Is it that you want her side of things or you want to remind her that YOU are a REAL person who she willingly helped to hurt?
I wouldn't call/email/text her.
How are things going with your fWH? Is there another way you can verify what he's told you?
I've said it before, I did with my WH LTA and all she did was directly forward my email to my WH with a bunch of "I told you so" and "You need to leave" crap.
**Edit** And she didn't even have then nerve to reply to me. Not a word.
[This message edited by HeartInADustpan at 12:30 PM, May 31st (Friday)]
and you dont want to let her think for one minute that she is taking up time in your head...even though she is. you dont want her to think that she is relevant to you or your husband.
i am telling you this because i did contact the ow...and all of these things happend. and it was the worst. and in the end....i still didnt feel any better.
i hope you are being talked down....
dont do it.
Instead of one knife in your heart, you got two.
If you contact her, she may lie to you just to hurt you more. She might tell you the truth--but it's not likely. She will probably want to spout off about how SHE'S the real victim in all of this...not you, not your family, and she might tell you how it's all your own fault, really.
Just don't do it.
Post here instead.
I questioned my FWH to death. I've gotten the full truth from my H.
I'll give you the really bad stuff first. I told my H that I was going to contact her and that he should tell me anything that I needed to know before I walked into the shitstorm. It was ugly, but he sobbed hysterically as he told me that he had expressed feelings for her, and that she had written him a letter after their "breakup". When I spoke to her, she told me the "girl's" point of view. All of the emotional stuff: what he said, how they loved being together, how he would hug her to keep her warm.... blah, blah, blah. THIS IS THE INFORMATION THAT HAUNTS ME TO THIS DAY! I have nightmares where she is talking about this stuff! And I have never met her!
The good things. I finally got ALL of the truth from my H. And the OW confirmed all of the sexual stuff he told me without any variation.
But my H denies any of the emotional stuff. So now I'm sort of in the same situation. I believe the sexual stories, but now I don't know what to think about the other stuff.
I do know that hearing her confirmation of what my H did tell me made me stay and try to R, but I am REALLY struggling and I am almost three years out from D-day.
Only you can decide what is best for you, but be careful. You can't unscrew the donkey.
Woke up late today and I still feel the sting of the pain
But I brushed my teeth anyway
I got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face
I got a little bit stronger...
D-day: June 14, 2010
When I feel like confronting her, I think about how that will just validate her feeling of being important in our lives. Better to leave her wondering whether WH and I have forgotten about her because she is so insignificant. Better to show her that she did not damage our marriage and our solidarity. WE are the team--she is an outsider.
Also, I remind myself that NC is NC. If I break it, it gives her an excuse to break it with WH.
As far as why OWs targeted our husbands? I think that emotionally manipulative women have radar for men with bad boundaries. They fish to find out who feels sorry for them. They are messed up, so pity feels like love to them.
Women who are broken in certain ways don't know how to get a man interested other than doing the damsel in distress routine, and making him feel obligated to help. They broadcast "need need need need" and the broken men think they have to respond and placate.
In our case, OW didn't really care about WH. She was just terrified to be alone and desperately trying to fill the holes in her soul.