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10th Wedding Anniversary

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Mack9512 posted 5/31/2013 07:30 AM

So today's the day. The first anniversary after my discovery of my Wh's A. I saw my IC last night and we talked about my feelings on this particular anniversary and I was honest and told her that basically I feel indifferent. Not toward my WH, but toward the day itself.

I told her that I'm happy that my WH and I are working through the A together. I'm happy that I agreed to let him back into my life. I'm happy that, along with our DD, we are a family again. But at the same time I feel like "Today's our 10th effin what?"

We are going out to celebrate tonight (as per yesterday's post I did talk to him about the restaurant and he made reservations elsewhere) and I'm sure as the day goes on I will be more excited but for right now I'm 'blah' which makes me very .

heartache101 posted 5/31/2013 08:05 AM

I feel like that a lot on my anniversary. Even after 20 years! It didn't mean a hoot to him. I know I shouldn't feel that way but I do.
But my spouse has not done anything to make that day special again. I try but it falls flat.
I think the WS needs to help us reclaim that day. They can not do what they don't know if we don't tell them. I myself am a litle hard headed and if he can't figure that one out on his own well ya know.

karmahappens posted 5/31/2013 08:17 AM

Ten years is great!

It's the first year, I get that...yes it's hard.

Can you turn it around? Can you recognize that you are making it, fighting through a real shitty time?

All marriages have good and bad times and we know...this is a bad time. But to make it through this, to stay together and heal, make a stronger marriage going forward is a huge accomplishment.

He screwed up big time, yup, but your marriage is it's entirety the good times, the not so good and the colossal screw ups.

You don't have to own just the bad things, remember and own the good and celebrate the commitment to trying, the commitment to change.


Happy Anniversary

LA44 posted 5/31/2013 08:22 AM

Happy Anniversary Mack9512!

And....what Karma said. All true!

Make the choice today to celebrate. And you can remind me of this in November when we celebrate our 16th.


TrustGone posted 5/31/2013 08:33 AM

We have our 9th anniversary coming up next week. It is also the first one since DDay#2 and false R. He forgot our annivesary last year because he was so busy trying to continue to cover up his LTA with OW and keep her quiet. It didn't work. she outed him again because he still wouldn't leave me even though they were "engaged". It still breaks my heart everyday that he could do that to me.

Luckily it falls in the middle of the week so he won't be asking about going out to dinner until next weekend and I can come up with an excuse. I just want to forget the whole day now. I have voiced that I didn't want to celebrate anymore. He acted like he didn't hear me. I don't wear my wedding rings anymore and have taken all our wedding pictures down. It was just too painful to see what he destroyed everyday without a care in the world. He is regretful, but not remorseful which is making R impossible at this point. He refused to see the elephant in the room and I can't make him. I am getting my ducks in a row so hopefully by our 10th anniversary my health will improve and I can get on with my life without him, but with part of his retirement for my troubles. He is fixing to lose his job of 30yrs, he is a bad alcoholic that gets drunk nightly, and basically just the shell of the man I met 10yrs ago. He is on a bad downward spiral and I can't save him anymore from himself. He will hit rock bottom soon and I won't be there to pick up the pieces.

Nailinmyforehead posted 5/31/2013 13:00 PM

Karma, what a beautiful thought you put down. Needed to see this today. Thank you. We had our Anniversary a few weeks back, so it is fresh in my mind.

TXBW68 posted 5/31/2013 13:18 PM

Happy Anniversary Mack!

It's ok to feel indifferent. I felt the same way in March. But then I intentionally tried not to dwell on our issues and just enjoy the activities of the day. Granted we went to Vegas so it was a little easier to avoid our issues. But one question kept popping in my head though. Would I rather be separated on our anniversary? My answer was a definite NO! I didn't want to go through that pain and sadness so many of our SI friends have gone through.

So I tried to focus on the good stuff. We were back together. We were trying to heal and move forward together. So for that one day I stopped putting so much pressure on myself to have a good time. And then I had a good time!

Yes, our anniversaries are important dates in our lives. But really, shouldn't we celebrate our marriage every day? Not just one day a year? Try to forget the "date" and enjoy spending time with your husband. You really deserve a break from the mess. You deserve to go out and have a great night with the man you love - even if it happens to fall on your anniversary!

I hope you guys have a great night!

OptimisticWife posted 6/1/2013 06:55 AM

I agree with Karma too. What a great post!

I labeled our first anniversary after dday our sweet 16th. I was happy that a year out, we were still together, closer and more in love than ever.
I felt some pride in making it to another anniversary considering the hell our marriage had just been through.

I guess if your M is on a healing path by your first post dday anniversary it may help. I understand why it's so difficult others though.

My final dday (confirmation of PA) was just a few days after our 15th anniversary so I think it helped that I pretty much had a full year of healing too.

Happy anniversary to you both and I wish you lots of happiness for you next ten years!

heavyheart1 posted 6/1/2013 07:09 AM

Beautifully put Karma.

karmahappens posted 6/1/2013 12:39 PM

How did it go Mack?

Mack9512 posted 6/2/2013 13:34 PM


thanks for thinking about me this weekend.

Except for a absentminded waitress it was really nice. We spent the evening holding hands, gazing into each others' eyes and talking about anything that came into our heads. It was romantic and healing.

My WH got down on bended knee and asked me to marry him again. He gave me a beautiful yellow diamond engagement ring. We have no plans of renewing our vows any time soon. Nor are we planning a recommitment ceremony. My WH said he needed to tell and show me how much he wants to be with me. He's hoping that we can say new vows down the road though. He knows that we have to wait until I'm ready but he wanted to make sure that I knew that he is ready whenever I am.

We've only been in true R for 3 months but we are moving toward becoming committed to each other again. The amazing thing is that we are in agreement as to what the goal be married to each other for the rest of our lives.


TXBW68 posted 6/2/2013 13:51 PM

I'm so happy for you guys!

karmahappens posted 6/2/2013 15:40 PM

That is awesome. I am happy for yOu both ! Continued success!

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