SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Mack25 posted 5/30/2013 17:04 PM

Any men here who have had an unfaithful wife ever done a post Nup agreement? Something along the lines of that if there is an infidelity again she would on get partial child support and no alimony. Wonder if anyone has done in past and how it was received. I do believe that nothing will ever happen again but I see no reason not to protect my financial assets given I'm gone if anything happens again.

jo2love posted 5/30/2013 22:02 PM

Bumping in hopes that someone who has done a post nup, reads this and gives advice.

TXwifemom posted 5/30/2013 22:12 PM

I'm not a man, but I am a physician making >200k. My WS is a stay at home dad.

I did a post nupt. I gave an ultimatum, sign or I leave.

First, you can't put anything about kids or child support in. Not legal or ethical.

Second, yes, I would have had to pay him 5k a month in alimony (wtf) even when I had proof of his multiple affairs.

I gave him half of the current assets, then made sure no alimony in the post nupt. So, anything after his affairs is mine, treated like we divorced, as long as it is in my name.

Btw, open that subject up to more than men..... Some women make more (1 in 4). And, women who are married to a man who makes less are much more likely to get cheated on, from a statistical standpoint.....

PM me if any specific questions :)

TXwifemom posted 5/30/2013 22:15 PM

Don't put any conditions in. Just say in event of a divorce, no alimony, so the burden of proof is not on you. If you divorce regardless of the reason, no alimony.

Again, you can't negotiate child support or custody.

My attorney told me I was the only person he knew that had a spouse sign a post nupt. But it was simply a deal breaker if he didn't. No effin way I am paying him alimony when the marriage ended because of his cheating ( which would be the only reason short of abuse that would make me leave)

Mack25 posted 5/30/2013 22:43 PM

Thanks for the info. I didnt want to sound sexist and I agree about many females making more. It was more regarding how each sex responds to the request. I think a female in your position has more power to get a husband to sign it and good for you. I would 100% want to provide child support. I'm a physician as well making over 500k and she stays at home. Two months ago she was really drunk and made out with some random guy. I'm not going through that again and that is why I want to put is in place.

Next step bringing it up

La Traviata posted 5/30/2013 22:44 PM

I looked into it, but unless you're in TXWifeMom's situation where you have assets you would want to protect, it's usually not worth the expense.

First of all, for it to have any chance of holding up in court, you have to hire THREE lawyers- one for you, one for him/her and another to "evaluate" the agreement to make sure it's fair. And since it's basically a divorce settlement, it has to be pretty fair- a post-nup that says "if you cheat you get the clothes on your back and nothing else" is not worth the paper it's printed on.

Even if you go through the whole process, post-nups have a dismal track record because there is basically no way to argue that the "losing" party didn't sign under any kind of duress, because a post-nup is kind of an inherent duress in and of itself.

Another avenue to explore is whether your state has "fault" divorce or not. If you can prove infidelity and get a fault-based divorce, you will have to pay little to no alimony.

Again, from a legal standpoint a post-nup is pretty much about protecting the financial assets of the faithful party and preventing them from having to pay alimony. What I wanted was for him legally bet everything he owns on his own fidelity. That's not realistic.

TrustGone posted 5/31/2013 11:03 AM

Yes. It would be nice if it worked that way wouldn't it. They should really put that in the marriage license... "Any act of infedility and you are really screwed" I bet that would keep a lot more people faithful before they played fantasy island.

Skan posted 5/31/2013 17:40 PM

However there is another way that you can go about this. And that is to pursue a post nup (or a post marital) that states that certain assets that you have jointly are now confurred upon you or her as a joint agreement, and from this point on, you and/or she owns them. I believe that the phrase of the lawyer that I talked to was "in consideration." So, In Consideration for her waiving any alimony from a divorce, you give her X (1/2 of the assets you've accumulated to date, a house, a specific amount of money). In Consideration of you (fill in the blank), she gives up her right to x. Almost like you're filing a pre-martial afterwards.

Yeah, it's a lot more complex. And we were told that we needed two lawyers one for me and one for him. And I would imagine it has a lot to deal with whatever state you're in I'm in California.