SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

I've rediscovered yoga (hot yoga) which I love. For 75 minutes, a blanket of heat and humidity wraps me up and demands my undivided attention while I stretch, twist, and breathe through poses. It's really hard - I'm so inflexible I can barely touch my toes, but that doesn't matter. I don't need to share my mat, I try not to look at the prettier bendier people, and instead of touching my toes, I give myself a pat on the back because I didn't quit when it was hardest.

It's a small thing, but I find it empowering, and now I'm looking for other things that I can do for me that are separate from WH. Things that will lift me up. I don't want sad songs, I want to make a playlist of songs that make me want to dance in my kitchen all by myself. I need a break from my stack of infidelity books, and I want to feel inspired by characters who change. I want to watch a movie like Crazy Stupid Love and find uplift from the end where two people who love each other find their way back to one another through a colossal pool of shit that they BOTH created.

I read recently on SI about someone putting their own power in a vase and not giving it away. I want to do that, but I need to feel it before I can bank it. Suggestions??? Please?? What has empowered you during the R process, or continues to empower you?

I love this post because I too am feeling empowered. I love who I am and I am important

The things that have empowered me so far:

1. New circle of friends (all moms like me)separate from him. We do things like go to plays, dinner, kids events, etc.

2. Kickboxing and running

3. Music that fits my mood

4. Not afraid to speak my mind

5. Working always empowers me

6. Doing things for myself like getting my nails done or a massage.

7. Not letting my WH's moods affect me anymore

8. Therapy has empowered me

Taking up a hobby you never thought you would.

Trying a totally new look, haircut, color other than what I had ever done, and liking the results.

For every infidelity related book I read a fun mindless one, like the whole Janet Ivonovich/Stephanie Plum novels.

1. Weightlifting

2. Taking classes and chasing my dream of becoming a microbiologist

3. Cleaning -- I am basically the best housekeeper ever at this point ;-)

4. DIYing / accomplishing things with my hands / working on the truck

5. Training / rehabbing my dog (neglected + viciously abused for first 4 years of her life)

6. Being charitable -- volunteering, promoting a good cause, etc. (I'm also currently growing out my hair to donate but it's been a five-year process so far so not the best for quick results )

Self expression has empowered me. I got a tattoo after Dday1 that said "I Am Enough" in this awesome strong font. Got a nose ring.

Got two more tattoo's and two upper helix piercings. I love them.

Boot Camp, working out at home, went back to school, started making friends that were only my friends, started speaking up from myself...that is it for now, but I plan on doing more for myself when I have more time.

I like how I have a little bad ass in me now. I am not a conflict avoider anymore, much to fWH's chagrin!

It was me to pictured the vase thing. It was done in EMDR therapy... she said to keep track of what I'm doing when I feel the vase is full and when I feel it's not as full. Who am I with, what am I doing.

ms - I LOVE hot yoga too!! I leave my phone in the car and it's just me time! good for you.

LOVE this post! I've had flashes of my former self, but can't seem to hold on to it. This is beautiful and empowering!

Going away for 2 nights last week was empowering. I'm ok, even on my own. It was an opportunity to focus on my needs exclusively.

I find that tackling all the little personal and household projects that I'd been neglecting has been good for me.

Focusing on ME; being selfish instead of always doing for everyone else and neglecting my own needs.

Walking/running

Losing weight (20 pounds since D-day!)

Meeting new people and putting myself out there. Had two meals with classroom moms this week. Fun!

Wow, thank you ALL!! These are brilliant and beautiful ideas. I've actually debated a tattoo (it would be VERY unlike the "old me" but I like the idea that I'm not the old me. I'm becoming someone new and hopefully someone better and stronger than before!) WH would probably not be a fan, but it's not about him or what he wants right now. I love the "I am enough" expression - brilliant!!!

rachelc - I love the vase metaphor (yes - I lifted that from one of your threads). Heavyheart1 said what I'm feeling in that it's hard to hold on to the flashes of the former self, so I thought if I put together a list of things that make me feel stronger/better/powerful (things that have nothing to do with anyone outside myself), then I might find ways to fill that vase!

I like the idea of new friends too!! I didn't even consider that because I have a great group of friends, but I can easily see how some new friends would go well with the new me I hope to be!

Tushnurse - I'm going to pick up a Janet Ivonovich novel - heard plenty about her, but never read one! I need something fun!

I like how I have a little bad ass in me now...

Love this. I'm definitely looking for my inner badass!!