but I want it
Yes, yes it is the same kind of selfish attitude.
Do you have mc that can help with this? Is he in IC? You have every right to be angry. You are right, this is the same type of thinking that helped in his affairs. Does he now see the wrongness of this truck buying escapade?
In R we are in the clean up of our financial mess that he has put us in....new truck, landscaping property,....on and on and on. All selfish unaffordable crap that he was not dealing with reality on and now admits his pride was ahead of his brain.....and we are not young.
To me part of R is making decisions together with respect of the marriage/family.....I would be angry and hurt too!!
We are working through a less obvious form of that self centeredness. My WH has a new job that requires him to travel to the city where we used to live where he kissed another woman and a female friend of his told him it was no big deal and told him that another man had kissed her. For obvious reasons, I was upset with the idea of him seeing the friend who kept it from me that he had kissed another woman AND didn't call him on his f'd up behavior. All my WH could see was that this was someone who had been his friend for half his life, and she wasn't a 'bad person.' After a LOT of talking we worked through it and he absolutely gets it now, but I think part of the WS dilemma is that many of them are extraordinarily self centered and don't innately put themselves in their spouse's shoes.
Have you asked your WS how he would feel if you went out and did something like that without talking it over with him, or worse after he had told you it seemed like a decision that could put the family at financial risk?
Sorry your are going through this. I would be VERY upset too.
I would be LIVID is my spouse did something like this, espcially after dday. Marriages are a team, a partnership. One partner cannot continually steamroll the other. I would be very worried over continued actions of this nature. I would make him return the truck, if you still can. Or, immediately sell it for the loan amount, and start fresh.
My point is, this isn't necessarily wayward mentality, it might just be an issue, a personality thing, whatever.
After d-day, a BS posted to my BH that 'it's not always about the cheating!'.
My BH realized he needed to work on things in his personality to make him a better person/husband/father. So, yes, this is selfish, and we waywards are certainly the epitome of selfish during our affairs, but this might just be because he needs to become more self aware, and work on being a less selfish person. Kwim?
And thank you for taking my post in the spirit in which it was intended .
"I don't understand the world today I don't understand what she needs I gave her everything she threw it all away" tom petty