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What am I to him?

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tabitha95 posted 5/31/2013 15:01 PM

Why does XH think that calling me to keep himself pulled together and not break down at work because he got "bad news" is the right thing? Then after much prying about this bad news....assuming a death or medical diagnosis, I finally asked..."did someone break up with you?" He essentially said yes.

Nature_Girl posted 5/31/2013 15:30 PM



He called you so you could console him because someone hurt his widdle feelings by breaking up with him?


When he essentially said yes, please tell me you then did something like blow a whistle in the phone so it would blast his eardrum. Right?

suckstobeme posted 5/31/2013 15:31 PM

What a dick!!!!!!

JessicaFL127 posted 5/31/2013 15:39 PM

Wow, what a creeper!

Heavy Sigh posted 5/31/2013 16:12 PM

Tell him, good. That you hope he suffers just as much suffering as he dished out to you.

SBB posted 5/31/2013 17:13 PM

Time to stop taking his calls.

There is an emotional bakery as well as a physical one. Time to close the bakery.

Reality posted 5/31/2013 17:17 PM

Um. Wow. I second Nature Girl's suggestion to retroactively use a bullhorn.

My ex showed up one day to tell me a mythical story:

- He was dating finally.
- He was in love with her.
- But, he just got a call from her sister that (insert theatrical sob) she had just died.

I was so shocked at not only him showing up at the house, I just nodded and tried to look concerned and get him out of the house safely. The moment I told my husband and kids, their response:

"Oh, my gosh! That poor woman had to fake her death to get him to leave her alone?!"

So pat phrase next time, answer, "There, there. Is she still alive, at least?"

tabitha95 posted 5/31/2013 18:09 PM

He did the same thing to me a few weeks after I moved out of the marital home. He called me sobbing that he thought he needed to break it off with MOW because she wouldn't leave her BH.

So often it is obvious he thought I was his mother. He acted like a spoiled teenager pissed to do anything with the family during the last 2/3 of our 15 year marriage.

Heavy Sigh posted 5/31/2013 23:49 PM

T/J to Reality,

Normally I don't laugh at stories that involve death, but I'm sitting here giggling. Your kids think she faked her death to get rid of him - and your idea of what to say to him after future breakups.

AussieMum posted 6/1/2013 01:07 AM

My idiot was dumped by married OW2 (he was still living here at the time) and he muttered to me, with tears in his eyes, 'you got what you wanted'. Then disappeared downstairs CRYING

I told him it was quite telling that the only time he'd shed tears over this whole mess was when she dumped his sorry, lying arse.

Tell your XH to keep his sob stories to himself - you're NOT INTERESTED!

tabitha95 posted 6/1/2013 01:25 AM

I don't have it in my profile, but I don't keep quiet about it either....but he was terribly cruel to me.

The first thing I said to him on d-day #1 wasn't "did you have sex" was "were you nice to her?" He was so mean to me, I was jealous that he was nice to someone else.

Then, before I realized R had become false R, he was gaslighting me and lying to the MC and allowing her to essentially gaslight me too and let me think I was crazy and the one with the problem. Just so he could hide MOW again.

Why would he think that I would be a good support person for him having his heart broken by other women?

We co-parent well enough now (after a rocky start) and he will honor most of my requests and wishes and he's good about finances.

But, he's oblivious to what pain he caused me. He's cried to me that he's sorry. He told me in Feb that he still loved me. But, I honestly don't feel that he really gets it. It's like he only gets the "sex" part as a betrayal. Not the emotional abuse he put me through for so many years. I was physically ill from the way he treated me. Stomach spasms, hair loss, daily anxiety attacks. I wouldn't be surprised if I had infidelity PTSD. I still suffer from triggers to this day.

CallMeRed1 posted 6/1/2013 03:49 AM

Tabitha I can relate to your posts so much I almost didn't reply as they cut me up again.

I have had my ExH talking to me about ALL the women he has been with since we split up (lots) and when he talks about walking along holding hands with his now GF, it makes me so sad as he used to walk along in front of me (short man syndrome - I am taller than him) and never hold my hand or put his arm around me.

I also had stomach spasms (IBS?). During our M. The stress of it gave me several symptoms which funnily enough have ceased or diminished since D. I don't think I ever knew how stressed out I was in that situation.

I relate also to them thinking of us as their mother. My Ex has called me about how to do washing, (do you split whites and colours) and all sorts of things like that.

I'm not going to be his safety net any more... and I think you should think along the same lines honey.

Thinking of you.

Ashland13 posted 6/1/2013 15:59 PM

If I had more courage, I would ask, "How does it feel?"

What a crazy thing.

Ashland13 posted 6/1/2013 16:02 PM

Yes, I think Red has really good ideas.

The mother angle or madonna figure personality fits sometimes, esp. with the physical side or cleaning up their messes.

For a time I was cleaning up the messes Perv made with DD and I can't keep up with them anymore.

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