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NotsureIcan (original poster member #38113) posted at 4:09 AM on Saturday, June 1st, 2013
Almost 7 months in...we are in MC and both in IC. There has been NC with OW since D-day. He is like an open book. Every once i a while I check phone records, he is 100% accountable. I know where he is 24/7.
My problem is that I am having trouble believing him even though i verify. My other problem is that all of a sudden I think of him being with OW when we have sex. Sometimes I want to ask sexual questions...but why? It will only make me hurt worse. I never wanted to know these things before, why is this coming up now. And to make things worse, I look at him and wonder wtf I am doing here. But i do love him....
HELP!
Me-BW-44
Him-WH-47
D-day 11/06/12
3 grown children
1 daughter 8 yrs old
Trying to R with a cheater..
Ladyogilvy ( member #31558) posted at 4:29 AM on Saturday, June 1st, 2013
The roller coaster is normal. Feeling crazy is normal. It takes time to recover from trauma.
Me: BW 57. Him: alcoholic, sober now, WH 65Married stopped counting after too many disappointing anniversaries. Two sons, 24&25 years old. He's still keeping secrets and only admits to what I have indisputable evidence of.
SweetheartVixen ( member #4956) posted at 4:29 AM on Saturday, June 1st, 2013
This sounds normal to me. Ive been there and understand. Don't be to hard on yourself. It takes a long time..
HUGS
BS/60s WS/60s Divorcing and not soon enough~!
Its nice to be important, but its more important to be nice...
DD 6-14
hitbyatruck ( member #23769) posted at 5:51 AM on Saturday, June 1st, 2013
I still check phone records from time to time. truth is if they want to cheat they will. i havent found any proof but still feel that i just cant find it. i so understand what you are going through.
Married 1998. 2 kids. First discovery 3/2009. Multiple affairs, porn addiction. one failed attempt at R. Nested for over a year. Divorce final 8/2015. XH is now married. I am engaged!
I think I can ( member #17756) posted at 3:30 PM on Saturday, June 1st, 2013
Completely normal. It does get better. It takes a lot of time, though. No way around it, only through it.
I'm not the winner, I'm the prize.
TrustGone ( member #36654) posted at 4:05 PM on Saturday, June 1st, 2013
I know how you feel and I still feel this way 1.5yrs after Dday#1. Of course a year was false R, and NC was broke last month, so I have been on some bad roller coaster rides trying to hold on to my marriage. I also have many WTF am I doing moments and days. I still feel like the warden and he is my trustee that I can't trust. All you can do at this point is verify and look for red flags until you feel safe again in your relationship. That will take a long time to overcome. (((HUGS)))
XWH#2-No longer my monkey Divorced 8/15, Now married to a wonderful man.
"A person is either an asset or a lesson"
"Changing who you are with does not change who you are"
NotsureIcan (original poster member #38113) posted at 8:22 PM on Saturday, June 1st, 2013
Thank you everyone. I feel a little better today. I do know one thing if there is ever broken NC thats my deal breaker. I made a commitment to myself that this is a one shot deal. I have been cheated on in the past but never stayed, never believed in doing so. So this is really tough. It goes against what I believe in but this is my one shot.
I love my husband and my family. I just hope I can somehow trust him some day. HUGS to everyone!
Undone1 ( member #37683) posted at 5:52 PM on Sunday, June 2nd, 2013
Notsure: You and I have nearly the same DDay and I am in exactly the same position. I think I should be past all of this, but still think of the two of them having sex, when we are having sex; still get the bat upside the head with a mind movie out of no where. Hearing you say the same thing that I am experiencing helps me know that this is all normal and part of the process.
Given that we are 7 months out, how is your husband reacting when you bring up the A?
Undone1
Married 10+ years to my high school sweetheart
DDAY 10/27/12
Me 55
WH 55
Blended Family: 25, 21, and 20
Married 10 years
"The Universe Unfolds as it Should"
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