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MammaMia posted 5/31/2013 14:45 PM

Since your spouse's affair, what is the one thing that you cannot stand about him/her that never bothered you before?

TrustGone posted 5/31/2013 15:43 PM

His stupidity!!!!

Spelljean posted 5/31/2013 15:49 PM

His low self esteem that I didn't even know existed before. Now I see it staring me squarely in the face and I don't think he will ever get over the need to feel validated.

lovehurtstomuch posted 5/31/2013 16:35 PM

Him going to work since that's were he had his LTA.

His iphone, I hate the damn thing!! To many ways to chat with out it being on the bill. Plus all the stupid dating apps. It made it so easy to hide!

Jada52 posted 5/31/2013 16:42 PM

His dang phone and how he now puts a password on it.

How casually he can lie or how he feels he is entitled to do what he has done.

Reality posted 5/31/2013 18:47 PM

Me, too: his phone or him being engrossed in a computer - which is really uncool because he's a law student and is always studying or editing.

The sight of them in his hands is too painful; I can't breath and have this mad impulse to run far, far away. Peripheral and connected: if he takes his phone into the bathroom. Instant panic.

If I say something to him about it, he's immediately contrite, but man, oh, man, that I have to say anything about it at his point is another layer to the trauma.

Sal1995 posted 5/31/2013 19:39 PM

Her low morals and character, poor self control, lack of boundaries, need for validation from men, any man, really. Low self-esteem. Not sure I could pin it down to just one thing.

Ladyogilvy posted 5/31/2013 20:59 PM

His going to work, having lunches with his partners who treated me with unforgivable levels of disrespect when they assumed their meal ticket was getting a divorce.

I also tolerated a lot things in the past that I have no tolerance for now... From anyone. Our MC says that's a good thing. I feel like I was a nicer person before and I'm ambivalent about walking around in bitch boots.

solus sto posted 5/31/2013 21:14 PM

Him.

Seriously.

MissD posted 5/31/2013 21:36 PM

His "need" for social media (validation) and to be connected for work (ego). I also hate that he used social media, f*ck friend sites, sex forums, and apps, etc. to set up sex dates during the work day.

soveryweary posted 5/31/2013 21:41 PM

The damn nose hairs sticking out. I don't even tell him about them.

soveryweary posted 5/31/2013 21:43 PM

Oh, and how when he is deep in thought, he puts his hand over his nose like he's smelling his fingers. I have to leave the room, it just infuriates me for some reason.

brokensunflower posted 5/31/2013 21:44 PM

his cell phone .. even tho I check it periodically .. wishes I could smash the damn thing

allfalldown posted 5/31/2013 21:46 PM

His hands on me. I used to love his hands...strong and gentle. Now...it makes my skin crawl for him to touch me. He also looks unattractive now and he is a very good looking man to the outside world but to me he just looks old.

canuckmommy posted 5/31/2013 21:57 PM

Everything. Even when he eats, I just want to throat punch him. I never realized how loudly he breathes before. Or how much he talks. And talks. And talks.

heforgotme posted 6/1/2013 08:27 AM

His job and everything associated with it.

BW2639 posted 6/1/2013 08:43 AM

The fact that she can't hardly even send an email or navigate through a website but yet carried on a 3 year affair using secret emails, and messages board profiles that the OM set up for her. ...makes me feel like an idiot that I didn't have , at least, some slight idea what was going on.

bloodstream posted 6/1/2013 08:51 AM

His job.

Well, specifically that his job took him to Afghanistan.

Something that I used to be proud of... proud of him and our family for all the sacrifices made for a greater good.... and instead it was the venue/opportunity for him to have his A.

Semper Fi my butt......

dbellanon posted 6/1/2013 09:42 AM

I think that one has to be careful here because it's tempting to read the past in light of the present. For me, I've been struggling to discern whether the extreme lack of empathy that I've seen in my WW after her affair was something that she's had in some degree all along. Sensitivity was never her strong suit.

More than that, though, is that there are qualities that I used to admire in her that are now working against us. Her determination and drive, her willingness to push past any obstacles to get to her goal... These are precisely the things that are making it impossible for us to come back together, because her goal now is divorce, and freedom from me, and I am the obstacle standing in her way.

I saw that she was changing, becoming more confident, more independent, less inhibited. She said that she had changed and that she liked who she had become. I thought that I liked the changes that I was seeing too, but after I learned that she had cheated on me and wanted to leave me, I changed my tune. She had turned into something hideous, and I didn't like what I saw at all.

Shockedman posted 6/1/2013 10:43 AM

d-day: 5/24/13. 7 days in. No idea where I am headed....

I think in this day and age, we all hate the phone. My WW was always on her phone and would get angry if I questioned her. She said she like to play words with friends. What a bitch. And yes, she still feels entitled to privacy and acts like I am intruding on her privacy. I haven't physically seen her yet since d-day. I asked her to move out and she moved in with her dad.

Everything. Even when he eats, I just want to throat punch him.

This is seriously funny. Sucks being the betrayed husband, no throat punches for me.

I think that one has to be careful here because it's tempting to read the past in light of the present. For me, I've been struggling to discern whether the extreme lack of empathy that I've seen in my WW after her affair was something that she's had in some degree all along. Sensitivity was never her strong suit.
More than that, though, is that there are qualities that I used to admire in her that are now working against us. Her determination and drive, her willingness to push past any obstacles to get to her goal... These are precisely the things that are making it impossible for us to come back together, because her goal now is divorce, and freedom from me, and I am the obstacle standing in her way.

I saw that she was changing, becoming more confident, more independent, less inhibited. She said that she had changed and that she liked who she had become. I thought that I liked the changes that I was seeing too, but after I learned that she had cheated on me and wanted to leave me, I changed my tune. She had turned into something hideous, and I didn't like what I saw at all.

I am in almost the same situation as this. My wife is acting indignant and entitled and extremely selfish. We are only 7 days in but she has shown little remorse. The standard I am sorry I had an affair, but in no way is "fighting for me or for us" In fact she told me she is in love with him and they made plans for their future! So funny to me. Why? Facts:

Together 17 years, married 10.
Affair has occurred over last 7 months. Known him for 9 months total.
Claims she never wants to have kids. Her affair partner has 2 toddlers.

Is she in the fog or what! I just can't decide how long is too long to wait. We have some serious time in and I don't want to throw everything away, but it has been a full week and I have even been thrown a bone. I pulled the knife out and I am getting on with my life, but the hardest part is this limbo phase. She wants to have her cake and eat it too. She wants the safety and security that I give her in our home and business, but wants the passion, excitement and "love" she has in her affair.

[This message edited by Shockedman at 10:46 AM, June 1st (Saturday)]

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