the bad feelings and trying not to cry. Told the kids to give me 5 minutes before I start dinner (so I could post). For those who don't know my story down in this forum, part of it is I had my youngest in September 2011. One month later he started his A with co-worker OW. 2 months after that we were talking about if this was it for kids. Days before dday I thought we had decided that one more would complete our family. Then dday (fast forwarding through all the crap after) and one year later I got pregnant by accident. Miscarried this past February.
I know I shouldn't have looked. I knew what it would be. I knew that member was pregnant and that her picture in the picture thread would be of that. I'm still grieving. Just for what it is, a death, and for how it relates to the A. And of course he hasn't let me. This Mother's Day he wrote a little in my card about it....that's it. Didn't say a word to me. No gentle touches. Even though I cried in front of him. So the feelings came back...the loss, the loss of what we could have had if he wasn't an idiot, not feeling worthy. I know logically it is all him. He is the messed up one. I know after dday he was the one to mess everything up. Today I've also struggled with wanting to email the OW and telling her off. But I also know that she didn't control what happened after dday. So in a way I also want to thank her for helping me realize what he is and not to waste any more of my life on him.
I know I'm rambling. Just felt upset for the first time in 2 days. However, I don't feel anything for him right now. I'm not even mad...feeling sorry for myself really.
WH: 35 TimeToManUp
Married: 12 years, together 18 years
3 daughters: 10, 7, 4, and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
Confronted him: 12/22/2011
This is the most difficult thing I've ever done.