The things i was willing to accept is one of the things I am working on. Why was i willing to accept less then I deserved.
TG, he proposed 1 month before I confessed. He thought it was the answer to my depression. Also that he was finally ready. We've fought about this, about his reasons behind it and why it makes me feel like it wasn't something he wanted as much as I did. At the time I did believe it meant as much to him. Now after many talks I think differently. The dream is what I know is killing me, but I see reality and I am accepting it and working through my side of it. Why I was not able to see that it didn't mean as much to him as I thought it did, why I accepted it for so long, why I didn't see that it was a bargaining chip he could use when he thought I would leave. We had a "plan" that we'd marry before he was 30, he turned 29 last year but he says we were still on schedule. It was his plan, I wanted marriage years ago but accepted the plan because I didn't want to lose him. Another thing I need to examine. There's a lot here I know that I am working through. I don't have blinders on, I'm trying to make sense of it all and work through it all.
Sorry this went on a little longer then I thought it would.
"You must try to generate happiness within yourself. If you aren't happy in one place, chances are you won't be happy anyplace." Ernie Banks