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And here it comes...

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TattoodChinaDoll posted 5/31/2013 16:36 PM

the bad feelings and trying not to cry. Told the kids to give me 5 minutes before I start dinner (so I could post). For those who don't know my story down in this forum, part of it is I had my youngest in September 2011. One month later he started his A with co-worker OW. 2 months after that we were talking about if this was it for kids. Days before dday I thought we had decided that one more would complete our family. Then dday (fast forwarding through all the crap after) and one year later I got pregnant by accident. Miscarried this past February.

I know I shouldn't have looked. I knew what it would be. I knew that member was pregnant and that her picture in the picture thread would be of that. I'm still grieving. Just for what it is, a death, and for how it relates to the A. And of course he hasn't let me. This Mother's Day he wrote a little in my card about it....that's it. Didn't say a word to me. No gentle touches. Even though I cried in front of him. So the feelings came back...the loss, the loss of what we could have had if he wasn't an idiot, not feeling worthy. I know logically it is all him. He is the messed up one. I know after dday he was the one to mess everything up. Today I've also struggled with wanting to email the OW and telling her off. But I also know that she didn't control what happened after dday. So in a way I also want to thank her for helping me realize what he is and not to waste any more of my life on him.

I know I'm rambling. Just felt upset for the first time in 2 days. However, I don't feel anything for him right now. I'm not even mad...feeling sorry for myself really.

nowiknow23 posted 5/31/2013 16:38 PM

((((((TCD)))))) I'm so sorry, honey.

Exit Wounds posted 5/31/2013 16:43 PM

I don't feel anything for him right now. I'm not even mad...feeling sorry for myself really
I think you are going through stages of grief and just know that it is OK to feel sorry for yourself. You got hurt, now you have to heal....
We are here for you

(((((TCD)))))

ButterflyGirl posted 5/31/2013 17:26 PM

Big hugs girl. Lots and lots of love to you..

Reality posted 5/31/2013 17:29 PM

It's not feeling sorry for yourself to be sad, TCD. That's not you being self indulgent, or self destructive, or anything but hurt and in the middle of BIG trauma. Be nice to yourself and give yourself credit. You can have these feelings. It's RIGHT to have these feelings.

Love, strength, and support.

fallingquickly posted 5/31/2013 17:39 PM

(((TCD)))

It's ok to be sad for all that is lost.

TattoodChinaDoll posted 5/31/2013 18:14 PM

It will be nice to grieve without being made to feel bad about it or that how and how long I needed was wrong.

jo2love posted 5/31/2013 19:04 PM

(((TCD)))

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