SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

has anybody had they're WS just be ridiculously good at mending what they broke ? its only been a month out and we had our first MC and the WH has booked our next 12 sessions already and he was the first to speak to our MC about what he did and how badly he wants to save us he was very honest and laid it out for her (she was amazed) i also had some pre-marriage stuff on my side that i let come to light on Dday so i wasnt the only one crying that day . During our break up before we got married i slept with a much older man i was under age and never spoke a word of it to my H until he told me about his ONS a month ago. His anger made him forget what he had done and for the first two weeks it was about him .....but quickly came around and began to focus on what he had done not saying he forgot about my issue but none the less we stayed positive and he has so much hope and answers every question i have has worked on communication and is doing the MC homework and setting time aside for each other i wouldnt say were HB because our sex life was always on the regular but it has become more emotional & very passionate but were not bunny rabbits.
He stays calm and he is patient and when he sees me down he trys to make me laugh , he is regrets his ONS and actually did "finish" and kicked her out because he said that he just asked himself WTF am i doing i dont want this , i thought i did but i dont ! though im glad he "remembered" me its too late they went to the point of no return he was in her . MAN THAT KILLS ME !!! were high school sweethearts and this past weeks i catch him staring at me and the our girls and he would say things like "damn , i love you girls so much what was i thinking " or " your it for me women your the most beautiful thing i ever laid eyes on and i was fucking stupid " he says everything right does everything right and is making plans for our future and swears he is holding on for dear life and that he would do everything under the sun to prove to me that this is it and he isnt in the business of making the same mistake twice . he says he will never let another word to me go unspoken and will tell me when things get rocky and that this girl was worth his time (she didnt require effort she pretty much said have at it )he never searched for women that she literally just came into the picture and offered and he made the poor choice to go forward and quickly regretted it and came to me to confess . he is a very honest person and up until now he was always loyal not the player type he doesnt search for attention (women tend to go after him ) hes the buff , tall, dark and handsome guy (my curse lol ) but the confusing part is I KNOW AND MY GUT KNOWS he loves me and his heart it SOOO with me no doubt all before he was a great father and provider and man he was a committed husband never went out with the guys (his choice) he prefer to fish or hang with our girls . hes a home body and he is no flirt had that girl never came and offered herself for the night he would have never went forward . he tells me nothing stood out about her had she never came up to him he wouldnt have looked twice or she would have gone un-noticed . but she said he was the most good looking guy and she had to have him and to take her to his room( he was out on work trip) when i asked to tell me what she looked like she was nothing like me ! im a latin 23 year old . I have dark brown hair , she is blonde, i have curvy hips she had none. I have a well endowed rear end hers was well not there . my bust not big but her were non exsistant . she was short and i am tall only thing is that were both slim ....its seems shallow i know but you think maybe they couldnt help themselves because the chick was a super model our a porn star but no nothin to her so he says . anyways getting away from the topic hes doing everything right i mean everything i most a BS could ask for and he still asks what else can he do . So why is it that im still lost in the ONS i disect and there really is nothing left because its only a 2-4 hour thing to go by from the first hello to the get the hell out my room . what else can he tell me that he hasnt already said what else can i ask that i already havent he went step by step through it all . it still blows my mind because he tell me i have so much more than that girl could ever offer to him or any man for the matter. he claims to hate her and never exchanged info other than first names because she cut to the chase and was clear of her intentions .ppl here have it worse than me with LTA , EA and my husband LOVES me but i cant get unstuck and embrace all of what he is doing for me ...how?

darn typos , i was going to fast (he DIDNT FINISH)

Hold onto the good feelings you are having now, they will help you get through when the roller coaster goes down. This bit of bliss that you're feeling, I felt it too, for about 5 months or so after DDay. I thought H and I would be the couple that healed within a year because my H was the model FWS as well. Then the shock wore off, the anger set in, and I realized the "truth" I thought I had from the beginning was in fact not the truth in it's entirety. So be prepared for TT, it happens in just about every situation.

And if you sit and think about it for 2 seconds, they say it takes 2 to 5 years to fully heal from infidelity. You are just a month out, so why WOULDN'T you still be hurt and feeling things and thinking things and wanting to talk about it? When they say it's going to take a long time, they MEAN it's going to take a long time. My H had ONS's with random people, his first one was a customer that he only spent 4 hours in her house and she was able to get into his pants. She wasn't nearly as hideous as he tried to describe her the first few times... he did that to not hurt my feelings. Also very common.

You're going to have ups and downs, it's great that he seems to be doing the work, but this is a marathon, not a sprint. So while it's wonderful he's doing the work now, it's how he goes on in the long run that will determine how much he wants to fix things. I hope for you, for your family, that he's a good long distance runner.

its only been a month out

What your H is doing sounds great, and given more time, if he keeps it up and continues to follow through in this positive direction that will definitely be a plus for your M IMO, but as you said, it has only been a month, more time is needed for him to "prove" himself so to speak.

but i cant get unstuck and embrace all of what he is doing for me ...how?

Unfortunately the answer is time and what you do with it, but no matter how hard you work, it still takes time to process it all, work through it, etc.

ppl here have it worse than me with LTA , EA

doesn't matter, pain is pain, you hurt, you have things to process, your H has things to work through, don't minimize, honor your process and whatever it is you need.

Grace

[This message edited by GraceisGood at 7:34 PM, May 30th (Thursday)]