well i've pretty much been in near constant agony, or at least pain or anxiety, or depression, but mostly major huge anxiety since Dday. But today I was sort of overcome by how SICK the whole cheating, sneaking around, lying, all of it behind other's back is. I mean the meetings in parking lots, driving into garages so no one sees; the whole thing, it's just criminal and SICK! Putting loved one's hearts on a skewer to be delivered to them on some unknown Dday; it's just Sick! The whole thing is just so sick that now i'm just feeling not rejection, not poor self-esteem, not horror or disbelief or how could he.. not any of those horrible thing; what i'm feeling is Repulsion! I'm grossed out by him and by her and by any sick, twisted emotionally deficient person who behaves in this way and puts supposedly loved ones in such harm's way without truly realizing the devastation! Today I don't feel like a victim; i feel like a wronged party to a Sickness. And I can breathe again. And now i'm also beginning to understand in my heart how Sick the WS's feel when they really Do come out of the Fog and come face to face with their own Sickness. And how resistant they are to feeling this, because it makes them feel Sick!
Gosh I hope this makes sense to someone.
I agree a truly remorsful WS would (and should imo) feel sick for what they did.
Hang in there.
But today I was sort of overcome by how SICK the whole cheating, sneaking around, lying, all of it behind other's back is. I mean the meetings in parking lots, driving into garages so no one sees; the whole thing, it's just criminal and SICK!
Gosh I hope this makes sense to someone.
Makes perfect sense to me. You have to be sick in your soul to abuse the trust and love of someone you've pledged your life to like that. If mystery and excitement is what you want in life, read a good book or take up skydiving. Buy a sports car. But betray your spouse and turn your back on your vows? Sick.
You have to be sick in your soul to abuse the trust and love of someone you've pledged your life to like that.
It is the sickest, most cruel thing someone can do.
I don't understand, at all. My WH wants to now, after a year and all our work, sweep it under a rug and forget.
Forget the most horrifying thing he could ever do. A year of work in MC. Now, when I bring it up - it's horrible. Fuck him and fuck her too.
Sorry, I'm having a bad day.
So yes very sick!
There is nothing that can justify that. I don't care how crabby I was, how golden her genitals were.
Putting loved one's hearts on a skewer to be delivered to them on some unknown Dday; it's just Sick!
Today I don't feel like a victim; i feel like a wronged party to a Sickness. And I can breathe again.
Oh yes. Now you are really getting it and seeing it for what it is.
And now i'm also beginning to understand in my heart how Sick the WS's feel when they really Do come out of the Fog and come face to face with their own Sickness. And how resistant they are to feeling this, because it makes them feel Sick!
Oh yes. If he ever really DOES get it, he may find that 'Very Special Coffee Ice Cream' may leave a 'Very Nasty Aftertaste' - one that lingers too.
In some ways, the continued sick behaviour of the WW permits me to detach as much as I can, and although difficult, it is better than her being all nice and apologetic.
Sick is a good word
To good people, who would never entertain the idea of cheating, it is truly DISGUSTING behavior. Seriously, if you NEED to cheat and lie, you should not be married, get out and be honest with your spouse before you do something so devastatingly cruel. How would you like it done to you? Nobody deserves it, there is no excuse.
I totally agree. I had always told him if he wanted someone else to leave me first. I think I was a safety net in case it did not work out with the OW. He knew I would be here in case she was not as serious about a future as he is. She is and they are. I would never have done anything like this to hurt him. I do admit I can be a bitch and maybe I made him feel unloved/neglected as he said, but it is not all my fault he turned away. He made the choice to text her, call her and go see her and on the other hand she knew good and well he was married. They both have been cheated on and dang well know how bad they have shattered my heart and tore my world apart.
Sick and twisted and it is unfathomable to me HOW anyone can justify their behavior.
So many innocent people are hurt.
This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet
I am a college professor--been one for twenty years. This is a profession that is absolutely notorious for affairs between starstruck romantic students and opportunistic professors.
It's like shooting fish in a barrel. I have seen countless married colleagues (all male, but whatever) over the years hook up with their attractive young students. Mostly for short term affairs, but a few for longer.
Since I began teaching when I was twenty-five years old, I have had countless female students nearly blatantly--as well as blatantly--throw themselves at me. I never took advantage. Never. Even before I was married, it seemed at best a stupid thing to do career wise, and at worst highly unethical, sleazy, and predatory.
When I got married, it continued. At least once a semester at least one student has made it clear she has a crush on me. Again, it would be so easy. But never once did it seriously cross my mind to do that to my wife and family. It can be flattering and even amusing--especially when they are half my age trying to behave like some femme fatale.
I would be lying if I said I wasn't tempted here and there--though "only physically." But so what? Just because I am hungry I am not going to,devour poison. What stopped me was an immediate reflex: this would hurt my wife and my children. Therefore I won't do it. I did not have to ponder it for more than a split second.
It was not and is not complex. You don't do it. You just don't, like other "rules" in life. Does that make me "normal," and therefore our cheating spouses sick? I don't know. But I do know, again, that I never had to think about it. I just would never have done it. It is a matter of love, trust and respect.
The best word I always see on this site is not "sick," but "broken." That is not to say these spouses are evil or beyond repair or mentally ill; but to do this, and repeatedly, to the people who love them and whom they profess to love? It is beyond me and something I am finally am tired of trying to figure out.
What will forever be burned into my memory, along with a litany of excruciating memories, is me looking into my wife's eyes--mine pouring tears--and saying, "What you are doing is hurting me. Please stop hurting me." She never did. So now it is up to me to stop the hurt.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.