Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-

SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: 2ndtimernd (45746)

User Topic: What Is...???
MammaMia
♀ 34030
Member # 34030
Default  Posted: 2:45 PM, May 31st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Since your spouse's affair, what is the one thing that you cannot stand about him/her that never bothered you before?


And once the storm is over, you wonít remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive.But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you wonít be the same person who walked in. Thatís what this stormís all about.Ē

Posts: 876 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Somewhere in the South
TrustGone
♀ 36654
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 3:43 PM, May 31st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

His stupidity!!!!


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
Spelljean
♀ 35624
Member # 35624
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, May 31st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

His low self esteem that I didn't even know existed before. Now I see it staring me squarely in the face and I don't think he will ever get over the need to feel validated.


WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
lovehurtstomuch
♀ 38836
Member # 38836
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, May 31st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Him going to work since that's were he had his LTA.

His iphone, I hate the damn thing!! To many ways to chat with out it being on the bill. Plus all the stupid dating apps. It made it so easy to hide!


BW-39
WH-39 Affair on & off for 5 yrs, plus a one night stand from dating web apps. My gut tells me there is more.
Married 17 yrs
DDay May 11, 2012 TT for months
Divorced Feb 20 but wking on R


Posts: 24 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: TX
Jada52
♀ 38984
Member # 38984
Default  Posted: 4:42 PM, May 31st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

His dang phone and how he now puts a password on it.

How casually he can lie or how he feels he is entitled to do what he has done.


Silly Slut, husbands are for wives - get your own man B*tch!

Posts: 114 | Registered: Apr 2013
Reality
♀ 39077
Member # 39077
Default  Posted: 6:47 PM, May 31st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me, too: his phone or him being engrossed in a computer - which is really uncool because he's a law student and is always studying or editing.

The sight of them in his hands is too painful; I can't breath and have this mad impulse to run far, far away. Peripheral and connected: if he takes his phone into the bathroom. Instant panic.

If I say something to him about it, he's immediately contrite, but man, oh, man, that I have to say anything about it at his point is another layer to the trauma.


Posts: 292 | Registered: Apr 2013
Sal1995
♂ 39099
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, May 31st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Her low morals and character, poor self control, lack of boundaries, need for validation from men, any man, really. Low self-esteem. Not sure I could pin it down to just one thing.


Me (BS)-46, WW-43
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling

Posts: 1487 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
Ladyogilvy
♀ 31558
Member # 31558
Default  Posted: 8:59 PM, May 31st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

His going to work, having lunches with his partners who treated me with unforgivable levels of disrespect when they assumed their meal ticket was getting a divorce.

I also tolerated a lot things in the past that I have no tolerance for now... From anyone. Our MC says that's a good thing. I feel like I was a nicer person before and I'm ambivalent about walking around in bitch boots.


Me: BW a youthful 49
Him: alcoholic, sober now, WH 56
Married 19 years
Two sons, 16 & 17 years old
DD? He's still keeping secrets and only admits to what I have indisputable
evidence of... the $2000 earrings he bought her for x-mas.

Posts: 1536 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: California
solus sto
♀ 30989
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 9:14 PM, May 31st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Him.

Seriously.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 9042 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
MissD
♀ 39377
Member # 39377
Default  Posted: 9:36 PM, May 31st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

His "need" for social media (validation) and to be connected for work (ego). I also hate that he used social media, f*ck friend sites, sex forums, and apps, etc. to set up sex dates during the work day.

Posts: 70 | Registered: May 2013
soveryweary
♀ 32265
Member # 32265
Default  Posted: 9:41 PM, May 31st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The damn nose hairs sticking out. I don't even tell him about them.


Divorced 1/3/14

Posts: 628 | Registered: May 2011
soveryweary
♀ 32265
Member # 32265
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, May 31st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, and how when he is deep in thought, he puts his hand over his nose like he's smelling his fingers. I have to leave the room, it just infuriates me for some reason.


Divorced 1/3/14

Posts: 628 | Registered: May 2011
brokensunflower
♀ 38674
Member # 38674
Default  Posted: 9:44 PM, May 31st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

his cell phone .. even tho I check it periodically .. wishes I could smash the damn thing


me 33
him 32
6 wonderful kids 12 yrs 8 yrs 5 yrs 4 yrs and 2 yrs ..and new baby
married 10 years together for 12 yrs
working on R

my give a damn is busted


Posts: 225 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: cold ohio
allfalldown
♀ 39324
Member # 39324
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, May 31st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

His hands on me. I used to love his hands...strong and gentle. Now...it makes my skin crawl for him to touch me. He also looks unattractive now and he is a very good looking man to the outside world but to me he just looks old.


Dday 5-10-13
1 year + EA/PA (still TT)
Me- BW
Him- WH
M- 15 years
2 kiddos
Today's forecast is foggy with a chance of D.

"Better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie"


Posts: 58 | Registered: May 2013 | From: hell on earth
canuckmommy
♀ 35630
Member # 35630
Default  Posted: 9:57 PM, May 31st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Everything. Even when he eats, I just want to throat punch him. I never realized how loudly he breathes before. Or how much he talks. And talks. And talks.


Me: 28
WH: 31

Too many DDays to count. Currently in limbo.


Posts: 8 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Canada
heforgotme
♀ 38391
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 8:27 AM, June 1st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

His job and everything associated with it.


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1085 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
BW2639
♂ 34875
Member # 34875
Default  Posted: 8:43 AM, June 1st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The fact that she can't hardly even send an email or navigate through a website but yet carried on a 3 year affair using secret emails, and messages board profiles that the OM set up for her. ...makes me feel like an idiot that I didn't have , at least, some slight idea what was going on.


married 21 yr
Reconciling

Posts: 175 | Registered: Feb 2012
bloodstream
♀ 32999
Member # 32999
Default  Posted: 8:51 AM, June 1st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

His job.

Well, specifically that his job took him to Afghanistan.

Something that I used to be proud of... proud of him and our family for all the sacrifices made for a greater good.... and instead it was the venue/opportunity for him to have his A.

Semper Fi my butt......


me: heartbroken
him: the one who did it
in R

Posts: 90 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Just South Of There....
dbellanon
♂ 39236
Member # 39236
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, June 1st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think that one has to be careful here because it's tempting to read the past in light of the present. For me, I've been struggling to discern whether the extreme lack of empathy that I've seen in my WW after her affair was something that she's had in some degree all along. Sensitivity was never her strong suit.

More than that, though, is that there are qualities that I used to admire in her that are now working against us. Her determination and drive, her willingness to push past any obstacles to get to her goal... These are precisely the things that are making it impossible for us to come back together, because her goal now is divorce, and freedom from me, and I am the obstacle standing in her way.

I saw that she was changing, becoming more confident, more independent, less inhibited. She said that she had changed and that she liked who she had become. I thought that I liked the changes that I was seeing too, but after I learned that she had cheated on me and wanted to leave me, I changed my tune. She had turned into something hideous, and I didn't like what I saw at all.


ME: BH, 28
Her: WW, 27
DD: 4
Married 6 Years.
DDay: Early May, 2013
Divorced

Posts: 238 | Registered: May 2013
Shockedman
♂ 39376
Member # 39376
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, June 1st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

d-day: 5/24/13. 7 days in. No idea where I am headed....

I think in this day and age, we all hate the phone. My WW was always on her phone and would get angry if I questioned her. She said she like to play words with friends. What a bitch. And yes, she still feels entitled to privacy and acts like I am intruding on her privacy. I haven't physically seen her yet since d-day. I asked her to move out and she moved in with her dad.

Everything. Even when he eats, I just want to throat punch him.

This is seriously funny. Sucks being the betrayed husband, no throat punches for me.

I think that one has to be careful here because it's tempting to read the past in light of the present. For me, I've been struggling to discern whether the extreme lack of empathy that I've seen in my WW after her affair was something that she's had in some degree all along. Sensitivity was never her strong suit.
More than that, though, is that there are qualities that I used to admire in her that are now working against us. Her determination and drive, her willingness to push past any obstacles to get to her goal... These are precisely the things that are making it impossible for us to come back together, because her goal now is divorce, and freedom from me, and I am the obstacle standing in her way.

I saw that she was changing, becoming more confident, more independent, less inhibited. She said that she had changed and that she liked who she had become. I thought that I liked the changes that I was seeing too, but after I learned that she had cheated on me and wanted to leave me, I changed my tune. She had turned into something hideous, and I didn't like what I saw at all.

I am in almost the same situation as this. My wife is acting indignant and entitled and extremely selfish. We are only 7 days in but she has shown little remorse. The standard I am sorry I had an affair, but in no way is "fighting for me or for us" In fact she told me she is in love with him and they made plans for their future! So funny to me. Why? Facts:

Together 17 years, married 10.
Affair has occurred over last 7 months. Known him for 9 months total.
Claims she never wants to have kids. Her affair partner has 2 toddlers.

Is she in the fog or what! I just can't decide how long is too long to wait. We have some serious time in and I don't want to throw everything away, but it has been a full week and I have even been thrown a bone. I pulled the knife out and I am getting on with my life, but the hardest part is this limbo phase. She wants to have her cake and eat it too. She wants the safety and security that I give her in our home and business, but wants the passion, excitement and "love" she has in her affair.

[This message edited by Shockedman at 10:46 AM, June 1st (Saturday)]


Posts: 102 | Registered: May 2013
Topic Posts: 38
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
adultry
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.