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NotsureIcan posted 5/31/2013 22:09 PM

Almost 7 months in...we are in MC and both in IC. There has been NC with OW since D-day. He is like an open book. Every once i a while I check phone records, he is 100% accountable. I know where he is 24/7.
My problem is that I am having trouble believing him even though i verify. My other problem is that all of a sudden I think of him being with OW when we have sex. Sometimes I want to ask sexual questions...but why? It will only make me hurt worse. I never wanted to know these things before, why is this coming up now. And to make things worse, I look at him and wonder wtf I am doing here. But i do love him....
HELP!

Me-BW-44
Him-WH-47

D-day 11/06/12
3 grown children
1 daughter 8 yrs old
Trying to R with a cheater..

Ladyogilvy posted 5/31/2013 22:29 PM

The roller coaster is normal. Feeling crazy is normal. It takes time to recover from trauma.

SweetheartVixen posted 5/31/2013 22:29 PM

This sounds normal to me. Ive been there and understand. Don't be to hard on yourself. It takes a long time..
HUGS

hitbyatruck posted 5/31/2013 23:51 PM

I still check phone records from time to time. truth is if they want to cheat they will. i havent found any proof but still feel that i just cant find it. i so understand what you are going through.

I think I can posted 6/1/2013 09:30 AM

Completely normal. It does get better. It takes a lot of time, though. No way around it, only through it.

TrustGone posted 6/1/2013 10:05 AM

I know how you feel and I still feel this way 1.5yrs after Dday#1. Of course a year was false R, and NC was broke last month, so I have been on some bad roller coaster rides trying to hold on to my marriage. I also have many WTF am I doing moments and days. I still feel like the warden and he is my trustee that I can't trust. All you can do at this point is verify and look for red flags until you feel safe again in your relationship. That will take a long time to overcome. (((HUGS)))

NotsureIcan posted 6/1/2013 14:22 PM

Thank you everyone. I feel a little better today. I do know one thing if there is ever broken NC thats my deal breaker. I made a commitment to myself that this is a one shot deal. I have been cheated on in the past but never stayed, never believed in doing so. So this is really tough. It goes against what I believe in but this is my one shot.
I love my husband and my family. I just hope I can somehow trust him some day. HUGS to everyone!

Undone1 posted 6/2/2013 11:52 AM

Notsure: You and I have nearly the same DDay and I am in exactly the same position. I think I should be past all of this, but still think of the two of them having sex, when we are having sex; still get the bat upside the head with a mind movie out of no where. Hearing you say the same thing that I am experiencing helps me know that this is all normal and part of the process.

Given that we are 7 months out, how is your husband reacting when you bring up the A?