I was out with a local SI friend and drove by the old house on that Saturday evening just to show where I used to live. Her mother's car was in the driveway. I know she was there to babysit so exWW could go out. Really?...still calling on your mother so you can go out to dinner drinking? Not full blown NPD but just enough still to continue using her parents. Not sure who I blame more...exWW or her parents who enable her because they do any little thing for her she asks. After all, they should feel pity for her because I was the bad guy here and forced her to cheat and get divorced.