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Looking for advice on next steps - Gotta Go

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april12 posted 5/30/2013 13:14 PM

I've gotten to the place where there really is no talking to him. He's verbally and emotionally abusive when he doesn't just shut down and walk away. He says nothing in his defense or to deny even the outrageous things I ask him about. He has shown absolutely no remorse for the things I know for fact, and we cannot get thru a basic conversation about any topic at all. So...
I'm looking for help on what steps I need to take. How do I make a plan? I have a 10mth old and a 2yr old and a full time job with an hour commute. I know I need a place to live, daycare, ?? I have family that will help me financially, but I am very overwhelmed and can't think thru the details. Does anyone have a checklist or thoughts about what exactly I have to do to just get out of this horrible situation?

[This message edited by april12 at 1:16 PM, May 30th (Thursday)]

Undefinabl3 posted 5/30/2013 13:38 PM

1. Get a battle buddy or two. Trusted people that you can go to IRL to help. Also, depending on where you work, and how much trust you have in the HR department, you may want to at least clue your boss or an HR person into what is going on. You would be suprised at how often they are helpful. Where I work they actually have networks for lawyers and therapists to help with life stuff.

2. Call a lawyer and at least get an idea of what you need to do legally. Your local BAR association will be able to direct you to lawyers that will help if you dont have alot of money. Most lawyers will do free consults.

3. If you are willing to move closer to work, great. Get online and start appartment hunting, see if you can tour a few places, find out the costs of them.

4. When you find one you like, start looking at daycares in the area. Interview them.

5. You need to have copies of everything. SSN, birth certificates, the deed, all the banking information, credit card information, retirement information, stocks/bonds/CD info, utilities, phone, cable - until you are divorced you should still have everything in case you need to contact someone.

I think the biggest thing is to just start stepping. Once you realize that its not as scary as you think to step out into the world.

TrustGone posted 5/30/2013 13:57 PM

The positive thing is you have family that are willing to help you. That will be a life saver for you in the long run. Also get some IRL friends that you can count on to be there for you when you need them. Just having someone to hash all this out with helps. Get all paperwork in order. You will need to produce copies for your attorney. Get copies of his paystubs so you can prove his income for CS. Make copies of any and everything. You will be surprised what all you need to come up with.

I think my biggest issue after filing for D from XWH#1 was child care issues. I worked 12 hr days and had a commute also, so I was having to pay daycare and a private sitter after day care until I could pick up my DS8. Other than that things just sort of fell into place in my life. I dicovered I was happier without him than I was with him. You do form a new rountine for yourself. You just have to put one foot in front of the other and start moving again. (((HUGS)))

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