In my second marriage, too. Second time in this situation, with some similarities and some major differences. I'm also on the second DD with my current husband.
With my first, though I know now he was acting out his sexual addictions (and other issues) pretty much any place available, I divorced him for his physical, sexual, and emotional abuse. The affairs were way down the list.
With my current husband, there isn't any physical abuse - just sets of emotional affairs. Big, involved, multi-party emotional affairs.
They've gutted me. Maybe it's because my first husband was such a literal monster, from day one, that I never had any pretense of being in love with him. With my current husband, I was so in love with him. Even now, I catch a glimpse of him and find myself staring, before the pain and sadness pings. Even with that, after the first DD, I swore I would never go through that kind of pain again for anyone.
But I'm here. The reason I'm still here is because he's trying - really trying. He's learning about himself, understanding what caused his thought processes, discovered that unhealthy need for validation. I'm not at all saying that EAs aren't absolutely on par with PAs - because they ARE in terms of betrayal - but also, frankly, his affairs weren't sexual at all in nature - which is a hugely loaded thing for me after the terrible sexual connotations of my first marriage. If they had been PAs, bye-bye. I can't have physical intimacy be twisted for me again. Ever.
If the betrayers really work on themselves, this is survivable. If they don't, everything possible in that relationship is doomed.
I won't blow rainbow clouds of magical sparkles; it's HARD. It's like performing surgery on yourself without anesthesia; you have to stay awake, stay in pain, and dig around in terribly sensitive areas with steady hands that aren't just cutting everything up. For a long time. Forgive the continued metaphor, but if the body is too unhealthy to survive surgery, boom - dead on the table. If there's healthy tissue, and a solid operating plan, there's a chance. There's a difference between injury and long term (and fatal) disease.
You're the only one that can diagnose the situation. Ten years is a long time. Who told you obviously has major agenda, both emotionally and financially.
Clip board and stethoscope up, Done. Check for a heartbeat, or salt and burn the corpse.