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finding inner peace

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sadandlostsandy posted 5/31/2013 23:49 PM

My live in boyfriend of four years has decided to be with the OW, it has been hell for me for the past one month but now i am finding inner peace.
I still love him very much and i feel sad to see him in such emotional turmoil. Even though he has chosen to be with OW he is not happy. He does not want to be with her but rather can not be without her. He was lonely and empty when he met her and i just feel sad for him. he says that this relationship with OW can not go for long but still he can not leave her now so i find him emotionally so weak and pathetic.
We still talk and can speak about the situation like two sane good friends. I wish him all the best. I dont want this situation to be destructive. I want him to grow as a person with this. resolve his personal complexities and insecurities.. be a better person.
for me too it has been a learning experience. i also had to face my personal demons.
I am in a storm and it is difficult but i will emerge and when i do i will have completely changed and changed for the better. i hope the same for him too.

atsenaotie posted 6/1/2013 00:11 AM

Hi SALS,

You mentioned that you had read the 180...

We still talk and can speak about the situation like two sane good friends.

but this is not 180. I suspect your WBF's life will only fill with more drama until he decides to fix his issues.

We often want things for our wayward spouses and significant others, but until they want to change there is nothing that can be done to help.

Something you might work on is why you feel very much love for a person who betrayed you, and you see as emotionally weak and pathetic.

-Ats

TrustGone posted 6/1/2013 11:48 AM

In order to find inner peace you need to step away from this situation. He is not your friend or he wouldn't have betrayed you. You can not fix him. He had a choice and he choose OW. Now you need to let him have her and move on with your life without him in it. I am sorry he did you wrong, now you need to do what's best for you. (((HUGS)))

sadandlostsandy posted 6/1/2013 14:09 PM

thank you guys for your reply. i will move away from his life completely. i will also write to you guys about it.
thank you so much for giving me perspective.
HUGS:)

Pippy posted 6/2/2013 09:48 AM

Gentle 2X4 here. Hon you need to get angry and start valuing yourself.

You are emotionally supporting his cheating! He won't "make up his mind' as long as you enable him and definitely stop sitting there waiting for him.

You REALLY need to do the 180 (Healing Library BS FAQs #11) You deserve so much better from life. Kick that loser to the curb. You're nit responsible for his happiness. He is.

Skan posted 6/2/2013 22:25 PM

(((hugs))) It's rough, letting them go. It's even rougher when you don't because you hold up your healing.

sadandlostsandy posted 6/7/2013 23:34 PM

hi guys
well now he has left and we are no longer seeing each other. though he called me even after he left i talked with him with indifference and kept it really short. i try not to miss him though it is tough at times. I am trying to keep him out of my life and mind i hope i can do it.
thanks guys

Pass posted 6/8/2013 06:45 AM

That's a tough thing to do, but the most important thing to do for your healing. I still have problems detaching from my wife of 17 years.

We can both do it.

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