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I don't Trust Him. Is it my gut or paranoia

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smthnew posted 5/31/2013 00:26 AM

2nd DDay Anniversary is a month away. I can honestly say, time has been the stitches to my gashing wound. I only cry once a month now. My WH is doing many things right. Affectionate, loving, caring, attentive, romantic, patient, remorseful. However, I don't trust him.

There has been one big sign. He "liked" two sexy pictures of women on his twitter account (that he uses for business, but post a lot of personal pictures). He didn't like their non sexy photos, at least the few I looked at. He later said his friend had his phone one day and he must have "liked" the women.

Then we had a big argument where I told him I can't do this anymore but also about the boundaries that we had about female associates. He told me that he didn't think he could stop being social and talking to women (casually). That turned into me not understanding what he meant. When women are talking to him at work, he thought I wanted him to walk away rudely. Well I don't, but if I did, why the F** not? Anyway, the gist of my argument was that you would take a bullet for me and your kids, but you won't be rude to women? Which he realized sounded crazy, so he put it back on me, like he couldn't possibly be saying that because it doesn't make sense. He also feels like he doesn't go out anymore, hinting that he was feeling boxed in. But when we dug deeper into that, it became very clear to him that I don't stop him from going out. There are lots of things him and the fellas can do that do not include going to a night club or a strip club. So I don't know if he is going through his own phase of post affair, and we shld try MC again or if he is prepping to cheat and these are my signs.

MissD posted 5/31/2013 02:47 AM

After reading your post I think your gut reaction is valid. Some call it social media, but for the WS it quickly turns to stupid media.

Stay strong.

TrustGone posted 5/31/2013 09:22 AM

I know what you mean. It is so hard to trust them when you know they continue to lie to you and try to rug sweep. My gut has always been right since DDay#1 and I have had several since then. Some minor, some major, but my gut always tells me when something is off now or maybe I'm just so hypervigilant now due to his LTA and false R. I will always go with my gut from now on and will never ignore the small stuff like I did before DDay#1. I will also never trust him again and he knows that. If he doesn't like it or like being put on a leash then he is free to move out at any time and I won't stop him. Go with your gut...

fourever posted 5/31/2013 10:06 AM

At a minimum, he has very poor boundaries. Does he understand that each time he "likes" one of those, it tears your heart open?
And, Twitter has tons of "for a good time….. girls.

I think I would go back to MC and take a harder line with him. He's not getting it, or he doesn't want to get it.

smthnew posted 5/31/2013 21:14 PM

Thank you. I will stay vigilant, but I am not trying to stifle his life, I truly feel, that he gets one life, just like I do, and if he feels inclined to destroy our marriage, then I am not going to chase after him trying to convince him not to. If posting on Twitter brings him joy, then he should post on Twitter. If he crosses the line, I will find out in due time. Truthfully, he has been good and seems really remorseful, but I thought I knew him before DDay. It's a real wake up call to realize you really don't know how someone else is feeling unless they are honest and tell you.

Sue1964 posted 6/1/2013 10:59 AM

My gut was telling me something wrong my friends n h telling me I was paranoid .so now I always always believe my gut!!

BeyondBreaking posted 6/1/2013 18:50 PM

It sounds like he is having a hard time setting boundaries with women at work, and apparently on the Internet as well.

I think this starts coming a certain time period out, where they feel that the marriage should be fully recovered from the infidelity. Like "so what if I liked a woman's butt on twitter? So what if I flirted a little bit with a woman- it was at work! I can't be rude!" And then you point out that it isn't just so what, because he does have a history of infidelity, and he acts like you're "still" on it. I deal with it all the time.

Hold your ground and watch him closely.

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