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Divorce/Separation :
How did you celebrate after final D?

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 PanicAttack53 (original poster member #34195) posted at 11:49 PM on Thursday, May 30th, 2013

The final hearing on my D is set for June 6th. The magistrate told both L's that he set aside 7 1/2 hrs. and we will not leave until there is a deal done and singed off on. I am of course ecstatic and thinking of ways to celebrate.

So what did you all do to celebrate after final D? I need some ideas.

[This message edited by PanicAttack53 at 5:50 PM, May 30th (Thursday)]

Me-BH Her-XWW | B/ 59 on D-day (11/17/11) | D final on 10/1/13 I'm Lovin' life again!
Rest of the story really doesn't matter any more.
“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have.” ― Eckhart Tolle

posts: 926   ·   registered: Dec. 13th, 2011   ·   location: Midwest
id 6355476
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tesla ( member #34697) posted at 12:29 AM on Friday, May 31st, 2013

When the decree came I didn't feel like celebrating. I remember putting my son to bed and drinking a bottle of wine. Pretty sure I cried and posted on SI.

Sorry for the downer response but even though I thought I was going to be all happy and want to celebrate...that was not my reality.

Hope someone comes along with a happier suggestion!

"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

posts: 5066   ·   registered: Jan. 31st, 2012
id 6355527
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Sad in AZ ( member #24239) posted at 12:32 AM on Friday, May 31st, 2013

I went to Las Vegas with a couple of SI friends.

You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.

Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-63
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011

posts: 25351   ·   registered: Jun. 3rd, 2009   ·   location: Arizona
id 6355531
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Amazonia ( member #32810) posted at 12:34 AM on Friday, May 31st, 2013

I had a bachelorette party

My girlfriends made me a sparkly pink sash that said "Back on the Market" and we went to dinner, drinks at one of my favorite bats, and then dancing at a meat market club. It was awesome.

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

posts: 14469   ·   registered: Jul. 17th, 2011
id 6355535
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Vulcanized ( member #33523) posted at 12:44 AM on Friday, May 31st, 2013

I drank a ton of whiskey, shot pool w/a good lady friend & played my inner theme-music on the jukebox.

I had friends that wanted to throw a party. Not what I wanted at all.

Me: fBW/MH 40s
3.26.13: Liberation day: D'd the whiny turd after being saddled with a serial cheating, NPD, jitbag 10 years too long

Now:-----> Everything is as it should be

posts: 940   ·   registered: Oct. 4th, 2011   ·   location: The Hostile City
id 6355549
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HeartInADustpan ( member #38341) posted at 1:46 AM on Friday, May 31st, 2013

After D from XWH#1, I let him keep everything, took a buyout and ran fast.

After leaving the courthouse, I walked into an empty apartment that was entirely MINE. I seriously sat in the middle of the floor and drank a bottle of wine out of a plastic cup. It was one of the most amazing moments in m life.

Just call me Heart. :)
Reconciling
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything" ~Mark Twain

posts: 379   ·   registered: Feb. 4th, 2013   ·   location: St. Louis
id 6355616
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lieshurt ( member #14003) posted at 2:44 AM on Friday, May 31st, 2013

My D coincided with my birthday, so I went to San Antonio with a group of friends to celebrate both.

No one changes unless they want to. Not if you beg them. Not if you shame them. Not if you use reason, emotion, or tough love. There is only one thing that makes someone change: their own realization that they need to.

posts: 22643   ·   registered: Mar. 20th, 2007   ·   location: Houston
id 6355704
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nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 3:17 AM on Friday, May 31st, 2013

I asked wasband to take a "victory" photo of me holding the final decree on the courthouse steps. He obliged. And then I ran across the street to change my name at the social security office, and then off to the DMV to update my driver's license.

And then I went home, did usual Mom stuff (school pick up, homework, etc.) and made my kids a Valentine's dinner.

Yup - my D was final on Valentine's Day. By choice.

You can call me NIK

And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane

posts: 40250   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2011
id 6355740
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thebighurt ( member #34722) posted at 3:37 AM on Friday, May 31st, 2013

Where I live, you don't find out you're D is final until after the fact. Turns out, when I found out and thought back, it had been just a perfect way to celebrate.

It was gorgeous weather and I spent the day with DGD. We went to lunch, then sat on the patio of a place along the lake drinking wine and people-watching.

DD joined us at DGD's house for a wine, cheese and chocolates party in the evening. I got a fortune cookie with the perfect message for the day: "All good things will now come your way. " when i got home and found out I was D then, it seemed even more perfect!

I called some friends to tell them about after I got home and found out and we went out for a little celebration after the fact.

We're due for another celebration soon for another of my friends. She and I were thinking that signing the final papers would be very difficult and emotional, but after all our WSs had put us through, it was very easy and satisfying.

Good luck.

Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

posts: 5033   ·   registered: Feb. 3rd, 2012   ·   location: the Other Side
id 6355756
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thebighurt ( member #34722) posted at 3:48 AM on Friday, May 31st, 2013

I saw your victory photo, NIK! That was around the tine I joined here. You didn't leave it up long before it poofed, but it was definitely a look of joy and victory.

I almost forgot-- I still consider my trip to Ireland a celebration of the D. I had always wanted to go there but xpos always told me if I wanted to go there, I would have to do that without him. So I did! And had a much better time that way!! I met a lovely group of women also traveling alone or with other women to do things with and now have 8 new friends!! Perfect!

Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

posts: 5033   ·   registered: Feb. 3rd, 2012   ·   location: the Other Side
id 6355777
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wontdefineme ( member #31421) posted at 4:45 AM on Friday, May 31st, 2013

Don't forget its a funeral for a dead marriage. And since we didn't want to be divorced in the first place, we might be ecstatic, our hearts are broken.

I was happy he was gone, but sad my family was forever torn. Nothing to celebrate for me.

posts: 2328   ·   registered: Mar. 5th, 2011
id 6355838
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ButterflyGirl ( member #38377) posted at 4:49 AM on Friday, May 31st, 2013

I'll probably be sad, but not for any emotional reasons..

WH has the BEST family health insurance plan out of anyone I know. No premiums, $10 doctor visits, $10 counseling visits, $25 ER visits, diagnostics fully covered, specialists fully covered, 80 cent medications, it's really the best of anyone I've ever talked to..

He keeps delaying the divorce by not providing all his financials, but I'm not complaining all that much (though it's funny when he blames me for delaying it).. C/S checks are coming in, and I'm feeling more detached than ever, so I'll let him pull this crap as long as he wants

But I will be glad to officially be done with that lying, cheating POS.. I'm not much of a wine drinker, but I'm sure a night out with the friends will be in my plans. With a couple of beers and plenty of shots being the drinks of choice. After we designate a DD. Or hire a limo. With a Jacuzzi in it

[This message edited by ButterflyGirl at 10:54 PM, May 30th (Thursday)]

xBW~ 40
Two DS~ 15 and 11

posts: 3123   ·   registered: Feb. 6th, 2013   ·   location: Flat Earth
id 6355842
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wannabenormal ( member #19772) posted at 6:42 AM on Friday, May 31st, 2013

I personally wasn't real happy about it all. Once we mediated, I went out for a g.d. drink with XH. <y'all see that? WITH XH! We even ran into my attorney as bar and courthouse on same block. Lawyer asked, "Wanna - WTH are you doing?!" I said, I dunno, getting 'a' drink. And we had two, very odd & sad for the time, but it was meant to be I guess.

Once it was final in court, we both showed up (dressed well and separate). I cried the whole way home; I don't know what he did - surely celebrated with OW in some way.

For me - it wasn't a celebratory occasion. It was sad, sucky and g.d. costly.

[This message edited by wannabenormal at 12:45 AM, May 31st (Friday)]



posts: 15096   ·   registered: Jun. 4th, 2008
id 6355922
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SBB ( member #35229) posted at 10:10 AM on Friday, May 31st, 2013

I won't celebrate the end of my M but I will celebrate that I survived this intact and more alive than ever. I'll also formally christen my NB.

Friends, love, laughter and wine.

I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

posts: 6062   ·   registered: Apr. 4th, 2012   ·   location: Australia
id 6355987
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Happydays ( member #38681) posted at 11:13 AM on Friday, May 31st, 2013

Initially and on the divorce day I was happy to experience freedom. And all the congratulatory messages I got from friends and relatives backed my happiness.

I was happy that I survived a false DV case, a false mental torture, possible jail time, long court battle, possible monetary loss that I had worked hard for, the physical impact on my health, my emotionally torn life, health of my parents due the shocker.

After the dust settled, I mourned at what had happened. I still feel bad for DS. He is a good kid and his school teachers are proud of him. His teacher cried for him that he will be bought up in a broken home.

Yes, I did go out with my friends, had a good time. They too were happy for me, that I was liberated from torture.

exW was visibly sad on divorce day. Her father and BIL were sad D was happening to their family, but, it was they who encouraged the whole thing by not 2X4 their girl.

Sadly exW could not come out of the lies she spread about me. There was no coming back to me after all the false allegations she laid on me.

Hope she is happy now, after EVERYTHING she did.

I checked OBS's FB page and she seemed happy to come out of her 180 and has rejoined her family. She posted some recent pictures of herself with her DS.

So OM got to screw my life and now is back with his family and career. And I am separated from DS. This is life.

BH 33
FWW 32
DS: 3 year old.
Dday 10/14/2012
No remorse so:
Divorced 02/15/2013. No alimony, no CS, got apartment. Won all battles and mind games off the courts.

posts: 294   ·   registered: Mar. 9th, 2013
id 6356021
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foxglove ( member #21791) posted at 1:21 PM on Friday, May 31st, 2013

My XH did not move out until the day our divorce was final.

It was my IC who suggested having the locks of the house changed and going out to dinner with friends who were helpful during the process - and that's just what I did. It was not really a celebration, but more of a desire not to be in the house alone on my first night.

Good luck.

Me (BS) 57
XH (WS)
Married 21 years
Divorced 2/19/07
Two grown sons
Remarried 9/18

posts: 1563   ·   registered: Nov. 26th, 2008   ·   location: Southeast Michigan
id 6356118
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damncutekitty ( member #5929) posted at 2:24 PM on Friday, May 31st, 2013

I had a sort of reverse bachelorette party. I encouraged guests to wear old bridesmaid dresses (guys wore crazy ugly suits/ties). We started the night with dinner at a Tiki/Biker theme bar, which included a cake that said Happy Divorce. The heavily tattoed staff was amused at the party theme and comped my drinks.

Then we went dancing at a goth club. Followed by singing at a piano bar. It was a great night, and I got free drinks EVERYHWERE from other bar patrons when they heard what the party was all about. One o f my best parties ever. And two friends who met that night are married now. (made for a great story at the wedding)

12/18/15 found out my now EX boyfriend was trolling CL for underage girls. From the cops. The fun never stops.

posts: 49560   ·   registered: Nov. 29th, 2004   ·   location: Minneapolis
id 6356186
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Helen of Troy ( member #26419) posted at 2:26 PM on Friday, May 31st, 2013

I felt very indifferent the day the divorce was final. That feeling kind of took me by surprise.

Post divorce was a process nothing special or memorable to mark the occasion. I spent money on myself, de-cluttered and got rid of negative memorabilia, worked out at the gym really hard, wrote in journal, drank more than usual, got to know my authentic self rather than who he wanted me to be or who I thought I was supposed to be. Made my home girly rather than neutral, got rid of all those efforts to be "fair" that he always screamed about but yet was never fair to me only him. Reclaimed my space, my bed, bought a good B.O.B. (no, not ashamed of that).

posts: 4809   ·   registered: Dec. 4th, 2009
id 6356192
laughing

Helen of Troy ( member #26419) posted at 2:30 PM on Friday, May 31st, 2013

Hey Panic just for fun, google image: divorce cake and ring coffin.

posts: 4809   ·   registered: Dec. 4th, 2009
id 6356199
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SeanFLA ( member #32380) posted at 2:42 PM on Friday, May 31st, 2013

I was really hurt. It was probably one of the darkest days of my life and i didn't know what to do or where to go. I try now not to think back on it.

But I do remember a special SI friend who helped me get through it. Calling me as I sat in the parking lot before I stepped into mediation to carve up 21 years of my life in a few short hours. I will forever be in her debt and would still do anything for her if she ever needed something.

[This message edited by SeanFLA at 8:45 AM, May 31st (Friday)]

BS(me) 53
WW 52
1 son 20 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley

posts: 1647   ·   registered: Jun. 4th, 2011   ·   location: Zombie Land
id 6356219
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