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Newest Member: promises2lies (46029)

User Topic: Healed but not wanting to date...
♀ 28600
Member # 28600
Default  Posted: 6:32 AM, June 1st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel like I am healed ... like that was a chapter in my life that is now closed ... it's over and done.
But yet I have NO intention on dating... not even an interest.
Maybe I've come to enjoy the independence ... just my kids and I ... Maybe I am too controlling and want things "my" way (which by being single I get)
It seems like everyone feels like you "need" someone in your life ... I just can't see that.
Maybe when my kids are grown I'll feel differently ??? but for now I have absolutely no interest.
I hope that's ok ...

Me- 43
Twins- 11
Dday #1- 4/3/10
Filed 7/2010
Happily Divorced~FINALLY~ 10/26/2012
"Worrying does not take away tomorrow's troubles; it takes away today's peace."

Posts: 1359 | Registered: May 2010
♀ 26864
Member # 26864
Default  Posted: 6:52 AM, June 1st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree. I have a slight urge to date now (and a mini-crush on a friend ) but I am loving my family the way it is and I don't know if I want to change anything.

divorced for 6 years
mom to two awesome boys,10 and 9

"But you said your vows, and you closed the door
On so many men who would have loved you more" -Cath, DCFC

"The most amazing things can come from some terrible lies"

Posts: 1244 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Missouri
♀ 36870
Member # 36870
Default  Posted: 6:59 AM, June 1st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can totally relate to this. I'm enjoying not having to answer to another person at the moment. 3 young children are keeping me busy enough.

We'll all get there eventually, I bet.

D-Day 19 July 2012
Me - BS - 42
Status: Divorced

Posts: 187 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: England
♀ 31468
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 9:26 AM, June 1st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope that's ok ...
I think it's great. As long as you and your kids are doing well and moving forward then all is well fh10.

I think it's far too close to final D to have any concern about this. Enjoy the time enjoying you.

I've dated on and off since DDay, just ended an 8 month relationship, and now I think I am finally ready to just focus on ME and my kids and who I want to be. So, in a sense, I'm in awe that you've started out that way.

I think you'll know when you're ready.

Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling

Posts: 4714 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
♀ 17840
Member # 17840
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, June 1st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You and me both, sister.

This above all: to thine ownself be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Hamlet, Act I, Scene 3

Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.

All's Well That Ends Well, Act I, Scene 1

Posts: 6657 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: SE US
♀ 30346
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, June 1st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We are the same age, and I'm in a very similar spot.

I talked with my IC about this...lack of need for a boyfriend. She said it can be perfectly normal. I know I have very high walls up, only one guy made it through and it didn't work. She said I am very healed, I just don't want to deal with the trouble of a relationship.

I have so much on my plate that many days the thought of a relationship makes me squirm. My IC said that when the right person comes along, and it is EASY, then I will want it. I guess I just don't want something that requires too much effort on my part.

I think it is well within the normal range of behavior post S/D. She also told me many women don't date again until the children are out of the house.

Not wanting to date has nothing to do with not being healed.

me...BS, 44 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17

Posts: 4283 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
♀ 31528
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, June 1st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think if it works for you, then it's more than ok. I am not dating. I figure if I'm destined to be with someone then it will happen when the time is right.

Posts: 36773 | Registered: Mar 2011
Topic Posts: 7

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