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TattoodChinaDoll posted 6/1/2013 12:48 PM

I'm probably still rambly and all over the place but I just need to get it out. Sometimes that helps me see something or just feel some release.

Taking all three kids to DD7's hockey practice this morning by myself (something I've done plenty) I was just thinking about custody. WH (still not sure what to call him) works a lot. I've always been the one to take care of the kids and the house. I ran the numbers in my head and I have the kids by myself 80% of the time. I was thinking this because I was wondering if I should start treating him like we are co-parenting instead of a married couple with kids. There is a small church fair going on in town today and I was about to text him to see what time he would be home. But then I realized it doesn't matter. That would be treating him like I cared. One of his excuses was that I paid attention to the kids more than him. Which is an excuse...not reality. The reality is that he is very selfish and immature. Do I pay attention to the kids? Of course...they are 7 and under! Did I ignore him? No...we had a great sex life. I made sure his home life was easy as possible since he worked so much. And looking back at texts, I told him I loved him and missed him often. I was physical with him (not just sex) and I told him I loved him all the time. Sorry...rambling...but I started thinking that now, yes, my life will be about the kids for awhile. Not family...not us. I don't mind doing it for the kids. But there is that feeling of feeling sorry for myself again. I know how much I'm worth...a whole fucking lot!!! I just wish I didn't waste 15 years on someone who didn't appreciate it and took me and the life I worked on to have an "us" for granted.

fallingquickly posted 6/1/2013 15:10 PM

(((TCD)))

tesla posted 6/1/2013 15:19 PM

my life will be about the kids for awhile. Not family...not us.

Not true. The kids and you are a family. FTG.

ex-shat worked so much while we were married, Teslet and I were pretty much doing it on our own already. One of the things I had to get used to was thinking of Teslet and me AS the whole family.

((((TCD)))))

ButterflyGirl posted 6/1/2013 15:41 PM

Another excuse right out of the cheater handbook, "You focused more on the kids than me."

It's a balancing act for sure, but it's supposed to be teamwork, with both people focused on being parents and spouses. Obviously a lot of HIS focus wasn't where it should have been, so don't you take that blameshifting bullcrap for one second..

I can't stand this selfish, "What about me, me, me??" crap. If he was the husband and father he was supposed to be, he woulda been helping you out and giving you time to focus on yourself and not just the kids and him all the time. What a selfish POS..

(By the way, that's my favorite name for my STBX. He's a totally selfish POS.)

Big hugs to you girl. He's gonna continue throwing anything he can in your face and blame you for everything, so try your best to ignore him. I wouldn't even bother trying to defend or explain yourself at this point. You know the truth, and I'm sure he does too, so you must know by now that he's just trying to manipulate and emotionally abuse you..

I must admit that some of the things POS accuses me of could have some truth to them, but I'm not going to admit them to him. We all have things we wish we would have handled differently. So perhaps there are things I would like to change about myself, and I won't be afraid to work on those. None of us are perfect, we could all be better in some areas, but the people you surround yourself with should be supportive, not pointing fingers and using those shortcomings against us to excuse their deplorable behavior..

FTG..

kernel posted 6/1/2013 20:25 PM

((TCD)) One really important thing to take away from your realization about how much time you spent on the kids and home in the past - you will be just fine without him. You just have to get used to the idea, and that takes time.