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crushedsoul27 posted 5/30/2013 22:14 PM

After almost 4 months, last night my 23 yo Daughter finally over the phone hit me with a 2x4 between the eyes and told me what everyone I love has been telling me and all of you on SI have been telling me, to stop talking to my WS. Tonight I finally said to him I'm not going to be available for a while. His response was "how long" I said I don't know! We are not getting anywhere and you are not doing anything to help yourself so I won't be available in your life. This has been a MAJOR weakness for me. No matter how hard I tried, even though I have been implementing alot of the 180 an not intiating any contact I always responded to text or answered his phone calls.
When my daughter said (out of her own hurt and being protective) He doesn't f'ing want you, why can't you see that? Why are you talking to him. If he wanted your marriage to work he would be chasing after you and kissing the ground you walked on.
I just was so crushed and clearly the delivery wasn't my style of choice but WOW she really opened my eyes. This is her Dad she is talking about and as deeply hurt as she is that as well what she has known her entire life could end she said "you are worth more than this, why are you letting him do this to you" I had to really ask myself the same question and finally wake up! I pray every day from here on out to have the strength to not contact him or answer any texts or phone calls. As the 180 says I'm taking a trip this weekend and not saying a word and let a few close people to me know so they won't worry but, I'm getting the heck outta dodge and planning on going as long as it takes to either see him make some MAJOR progress or I decide to file for D. Wish me luck and if anyone else out there had a really difficult time not communicating and have a story to share please do tell!

Me = BS 43
Him = WS 46
1 child 23
Together 27 years
D-Day: Feb. 10, 2013
Separated

[This message edited by crushedsoul27 at 8:12 AM, May 31st (Friday)]

newnormal posted 5/30/2013 22:16 PM

Wishing you strength. Rock on girlfriend!

stilltrying2025 posted 5/30/2013 22:28 PM

Congrats! Keep it up girl

shiloe posted 5/31/2013 04:51 AM

Great idea! Your situation is similar to mine. My 18 D also came to me and told me I need to leave him (her Dad) because she could see how much he was hurting me.

I have no contact with him whatso ever. It will take several years to feel better, but she is right, don't take his crumbs. Hold your head up and know you can be ok alone. I would rather be alone than be with someone who cheats on me.

Pudding posted 5/31/2013 05:18 AM

Remain strong and congratulate yourself for having raised such a lovely supportive daughter, who knows the right thing to say and do and how to tell you in a loving supportive way.

My sons have remained strong for me, particularly in my first marriage re their dad. That bond remains for ever and makes you all stronger.

NeverAgain2013 posted 5/31/2013 07:59 AM

Now STICK to it.

Back down and continue contact with him, and all you'll teach him is that you're not a woman of your word and he won't respect you for that.

Mean what you say, and say what you mean. Anything less is unacceptable.

We're rootin' for you!

crushedsoul27 posted 5/31/2013 11:59 AM

Thanks everyone for the encouragment to stay strong! After telling him last night I'm not going to be available for an undetermined amount of time he text me this morning at 820, Heidi (our schnauzer) threw up her food (sent a pic after cleaning up but major stain on carpet) asking "do I need to let it dry or what? Oh and good morning!" I'm thinking, Really? You will all be proud, I INGORED THE TEXT AND DID NOT RESPOND!! The firt one is the hardest. I know he is just testing me!

Twitchy posted 5/31/2013 12:43 PM

Seriously. Block his number. You don't even need to see or know he's texting or trying to call.

StrongerOne posted 5/31/2013 13:19 PM

LOL! He texted you a pic of a dog barf stain? What a thoughtful guy!

I think I can posted 5/31/2013 13:23 PM

He fired you from that job. Fuck that guy.

broken0322 posted 5/31/2013 13:48 PM

I truly admire your strength! Congrats to you for taking the 1st step to healing and finding you again! Hugs

luv_lost posted 5/31/2013 13:56 PM

You rock and can totally do this!!!

I'm sorry but I totally got a kick out of him having to clean up dog barf...

fourever posted 5/31/2013 14:11 PM

Hurrah!!! I hope you begin a trend!!
Your daughter is wise beyond her years, give her a hug for all of us!

Hope you're going to an expensive Spa!!
Congratulations!!

TrustGone posted 5/31/2013 15:50 PM

Keep up the good work!!! it is hard, but it does get easier the more you ignore him. Once he has no one to bail him out of his shit, he may finally get his head out of his ass. Only time will tell that of course. Go and have a great weekend. Celebrate your new life and new way of thinking!!!!!

Jada52 posted 5/31/2013 16:56 PM

Good for your daughter. I need her to call me

Be strong, you can do it. Wish I could take my own advice.

crushedsoul27 posted 5/31/2013 20:01 PM

Landed in Miami about an hour ago & so looking forward to the weekend away!! Staying with my gubby (gay hubby) in his high rise on Miami beach ready for the weekend!! He is an amazing support.
I'm feeling strong!!!!