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Newest Member: NumbRiver (61160)

User Topic: Need some help tonight
♀ 38113
Member # 38113
Default  Posted: 10:09 PM, May 31st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Almost 7 months in...we are in MC and both in IC. There has been NC with OW since D-day. He is like an open book. Every once i a while I check phone records, he is 100% accountable. I know where he is 24/7.
My problem is that I am having trouble believing him even though i verify. My other problem is that all of a sudden I think of him being with OW when we have sex. Sometimes I want to ask sexual questions...but why? It will only make me hurt worse. I never wanted to know these things before, why is this coming up now. And to make things worse, I look at him and wonder wtf I am doing here. But i do love him....


D-day 11/06/12
3 grown children
1 daughter 8 yrs old
Trying to R with a cheater..

Posts: 123 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Florida
♀ 31558
Member # 31558
Default  Posted: 10:29 PM, May 31st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The roller coaster is normal. Feeling crazy is normal. It takes time to recover from trauma.

Me: BW a youthful 51
Him: alcoholic, sober now, WH 58
Married 21 years
Two sons, 18 & 19 years old
DD? He's still keeping secrets and only admits to what I have indisputable
evidence of... the $2000 earrings he bought her for x-mas.

Posts: 1585 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: California
♀ 4956
Member # 4956
Default  Posted: 10:29 PM, May 31st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This sounds normal to me. Ive been there and understand. Don't be to hard on yourself. It takes a long time..

BS/60s WS/60s Divorcing and not soon enough~!
Its nice to be important, but its more important to be nice...

DD 6-14

Posts: 3166 | Registered: Jul 2004 | From: somewhere over the rainbow
♀ 23769
Member # 23769
Default  Posted: 11:51 PM, May 31st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I still check phone records from time to time. truth is if they want to cheat they will. i havent found any proof but still feel that i just cant find it. i so understand what you are going through.

Married 1998. 2 kids. First discovery 3/2009. Multiple affairs, porn addiction. one failed attempt at R. Nested for over a year. XH now lives w/GF. Divorce final summer of 2015.

Posts: 3325 | Registered: Apr 2009
I think I can
♀ 17756
Member # 17756
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, June 1st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Completely normal. It does get better. It takes a lot of time, though. No way around it, only through it.

I'm not the winner, I'm the prize.

Posts: 9045 | Registered: Jan 2008
♀ 36654
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 10:05 AM, June 1st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know how you feel and I still feel this way 1.5yrs after Dday#1. Of course a year was false R, and NC was broke last month, so I have been on some bad roller coaster rides trying to hold on to my marriage. I also have many WTF am I doing moments and days. I still feel like the warden and he is my trustee that I can't trust. All you can do at this point is verify and look for red flags until you feel safe again in your relationship. That will take a long time to overcome. (((HUGS)))

BS-54 XWH#2-No longer my monkey
M-11yrs LTA-5yrs Divorced 8/15
"A person is either an asset or a lesson"
"Changing who you are with does not change who you are"

Posts: 8884 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
♀ 38113
Member # 38113
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, June 1st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you everyone. I feel a little better today. I do know one thing if there is ever broken NC thats my deal breaker. I made a commitment to myself that this is a one shot deal. I have been cheated on in the past but never stayed, never believed in doing so. So this is really tough. It goes against what I believe in but this is my one shot.
I love my husband and my family. I just hope I can somehow trust him some day. HUGS to everyone!

Posts: 123 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Florida
♀ 37683
Member # 37683
Default  Posted: 11:52 AM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Notsure: You and I have nearly the same DDay and I am in exactly the same position. I think I should be past all of this, but still think of the two of them having sex, when we are having sex; still get the bat upside the head with a mind movie out of no where. Hearing you say the same thing that I am experiencing helps me know that this is all normal and part of the process.

Given that we are 7 months out, how is your husband reacting when you bring up the A?

Married 10+ years to my high school sweetheart
DDAY 10/27/12
Me 55
WH 55
Blended Family: 25, 21, and 20
Married 10 years
"The Universe Unfolds as it Should"

Posts: 301 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Missouri
Topic Posts: 8

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